What do you think about our marriage?

Question

We have been together for 5 1/2 years and things aren't rosy. My husband has been disabled now for 1 1/2. I work, study and look after the house and he cares for our son during work hours. Thing is we hardly talk and he never shows much affection. He is often more engrossed in computers or something and with us both studying we don't get to bed past midnight and hardly ever get jiggy with it. He is very tired and on painkillers etc but am I being selfish to expect cuddles etc as I never get any attention. When I lose it and argue with him he never says much. If we row I always have to make the move to sort it. It's like he loves me but does't want me around really. He says I am beautiful sometimes but never thinks about me etc. I clean and do all the jobs and am exhausted but when I come home he has never done anything even though he could do little jobs. I am so tired of being thoughful and caring but never getting anything back. He says he forgets but surely that means he doesn't

care? I just feel out of sight out of mind. I'm no superwoman and I have only had one night off in 2 years to myself. I do all bills, organising and he has to deal with one thing like the library books and he doesn't even do that and I get no thanks no anything. I feel quite lonely.
Thanks

Thing is he's always been like this and when I point things out he seems genuinely sorry but i';ve heard that word and been let down so many times it means nothing anymore!

Answer 1

What you need is a holiday away from your husband, even if it is just a week. Can you get someone to care for him while you are away? It might make him realise just how much he depends on you. People often make the mistake of 'making allowances' for a disabled person but this is not always the right thing to do. Being disabled doesn't give someone the right to be ill mannered, aloof, unloving or bad tempered. You should expect and receive the care and love anyone is entitled to from their spouse. Caring for someone with disabilities can be very tiring and a break away, perhaps with friends is not a 'cop out' but just a way to recharge your batteries. I would suggest though that you have an honest conversation with your husband and tell him exactly what is wrong with his behaviour and attitude towards you. What you have said in your question should be put to him. He might not like it but it will at least make it clear to him what he is doing to your marriage. If he agrees to go, try some Counselling.

Answer 2

Try Councilling

Maybe After Whatever Happened That Caused Your Husband Disabilty He Withdrew Into HimSelf Which Is The Cause For The Lack of Thought && Care

Try Working It Through Together So He Knows Your There But Still Work It Through As This Arrangement Is Not Fair On You

Yes Disability Is Serious But So Is Over Working YourSelf If You Do Everything One Day You Blow From The Stress && Pain

If Councilling Doesnt Work You Might Have To Consider Divorce As This Might Be The Best For Both Of You

Hope Things Work Out

=D

Answer 3

I always say that mariage is a "give" and "give" and not a give and take. Both parties have to put in 100%, it's not 50/50. I don't know the extent of the disabilities but from the sounds of it your hubby is not confined to a chair or bed. He should be giving all he can to your realationship, whatever that might be, but I am sure it is the effort that you are looking for from him more than the actual result. Pain meds disrupt sexual desire sometimes so you need to remind him of why he married you and be verbal about your needs. Most of all marriage is for better or worse, so when the worse times come, you have to do what you can to make it better. I also think you need to do what you have to to get a little alone time all to yourself. Resentment can lead you to feel other negative feelings that wouldn't normally be there. I hope that the two of you figure it out before too much resentment is built up.

Answer 4

was married 27yrs.we made love atleast 6 of 7 nights, if not 7.he ran around on me.it was over,i have values and i have always done and was happy taking care of my man, just isn't enough for some people you know.i was single 4yrs.raising my grandkids[temp]met a man on the dating site called plentyoffish,this man is a angel he site everynight and watch cartoons with my babies for a month. he loves them so much and has a son of 21 but no grandkids. he includes me in on all his plans present and future.romantic till no end, something i've always wanted and we both are very romantic,always candles.and we have the best time dancing in my kitchen and taking shots together.he know and we tell eachother everyday how happy we are together,and how much we know we love eachother. his profile said must be romance!! i didn't realize what all i was missing in my marriage.we made love, but maybewe didn't know how to be romantic. but it felt like i'd been doing it all mylife when this guy came alone, that's what it takes i know forsure.there's nothing like both of you feeling like a angel, sexy all the time.and it's the most relazing, loving relationship we've ever had.we are always in a great mood.no matter what we do.we have a ball.and you know he agrees with all i have said. he's right beside me. that's what it takes. the world is so rushed,can relaz and love eachother and make sure each of you know it. i've told him time and time, if everyone could and would have romance it would be a happier world.but,it's hard to meet people like this.we want to think it was ment to be. and he only lives 3 miles away. how lucky we are. nov,28 07 was a year ago we met. good luck,i know when people don't work and have health problems. it's affects things,plus the man is the bread winner,he may feel like a let down, and usless. that's the way a guy i knew said he was. sorry, hang in there and get him to talk about things, make changeshope i've helped.

Answer 5

Your depressed, he's depressed, get some professional help. Maybe brain storm with him and find out what more he could do around the house each day to help you out. Why can't he look after the bills? Give him jobs! Does he get a disability check? How disabled is he? Is his brain damaged? Does he have a bad back? It is surprising how much a disabled person can do if they are not depressed.

Answer 6

Hi

Things is a i was married, but i dont even whant to go there, i was married for 4 years, we never had sex due to some problem!

Best thing is get someone to talk with him indrectly like son or someone else, sister, brother etc, just talk with them, and they will automatically talk to him.

After this think about sharig duties, you cnat work and o things at home!

I was the bread winner, however wife did things at home, and some social time she had plenty of, she still wasnt happy and i ended it due to the fact that we really fell apart, its so sad,

But you will patch it up, as you have something very special: a child, and he or she is a darling! well better be!

make your children loveyou so when they get older they look after you!

goldern rule of my grandpas!

look after yourself, make sure someone talks to him.

How is he disabled pm me

kidn regards

Tovia

Answer 7

For better for worse..for richer for poorer .in sickness and in health. Those words either have meaning to you or you lied.

Life can get pretty tough. Stick it out, girl.. better days will come. Just be patient.

By the way..if you believe in God at all.. it could be He believes it is time for you to learn patience and awareness of others needs above your own no matter what ( as He does for all of us , and Jesus said learn to be perfect even as the Father in Heaven is perfect ) ... learn everything that comes to you is from God and handle it all according to the ten commands.

Answer 8

Your husband maybe suffering from depression.

Have him evaluated to make sure he's mentally OK.

If he is you should ask him how much he wants to be married to you.....then if he's on board with doing whatever it takes.....you should both get some marriage counseling.

Answer 9

He quite possibly could be depressed and wallowing in self pity. I feel bad for you, I really do. You need to make all of this clear for him and then set a timeline. If things don't get better, you may need to get a divorce.

Answer 10

Could be wrong, but he sounds like he's feeling sorry for himself. Could need a bit of counselling