Can someone help me with my English poem...I really need help?

Question

This is due by Thursday Dec. 6th. I need a poem about 8th grade life and stuff...about me coming to a new school from a different place and experiencing a lot of changes...blah blah
blah.

THE POEM I USED BEFORE FOR THIS CLASS

Breath for me, show me the way,
reveal my path, I'm here to stay.
I used to follow, 3 feet behind,
I used to listen, some intentions inside.
Tension building, anticipation non stop,
my thoughts were filled, It wouldn't stop,
But I always loved, I was always there.
Rage to sickness, love to life,
my world changed, did it fall apart?
Pleasure like no other, all thoughts aside,
My mind was freed, but frozen inside.
I chose my path, but was it right?
Now I am alone, breathing on my own,
happiness at side, my soul forever owned.

-Please, someone, anyone, help me with this poem....please!

This is due by Thursday Dec. 6th. I need a poem about 8th grade life and stuff...about me coming to a new school from a different place and experiencing a lot of changes...blah blah
blah.

THE POEM I USED BEFORE FOR THIS CLASS

Breath for me, show me the way,
reveal my path, I'm here to stay.
I used to follow, 3 feet behind,
I used to listen, some intentions inside.
Tension building, anticipation non stop,
my thoughts were filled, It wouldn't stop,
But I always loved, I was always there.
Rage to sickness, love to life,
my world changed, did it fall apart?
Pleasure like no other, all thoughts aside,
My mind was freed, but frozen inside.
I chose my path, but was it right?
Now I am alone, breathing on my own,
happiness at side, my soul forever owned.

-Please, someone, anyone, help me with this poem....please

Edit: for the people who asked, i need you to write a poem, and for the people who said keep it the same, i already turned that one in, i need a new one!

Answer 1

with the remote in my hand
i pressed start and began
no cheat sheet to guide me
just what i knew, hoping it would be enough

the levels got harder and i tried to understand
this game was to mold me into a young man
soon i'd be done and get my degree
and all of it was worth it, the easy and the tough

???
i know its cheesy i usually right sad poems
but maybe you can work with the idea of this poem

Answer 2

First of all, it looks great! You don't need someone else writing a poem for you (that's cheating!). You seem to be a good poet, so write it from the heart!

Suggestions for your old poem:
- The first word should be "breathe", not "breath".
- Write out the number three.
- It is 'non-stop', not 'non stop'.
- Some things are capitalized and some aren't. I might be just a little too picky, but try to be consistent when you capitalize words. (Example: "Tension building, Anticipation non-stop,
My thoughts were filled, It wouldn't stop" or "Tension building, anticipation non stop, My thoughts were filled, it wouldn't stop")

Answer 3

This is really good. If it tells how you feel about the move and all the changes ..why change a thing in it? You have a gift man. But why are you now alone and your soul forever owned? I love the poem ...I was just curious to know what happened to make you feel like you no longer have your soul.

Answer 4

My heart is in poetry and obviously so is yours! Your poem is from your heart and that's where all your poems should come from not from someone else. It just won't mean the same...Only you truly know who you are and what's inside. Take a deep breath, close your eyes and visual where you want to go in your poem. Don't think of it as being due Thursday...that will screw you up...I'd say good luck but you don't need it! You are a natural!!!!

Answer 5

do you want the poem re-written? Or a new poem? Why did you use it before and now seem to want to use it again?

Change 'anticipation t' to 'worry' - it fits better

instead of "did it fall apart" how about "so much strife" (that rhymes too)

Change 'pleasure' to "joy"

change " I" am to 'I'm"

Instead of "breathing on my own?
say 'taking a breath'
and last line " Joy is jijlted, could this be death?" to rhyme with breath.

OK?

Use or not as you wish. Nice work.

Answer 6

that poem is good wt help do u need?

Answer 7

what do u need to change. Its gorgeous

Answer 8

Quando iniziò la storia di Amleto? Esiste un vecchio documento riguardante la nascita della Danimarca che tratta dell'argomento. Lo scrisse Saxo Grammaticus, circa quattro cento anni prima della nascita di Shakespeare. Saxo narra la storia del re e della regina di Danimarca e del loro figlio, Amleto. Il fratello del re uccide Saxo e sua moglie, da ciò Amleto cercherà vendetta. Non darà modo al principe di dubitare della sua fedeltà benchè egli si comporterà come uno stupido giullare. Ma in realtà uccide un suo amico, e succivamente uccide il re malvagio in persona. Nella leggenda, non si narra della morte del principe. Si dice che diventi un grande soldato e un grande sovrano. Si sposerà con la bellissima regina scozzese. A differenza dei drammi di Shakespeare la storia ha un lieto fine. Dapprima della morte di Saxo, ci furono poesie islandesi che narravano una storia simile, ma non si conoscono le date di composizione. Molto più avanti nel 1570, uno scrittore francese riesumò la storia. Egli si chiamava Francois de Belleforest. Non molti anni dopo, alcuni studiosi ritenevano che fu il drammaturgo inglese Thomas Kid a scrivere la storia di Amleto. Si sa per certo, però, che Kyd scrisse una novella chiamata "The Spanish Tragedy" nel 1586. Essa fece molto scalpore ai tempi, dacchè inspiro molti altri artisti contemporanei. Fu spesso soprannominata "La tragedia della vendetta" che in altre parole, discuteva in che modo l'uomo possa digerire una vendetta. Lo stesso Kid, con Shakespeare e altri scrittori del tempo, prese inspirazione dai violenti scritti di Seneca. Le sue storie, anch'esse, parlavano di sotterfugi, omicidi, fantasmi, violenza. Il vendicatore di Shakespeare, Amleto, è meno diretto delle rispettive contro parti di Seneca e Kyd. E' come se fosse bloccato, ha dubbi, pensieri. Questo lo caratterizzò come uno dei più affascinanti personaggi nel teatro mondiale. Ma dov'è si trova il castello di Amleto? Nella novella Shakespiriana viene chiamato Elsinoire. Esiste una città in Danimarca chiamata Helsngor (la versione danese di "Elsinoire") in cui risiede un vecchio castello, Kronborg Slot. Ma non si tratta del castello di Amleto. Amleto visse centinaia di anni prima che questo castello fosse costruito. Ma alla gente di Kelsngor non dispiace il nesso con Shakespeare, infatti spesso ci sono dei spettacoli su Amleto a Kronborg Slot.

Answer 9

i think its really really good.
i would keep it the way it is.

Answer 10

what r we supposed to do?