Please help, I need your advice?

Question

A friend of mine wants to sell my house as she tells me it's too large for a single person. We talked about it on Friday and today (Monday) she turned up on my doorstep, with an estate agent.
She says it's for my own good and that I will be far better off in a small flat, but I am really happy living here in the countryside. Now she is telling me that I am just being selfish and difficult. She has helped me a lot after my brother died three years ago.
I feel she is taking over my life and as I am alone I need your good opinion?

I am quite capable of taking care of myself and I am a keen gardener.

I have lived in this house all my life, which I shared with my brother until he died three years ago. My friend is my neighbour.

I have know her for two years. She is in her late thirties and lives with her husband. They have been my neighbours for about four years. She has always been very friendly and helpful, but perhaps a bit too helpful of lately.

I have to add that I have never asked for her help.

Answer 1

Martin, Martin, Martin......here's the deal my dear, you haven't really known her that long so you need to be very cautious in
dealing with her. You say you have not asked her for any help,
let that continue and DO NOT let her see any of your deeds,contracts or personal papers whatever you do!! Honestly hon you must be very firm and just like one of the other people on here said, tell her the whole issue is not up for discussion. I must admit that I am very concerned for you. I am afraid that you will let this woman ( and I'm just not sure her intentions are good) talk you into doing something that you will be very sorry for. This real-estate agent may well be
a friend or relative of her and her husbands and they may be in cahoots together to get your house away from you. Do you have any trusted relatives that you can call or have come over to talk to about this problem? Sometimes, and I'm assuming
here that you are a senior citizen as am I, we just have to stomp our foot and tell someone to mind their own business
even if we are concerned about hurting feelings. It appears to me that she isn't worried about yours. The reason I am so fired up about this is because two of my brothers, one is a millionaire, the other not even close, but they both got an older person to sign over their homes and everything else to them and then they treated the old people horribly and took their every last penny. I don't want this to happen to you. Read all of the answers on here from different folks with your best interest at heart and act quickly to get this taken care of. Please let us know soon what the outcome is. Best of luck to you dear friend. Eve

Answer 2

I go along with the general consensous that your neighbor is
pushing you to sell, in order for her to get a 'kickback' from
the sale, in some way. Maybe she gets a 'finders fee' from
passing on potential clients to the realtor. I wonder why the
sudden interest in your selling your house now, when I'd think
she'd have approached you when your brother passed away,
if he was living there with you. I'd certainly question her interest. As it's apparent she's not truly interested in your
welfare, but instead, her own. I am amazed she would say
you were being selfish and difficult. To her? Are you expected
to lay down and submit to a person, because she wants you
to? Only dogs do that!
If you are able to maintain your property and feel comfor-
table tell her so, and that puts an end to the subject. And
further tell her, that you are disappointed in her bullying nature
as you'd considered her to be a friend (past tense). And
then excuse yourself, saying you had much to do around the
place, and it can't get done, if you are standing around and
talking. And then end with "goodbye", with a final tone to
your voice.
I'm sorry to hear that a former friend, has betrayed you.
That can be so disappointing when people do that. Anyway,
when or if the time comes for you to move down in space,
I know you'll know it and you will make the decision at that
time, and no sooner.
What is that expression about bewaring of wolves in
sheeps clothing? This sure seems to be the case!
Please let us know the outcome on this. I am truly interest-
ed. Good luck on this matter.

Answer 3

My gosh ! Don't sign a thing!!! Sounds like your "friend" is pulling a fast one. She's probably getting a cut of the price of your house. How do you know that was a real real estate agent? You'll have to flatly tell her you don't want to sell your house and your staying there even if it breaks up the so called friendship. As long as your happy and can afford to keep your house you should keep it. You'll always regret it if you let her talk you into selling so DON"T sell. Maybe you want to leave the house and land to the land trust . Are there any senior programs there? Anyone you can have come to visit you and talk to you ? Go to a lawyer to find out how you can stop her from harrassing you about the house. That's what it is harrasseing an elder. She must have something crooked going on to pressure you this way. Go see a lawyer and start not telling her about anything you do or are going to do. Remember don't sign anything she's trying to make you feel guilty because she helped you when you brother died BUT I think she did that to get your house. Please talk to a lawyer she's not your friend.

Answer 4

You have had lots of advice saying not to sign anything and to tell everyone you don't want to move and that advice is correct and good. However I feel there is something a bit deeper here that needs addressing. Why would your friend believe you would go for this. Is it possible that with the death of your brother you have become something of a recluse. Maybe you should take some positive steps to find more friends and get a bigger social circle. There are various clubs and social gatherings for older people and it might be a good idea to try a few. The local paper. social services, the local library and citizens advice are good sources of information. I know it is difficult to go to these things on your own but maybe you should pluck up your courage and give it a try

Answer 5

If she was your good friend WHY would she want you to move away.......
She sounds bossy and pushy and is treating you like an old fool...which you are not.
You say you have lived in this house all your life, therefore this house is probably worth lots of money...that should ring alarm bells.
Ring the Estate agents immediately and tell them to leave you alone or you will report them to the Police.
Write her a letter, thank her for all that she has done in the past.
Also tell her that you have no intention of selling and that you have spoken with your Solicitor and he now has all the deeds of your house, together with instructions from you not to sell it. He has now changed your will accordingly and all your financial matters are solved.
I would suggest you really do visit a Solicitor and write up your will. They can be very helpful and suggest honest ideas for how you want your estate to be managed.

Good Luck Martin, please keep us informed, I hate to read about unscrupulous people playing on honest people. They come in all forms and appear as friends...but please take care.....xx

Answer 6

Don't be railroaded into something you will regret ,Your house must have great sentimental value to you. I live on my own in a 6 roomed house I know it is too big for me but I couldn't bare to leave ( I brought my sons up here ) and I will stay here until I can no longer afford the upkeep. I may even take in a lodger in the future . I don't know what is going on with your friend but I would look out if I was you .Good luck and I hope you have many more happy years in your own home

Answer 7

Do not be pushed into something you dont feel ready for. Even though she has helped you alot, it does not give anyone the right to take over your life, if you are happy where you live and you want to carry on staying there then you need to get a bit more firmer and say so. I don't mean you should fall out, but just tell her that you do not want to move, you apprecaite she believes she has your best intrests at heart but you really have made your mind up and want to stay put. If she is any sort of friend she will respect that decision and stop trying to be so pushy about it.
You have a right to decide where you live, stick to your guns but dont give in to anyone if you are not happy with it.

Answer 8

If she is a true friend then she will listen to you and quit pressuring you to sell your house. I'm worrying that she is trying to get some or all of your money from selling the house. Too many awful people take advantage of lonely people. How long have you known her anyway? I would be very, very careful. The fact that she's calling you selfish and difficult sounds very manipulative to me. I hope you are not the victim of a scheming woman. Don't you have other friends? Go talk to your pastor or a neighbor about the situation. I'm worried about your safety with this woman.

Answer 9

You need to have a sit down chat with the person who is rushing you into something you DO NOT WANT.
This is your life, it's your house. Whether or not to stay in it is YOUR CHOICE, no one else's.

Tell your friend, she really needs to back off. You'll let her know when you are sincerely in the market for such changes. Until then, her fast moving train (and what she thinks you need) needs to just go on by on it own track and leave you be.
Do it. Do it fast. Helping a person, does not give them the license to proceed on into a person's life and forcefully move them forward into areas they themselves DO NOT WANT.

Put a stop to it. Tell her to back off. You're right, she is trying to take over your life and she will if you don't stop her.
Remember this: "Helping is the sunny side of control." It may be well intentioned but it is still nonetheless, "control."

Answer 10

oh dear..your friend had her own agenda from the start and now she's put you in the position of seeming ungrateful..that's called predatory grooming.. sign nothing and go to citizens advice. You should have an age concern organisation in your area that will help protect you from such interference...please tell me you have NOT given this woman any power of attorney? contact Friends in Bereavement as well..it will help you come to terms with your loss without getting involved in such a mess with someone. Don't be hard on yourself but deal with it now. The estate agent is not acting professionally. contact their office and ask them to keep away please.you need to be firm and even a little rude or you'll find that people will keep doing this to you. Boundaries are invisible to other people until you tell them. Be brave. your local CVS will help too.