Have I created a Monster?

Question

I'm 38, married for 9 years with 2 great kids , I feel like I do everything for my Wife... So much to the point that I'm starting to feel bitter twords her. I do it all the cooking the cleaning everything. Heres a typical day, I get her out of bed a 5:45 I start coffe and Iron everyons clothes for the day. she gets herself ready for work wile i get the kids out of bed, fed and dressed for the day. The kids are 5 and 8. She leaves for work. I get the kids off to school and then go to work. I come home after work make dinner. She "can't cook" clean up after dinner usualy start laundry most nights put the kids to bed at 8:30. Lately I have been working in the garage getting ready for a pending addition to our house. I come back in the house about 10:00 and fold laundry at which point she (sitting on the couch) says why dont you leave that for tomorow.. Am I missing something.? This is the way it has always been, have I created this monster by not making her do more of the work..

Answer 1

I certainly sounds like you have. Talk to her and tell her how you feel.

Answer 2

If your wife was home all day, her behaviour would make me angry. But she has a job too, just like you. But that doesn't give her an excuse to do nothing in the house, and you doing everything. If she doesn't wanna cooperate and do her part of the work, I can imagine you start to feel bitter towards her.
If I were you I would definitely talk to her and tell her to do her part of the task. Maybe she should wake up and realize this can't go on. Don't be afraid to hurt her feelings. She knows very well that you are doing everything!!
But if you don't protest, she will have the situation as it is now.
Don't let her walk over you, she won't respect you when you let her. Tell her firm and insist that she has to do her part of the job.
My hubby and me do everything together, or at least try to divide the jobs that are to be done, I would never want him to do everything....I love him, so we do it together. And if your wife says she can't cook, that's no excuse, she might try to learn to cook a.s.a.p.!!!!

Answer 3

Yes you have and not it is time to fix it. You need to tell her that you are tired and that you need more help. Everything is your responsibility and it is not fair. You need to decide who is going to do what since she is doing nothing. I would stop waking her up and ironing her clothes. She is a grown woman with a husband and children. If you cook the dinner she should clean it up. I would also tell her that you are starting to feel bitter about how your lives are. It is time to be brutally honest and get this out into the open. You are the housemaid before and after you go to work. Stop it soon, it has been long enough and this could last the rest of your life if you do not. Good luck.

Answer 4

To give you the short answer....yes you have created a monster. I can definitely understand your resentment. You need to share your honest feelings with her but be careful not to sound too judgemental or accusatory....afterall, you need to admit to her that you helped create this situation by always volunteering to do all of this. Just sit her down and tell her kindly that you could really use her help and that you'd like to see a definite change in the way daily chores are split up. I'm sure she recognizes how imbalanced the chores at right now so she may be alot more open to things than you think. If she cant' cook, then she could at least help with the house work - such as laundry, cleaning the kitchen, etc. In our house, whoever cooks does NOT have to clean up. That's just the rule...and I suggest you institute the same rule!! If you've worked all day and have cooked a great meal, you shouldn't have to clean up after everyone too! Your wife, afterall, got to rest while you were cooking. I think everything will be find as soon as you start owning up to your real feelings and just being honest with her.

Answer 5

I hate going to the grocery store. I can't stand it. My SO doesn't like to go by himself, and when we go, I usually just get my stuff and want to be out of there as soon as I can, but he has to walk across the whole friggin' place to just look at stuff we can't afford, and I can't stand wasting my time at the grocery store doing nothing except getting my *** bumped by all the careless shoppers and their stupid carts.

After a few times of doing that, I started asking for help around the house as well. I help him shop, so I have no problems in asking for help with cooking/cleaning. I'll say "honey, I need a hand here" and he always helps without complaining. We do that so often we have become used to doing everything together, or when I don't help cooking dinner, it is usually because I am doing his laundry or something. But never because one of us is watching TV or playing or stuff. By doing this, we finish doing our stuff at the same time, and can go to bed together.

Maybe just start comunicating better, ASK for help, or stop doing her things. Let her iron her own shirts and do her own laundry. If she can't be a team, she shouldn't recieve the results as a team either.

Answer 6

Wow do you have a brother?? J/J what you are describing goes on at my house on Mother's Day.......granted I am a sahm so I do it all. One should cook and one should clean take turns bathing and both should be putting kids to bed. It takes a woman longer to get ready for work there is lots to do and more maintainence.....so I have to say I understand that. Sounds to me like she should iron clothes at night and fold them while sitting on the couch. You need to put a stop to this cause the resentment will turn into alot more if you don't do something to change the situation. Talk to her about this not strangers on Yahoo that will only hurt her feelings.

Answer 7

OH MY DEAR!

You know, you are doing for your wife what 99.99% of women do EVERY day of their married lives for their husbands & kids!

Did you ever stop to think of that? Who do you think does all of what you are doing if you're not doing it? The good will fairy??? And who do you think feels bitter towards who when the shoe is on the other foot? Dearheart...that is a lot of the reason why women get so angry at their husbands...!!

Bless you for being the sweetheart you are!

What an ideal world this would be if all the chores you mentioned were shared by both spouses, and not the full burden falling to just one?

Hats off to you! I hope your woman appreciates you!!
If she doesn't, you can come to my house...I'll appreciate you LOTS!

Answer 8

I feel you man. I'm in the same boat. I want to say something to her so bad cause like you, I'm starting to get bitter towards our relationship. I keep thinking that surely she'll see whats going on and start helping out, but nothing so far. I hate to say anything cause it would hurt her feelings and then she gets all sarcastic and short tempered. I'm thinkin lately I made a mistake by getting married, it's sure not turned out the way I thought it would.. I wish you the best of luck though with everything and pray that something changes before long..

Answer 9

Oh, honey, you've created a monster! I'm not saying that it isn't sweet of you, or that your wife is lazy, but I think you need to stop. Sit down with your wife and say "I'm not doing A, B, C, or D anymore. It is making me resentful and bitter. I want to feel good, appreciated for the things I do, but I won't go beyond my capabilities when you are here, day in and day out." Don't make her feel guilty, simply say "I'm not doing it anymore" and end the conversation. And then, stick to your guns boy! Both of you need to compromise, decide on what's what and who does it. Roles are important as a married couple. Think of what you are teaching your children. Figure out what role you are and stick to it. She'll come around. She's too busy taking advantage of it right now...Good luck!

Answer 10

That's the way marriage has been since forever... except you are playing the role previously cast to the female, and she the role previously cast to the male.
"She works all day, is it too much to expect dinner when she gets home?"

Doesn't that sentence make you want to hit somebody?? :(

Answer 11

nicely, i think that society maximum surely can "create" those "monsters." Or a minimum of a few of them. i think human beings could be pushed to kill a undeniable type of those that are such as a undeniable guy or woman who at one factor injury them bodily or emotionally. yet rapists, NO, i think it takes a undeniable type of guy or woman to immediately violate somebody like that. Then sense good approximately your self. nicely presently as a teenage female, i in my view could somewhat be killed than raped. end of tale