I want to be reformed Jew, but my family insists that I remain Orthodox. What should I do?

Question

Okay so my family is Jewish-Orthodox, and i absolutely HATE it. They make me wear skirts to school, even though i go to a public high school, so im the ONLY 1 wearing skirts. i feel very akward being the only 1. but thats not it. on rosh hashana (the jewish new year) i got in trouble for picking up my cell phone. u no and i dont even believe 1/2 the stuff, like not using a computer, or watching tv, or using an ipod on shabbat (saturday). u wanna show me where it prohibits usage of the above stated in the bible? yah i didnt think so. the rabbis decided this. i missed the homecoming dance cuz "shabbat" wasnt over when it started and my parents refused to let me go. its a load of crap if u ask me. like, ill be 15 in less than a month (!!!) so am i wrong thinking i have the right to make my own decision when it comes to religion? its my life!! not my parents. its a decision that i myself need to make. its also creating fights btwn me and my mom, & as always my dad backs my mom

its just that i cant stand it any more and i gave 0 interest in remaining orthodox. what shud i do. my parents make me wear skirts. no pants. i feel almost like im "playing dress-up", and im tired of playing dress-up at the pleasure of my parents and everyone else in this godforsaken community.

Answer 1

. I understand what you're saying. I almost said "I understand how you feel" but of course, not being you, I don't. I think Scott L is right. You really don't have much choice but to follow your family's rules until you're 18 and then do what you want. This is a very sad situation--not only for you, I'm sure, but also for your parents. I won't try to second-guess anyone here. You know what the rules for Shabbat are--and as you said, they're Talmudic by and large, not Torah. However you also know that those are the rules.

I'm really, really sorry that things are so difficult for you. My best suggestion is for you yourself to go and talk to your rabbi. Why? Not to get "convinced" of anything, but I'm sure that he's seen this issue come up many times before and perhaps he can mediate between you and your parents.

Answer 2

An orthodox rabbi would invite a reform rabbi over yet could be hesitant to settle for such an invite himself if he had any concerns the meal became no longer solely kosher. Jews and non-jews alike are invited to Bar Mitzvahs. Orthodox jews do have a tendency to maintain themselves slightly insulated from the non-orthodox and gentile populations nonetheless. Orthodox jews do renowned reform jews yet purely evaluate people who're jewish via their mom as jews.

Answer 3

I change my answer and ask m'chilah for any hurt feelings I might have caused you.

I have two anologies for you my dear...

1st You are like an oak tree planted on a sandy beach.

2nd When you need your car to work, you have two choices... You can either do the work called preventative maintenance (oil changes, tire rotations, tune ups, etc...) and thereby reduce the number of major problems your car will encounter, or you can ignore preventative maintenance and do the work of fixing one huge problem after another with your car. Your soul is no different than a car in this respect...

You can either fully understand the 2nd analogy by learning from others' mistakes or by personal experience... the choice is yours.

If you are Jewish and are really dealing with problems like these... please either you and/or your parents should contact Oorah... here is their phone number: 1.800.21.OORAH. They are an organization which can help you and your family deal with the issues you raised.

Whoever you are, I wish you happiness in your life and the ability to fully actualize according to the essence of your soul.

Answer 4

Maybe if their is a Rabbi or some other individual your parents respect you can talk to them as if they can intercede on your behalf.

Otherwise just deal with it. You should be happy that your parents even bought you all that stuff, you would not be able to use it the other six days of the week if they did not.

When you live under your parents roof you live under their rules, that is the way it works kid.

Answer 5

well if you are in the United States you have freedom of choice. but I think you should still respect your parents ways. until you reach the age to decide for yourself, then everything is up to you, in how you want to live. but you will need to reach the age of 18 to do this. so for now you are just going to need to work it out until then. for you are still a minor and they have the say over what you do. but at the age of 18, you can chose what you want to believe, do, dress, or act for then you will be free to make your own decisions.

Answer 6

You only have three more years to put up with it. Once you become 18 you can do whatever you want to do in your own house. Until then you should honor your mother and father and respect their wishes. Sometimes religion becomes a thorn in ones side. Just bide your time and move out when you can.