I'm 18 and my boyfriend is 19 and we've been in a relationship for almost 3 years. We've been long distance for the last 2 years though. Next year I'm moving to his city for university. I'm staying in a dorm and he's staying at home.
We're really close and he's like my best friend more than anything.
We were talking about where we see ourselves in the future. He's really keen to get married soon and have children (after university) and that thought just scares me completely. I want to travel and just enjoy my friends before getting married and having children. I'm not even sure if I want to get married.
Do you think this is strange that he's getting clucky and wanting to start a family early? He knows how I feel but I get the feeling he's holding out for me to change my mind. He respects me and I know he wouldn't push it..
2007-12-03 12:08:50 · 21 answers · asked by ★☆✿❀ 7 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
I do want to be with him and I wouldn't mind starting a family with him but not for another 10years, he wants it in the next 3-5years.
2007-12-03 12:14:52 · update #1
He's got younger cousins.
2007-12-03 12:34:31 · update #2
What about moving in with your boyfriend after university? Then you guys would really feel what marriage is like but without the legal commitment and pressure.
I can sympathize with him wanting kids so soon because I LOOOVE kids. But remind him that you guys will live for another 70 years or more and there is plenty of time to have kids and grow old together.
If your boyfriend can babysit, tutor, or something where he can be around younger kids maybe that will help him some. Why don't you two volunteer at a childrens hospital or something together? I dunno, just a thought.
Also just because you're married does not mean you can't travel and enjoy friends, not in the least. If you have any idea what you want to accomplish before getting married talk to your boyfriend about it.
Maybe it would help if you two went to counseling. Counselors are not just for old thirty + year old people going through divorces....they are for people of all ages that need to examine their relationship. This might be a good idea for you guys especially since you have such different opinions.
Good luck and I hope everything works out for you. ^_^
2007-12-03 12:25:32 · answer #1 · answered by moon_walker 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Either way, you still have quite a bit of time to figure out the answer to this question.
I would suggest getting to the University and seeing how the relationship goes from there. Give it a year and see where things end up. If you feel like things are going great, maybe you can set a new plan that's a compromise. You avoid a family for a few years after graduation, but not necessarily 5 years after.
Either way, you do not have to make the decision yet.
Matt
2007-12-03 17:14:32 · answer #2 · answered by mattfromasia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My concern is this. People who had unstable or hard childhoods sometimes want to "fix" it all by getting married early and trying to have a TV version of a happy marriage. I've seen it a LOT, and I even did it twice. (long story.)
My advice. Live together for a year first, before marriage. Housetrain 2 puppies and raise them to doggie adult hood, 2 or 3 years. Then if you both can still stand each other, get married. After 2 years, have a kid.
Rushing into the whole marriage and 3 kids things never works in my experience.
2007-12-04 00:09:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
To settle down and have a family requires you both to be ready for that type of commitment.It is a life changing responsibility for you and there is no turning back.I believe you should wait until you are a little older, have completed your education and enjoy your independence for a little while.You need to allow yourself time to explore the world and all it offers, try new things and decide what you want to do upon graduation.You will find when you move away from home the independence it brings will give you increased responsibility for your choices.At my age you seem like a child but you are a very mature young lady.you have experienced a lot for your young years ,don't rush into being "all grown up".Wabby you will know what is right for you and don't let anyone discourage you from folowing your dreams.Take care.
2007-12-03 14:35:21 · answer #4 · answered by gussie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As long as he respects your decision to wait, I think it's fine. It's normal for people to have their own dreams and apirations. Everyone sees their life going a certain way. Sometimes it goes like that, sometimes it doesn't. Who knows, maybe in a few years, you will change your mind. Maybe he will. Or maybe you will both still feel the same way you do now. It's perfectly fine. I have known many couples, who, when discussing marriage and the future, had differing views. Each respected the other (such as "I don't want children next year, but I will within the next few years!") As long as you both basically have the same mindset (for example, if you NEVER wanted children, I would say you have a problem.) I think you can make it through . Enjoy living your life and don't stress so much about it.
2007-12-03 12:17:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Hi Wabby, It seems to me he may be afraid of losing you
and he thinks having a family in a couple of years will help keep a hold on you. You both need to set down and talk about your future and what each one whats to do. Sahara if you want to have fun and enjoy life and get your running around out of your system you need to let him know this. If he can't agree don't marry him. I just had a very dirty nasty divorce that took 2 years to get rid of a abuser,lier and a cheater. I will never and i mean never every marry again. If i find someone i truly love i will live with them,but if anything and i mean anything go's wrong,i will grab my hat and get the HELL out of there in a heart beat. This is really how i feel.
A Friend,
poppy1
2007-12-04 21:56:36 · answer #6 · answered by poppy1 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is the time in your life that is most important for the rest of your life. Go to school and focus on your work. You guys dont hvae to make such a big decision right now. Trust me you will be a completely different person when you finish college than when you started. I dont think its strange that he thinks about that (well maybe to some)lol. You guys relationship will take so many more twist and turns when you move. Just enjoy what you have and let it grow
2007-12-03 12:22:19 · answer #7 · answered by stl 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
In my day when there were many young people who married young and owing to accidents the girls got pregnant.
The marriages ended in an early divorce, and the women ending up in dead end jobs.
Get your education get some work skills, so that if, God forbid, if something was to happen, you will have something to fall on.
I suggest you take precautions as well, you can't always know if there is a condom available, and when the need is strong caution goes out of the window.
2007-12-03 14:19:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well first of all i think you shouldn't make any promises or decisions until you guys spend more time together because i was also in in a relationship for three years and was it was long distance for two and we made all these plans to settle down and become really serious and we even discussed marriage and when he came back and we spent more time together and things changed. im not saying that its bound to happened to you im just saying wait a little bit and test it out before you get kids involved when it becomes too late!!!
2007-12-03 17:15:40 · answer #9 · answered by cubana 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is not a path I would suggest you follow Wabby.
Finish your education, then get some work experience, marriage in 5-8 years, and kids when you have established a home and have a few dollars behind you.
LoL Wabby, Advice is easier than action. Sigh, if I knew then what I know now, life would have been so much easier for me.
2007-12-03 12:28:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋