my boyfriend was previously married. He still has a close relationship with the ex, we are now having our 1st baby, they didn't have kids, but deep inside I'm afraid he still likes her, you never forget your 1st love??? is he over her??
2007-12-03 08:14:37 · 33 answers · asked by ...... 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
by the way they are still married, no money to get a divorce, but he said they are working on it, so we could get married!!!
2007-12-03 08:21:35 · update #1
It is a natural feeling to wonder about if he still has feelings or to even feel some jealousy. But to act on your feelings? That is the question. Being pregnant with yours and his first child (congratulations, by the way!) is the perfect time to put those feelings of the past behind you (since in reality it already is behind you) and focus on being positive and making new memories and traditions together. If you choose to dwell on negative feelings about her you only will drive him away.
Yes, when you love someone you really always do love them, at least a part of you still loves a part of them. But, the reality is they are NOT together and in love, YOU TWO ARE! So be happy and enjoy your time together!
Best wishes...
2007-12-03 08:21:27 · answer #1 · answered by Just Kristina 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband was previously married and in a serious relationship after that. He has a relationship with both of them only because there are children involved. Is he still friends with any other exes that he doesn't have kids with? Nope. Why? Because he loves me and only me, and there is no reason to maintain even a friendship with them. Am I jealous of his exes? Yes, I am. Why do women get jealous of their man's exes? Because those women were there before you, had your man before you, and were part of his life that you know very little about.
Is your man over his ex? Hard to say, but if he had any respect for you and his unborn child, he would see how much this "relationship" is bothering you and sever his ties unless it relates to the divorce. Tell him how you feel and see what he says.
2007-12-03 08:48:57 · answer #2 · answered by KitKat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its our nature to be jealous but you should feel confident within yourself maybe they are just friends has he told u why he continues this relationship if they had kids I could understand but they DON"T I'm not trying to be cruel but if this was an issue before you should have thought a little more about getting pregnant A child doesn't change anything if u thought by getting pregnant it would change things WRONG He loved her enough to MARRY her she is the ex-wife and u are the girlfriend with child all i can say is GOOD LUCK.
2007-12-03 08:39:38 · answer #3 · answered by lety1575 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am still married. And we have not maintained a close relationship. We have a daughter whom is 5, together. I have not wanted a relationship with him, except a parenting one. My fiance would not allow me to have a close relationship with my ex...just as I would not allow that if he had that with his ex. I love my finace and I respect him and what he wants when it comes to other men.
An ex is an ex. Doesn't matter the history. Shouldn't matter if they are still married, were together for 20 years, ect. It doesn't matter. He is with you, your having a baby together, that should be enough for him to cut the ties with this wife of his. And you need to be strong about this, you need to sit him down and tell him, that you don't tolerate this kind of thing. Your having a baby, stress is not good for an unborn baby. He needs to let her go so he can live a LIFE with you.
2007-12-03 08:29:48 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
when I first read your question, I thought it probably was no big deal...but then I saw your additional comments that they are not divorced yet because of money...so...
your boyfriend was not "previously married"...he IS married, now in the present...people without money manage to get divorced...especially when there are no children involved...they waive the filing fees for low-income individuals and since there are no children, it would probably be fairly straight forward...so they most likely could have gotten divorced by now...but maybe there are other details left out of that one...
anyway, since she is NOT his ex...she is his wife...maybe there is still something there...maybe not...you'll have to wait and see I suppose...but you probably should have waited for the divorce to be final before you got pregnant if you were so concerned that he may still love his wife....
2007-12-03 08:51:00 · answer #5 · answered by aquarius_tattoo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one will probably ever really know if he is over her or not, except for him. How close of a relationship do they have? if he is completely honest with you about his relationship with her then you probably have nothing to worry about. usually if a guys is doing something wrong he'll try to hide it. If he spends time with her i would suggest going along next time they hang out together. If theres something going on you will probably be able to tell in the way they interact. If he seem uncomfortable or uneasy he may be hiding something. Maybe you should become friends with her, because if she views you two as friends she may be less likely to cross the line with him. The best thing to do if you are really worried it to just be honest with him about you concerns and how you feel.
2007-12-03 08:24:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since your boyfriend doesn't have anything tying him to his ex (like kids), he should stop having contact with her.
I read a book once called "The Dating secrets of the 10 Commandments" by Shmuel Boteach. I'm not Jewish but I thought he made a good point when it came to past relationships. He compared past relationships to Egypt in the story of Moses. In the Old Testament of the Bible, Moses led the Jews out of Egypt to go to the promised land. Although the Jews were slaves to Egypt, some of them stilled liked living in Egypt because at least they had a roof over the head and knew their future (although anybody outside of this situation would tell them it sucked). Old relationships are like this. There are some aspects of them that are comfortable but in a whole they didn't work. Ultimately, people need to "leave Egypt" (i.e. leave the old relationship) and embrace the "promised land" (new relationship).
Whether you believe in the Bible or not, I thought the story makes a good point about holding on to old relationships and helped me let go of past relationships myself.
2007-12-03 08:31:25 · answer #7 · answered by Sleepy Dad 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No....First of all....only a small percentage of guys marry their 1st love......second.....I have been married & faithfull to my gorgeous 2nd wife for 21 years. My ex-wife was a cheat & a whore ( but not a very good one ) who kicked me out of the house many years ago & stole our 2 boys + our house. ---Will I ever forget my ex-wife ? Probably not only because I still DESPISE her to this day. My 2nd wife has given me happiness that I never dreamed was possible. You have NOTHING to be jealous of. Your child will bring you even closer together with your boyfriend. ------Take it from me----Your boyfriend will find out that his relationship with you will prove, as the saying goes, that Love IS BETTER the second time around----Good Luck.
2007-12-03 08:32:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stress is not good on you and your unborn child, relax and know that he loves you, and only you, and tell him as calmly as you can that it still bothers you that he is still talking to her, I think he should be paying more attention to you and your unborn child.
When I was pregnant with my daughter, she is ten years old now, I was so alone, my husband was working all the time, and I was left hom alone with two dogs, and no one, everyone lived upstate from me, I was terribly alone.
And being pregnant, and the hormones, and no one there for you, yeh, honey, it is hard, you have all these feelings and thoughts about your boyfriend and his ex, what I would do is tell him to be with you and your and his unborn child, this is a wonderful time for all of you, and he should be there to experience it!
Stress is not good, he should be there to limit the amount of stress you are going through, including the ex!
2007-12-03 08:26:45 · answer #9 · answered by carriegreen13 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is divorced from her...why is there a need to have a close relationship with her? They don't share children.....I think you should listen to your gut instincts.....I don't know that you should be jealous...but she should be very concerned with their relationship....
You were misleading...you said "he has a close relationship with his ex" If he isn't divorced....then he is still legally married....Since they are still married...there is a chance that they could work things out.....guess you should have waited to to date him..after the divorce was final....
2007-12-03 08:19:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋