Would you tolerate a significant other who consistently yelled at you?

Question

What would you do if you've already made repeated attempts to talk about his/her behaviour to no avail?

Answer 1

Yelling, a replacement for competent communication. Your significant other does not feel understood or comprehended in their meaning. Yelling sounds like panic, self anger and fear of shame for failure, perhaps some guilt for inaction or perceived inaction on a perceived need. What are your roles in this relationship and are you living up to them as perceived in this other. Is this other feeling hopeless, losing control, incompetent, experiencing role confusion.....


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erick_Erickson

The Erikson life-stage virtues, in the order of the stages in which they may be acquired, are:

hope- Basic Trust vs. Mistrust
will- Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt
purpose- Initiative vs. Guilt
competence- Industry vs. Inferiority
fidelity- Identity vs. Role Confusion
love (in intimate relationships, work and family)- Intimacy vs. Isolation
caring- Generativity vs. Stagnation
wisdom- Ego Integrity vs. Despair

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gestalt_prayer

I do my thing and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
And you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful.
If not, it can't be helped.
(Fritz Perls, 1969)

A few more thoughts: No body is perfect......Does he have hearing problem. My dad used to yell a lot and he was not very pleasant sometimes. If he is the type that gets high from anger and yelling, he needs professional help.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abraham_Maslow

'People who dealt in managing the higher needs were what he called self-actualizing people. Benedict and Wertheimer were Maslow's models of self-actualization, from which he generalized that, among other characteristics, self-actualizing people tend to focus on problems outside of themselves, have a clear sense of what is true and what is phony, are spontaneous and creative, and are not bound too strictly by social conventions.'

'Peak experiences are profound moments of love, understanding, happiness, or rapture, when a person feels more whole, alive, self-sufficient and yet a part of the world, more aware of truth, justice, harmony, goodness, and so on. Self-actualizing people have many such peak experiences.'

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow%27s_hierarchy_of_needs

Answer 2

There must be something going on that your not aware of, it could be money problems or maybe there is a possibility that someone is going to loose their job. Another possibility is the dreaded "menopause" which can happen as early as in their 40's. If she all of a sudden seems to be over-reacting to things she could her-self have a medical condition she is not aware of. You can't confront her because you already know she will over-react so write her a letter and tell her your concerns tell her your worried in your very first sentence so she knows that it comes from a place of concern and tell her you remember a time when something like the dinner thing would have been no big deal to her and then just ask her in the letter if there is something going on she's not telling you. The other thing you can do is to ask your Dad if Mom is okay and tell him your concerns, but realize he may not see it like you do. Good Luck

Answer 3

If someone consistently yells at you, then you should consider their true motivation for this behavior in order to assess whether you can, in time, change this. Charles Dickens said that most people see the world as reflected by their own jaundiced heart. Most people who exhibit this behavior are projecting their own insecurities and feelings of inadequacy and this is manifested in the form of anger. It is very hard to change someone's behavior unless that person is capable of opening their mind in order to objectively assess whether they are right or wrong. After the anger has passed and you are at a peaceful time it may be a good idea to try to discuss these issues in a calm and loving manner. With all of this said, you need to determine whether this conduct will be a permanent part of your life. You can not allow someone to "steal your soul" by making you feel inadequate. The words of Sarah McLachlin's song "In the Arms of the Angels" come to my mind now. You must find a place of peace and security so that your soul can thrive.

Answer 4

If you've already tried constant communication about it to no avail, sounds like things aren't heading for change anytime soon... Time to leave perhaps. Maybe give yourselves some time apart. That may give the significant other a chance at self evaluation, and possibly a chance to change.

Answer 5

Absolutely not. I wouldn't tolerate that at all. It always surprises me that people will let their spouses treat them in a way they wouldn't even let a stranger. The spouse is supposed to treat you better than a stranger and yet the one person who has vowed to love you, be kind to you, be your very best friend....is the person treating you like crap. It's not right. People who do this haven't learned proper communication skills and may need help with anger management as well. If I was in this situation, I would tell my husband that he either has to get therapy to deal with his communiation issues/anger or we're through.

Answer 6

Depends..... kids or not ???
Start yelling back at him/ her...... as if they can give it , they can take it too..... Or
I find silence is a virtue !!!!
they can't yell at you when you do not speak back to them, they will get bored with the yelling for nothing , but also listen to what they say... Because , lots of times people contradict themselves when they are yelling in anger, That is when you get the upper hand....... Use there own words against them !!!
People say stupid things in Anger !!!

Answer 7

I'd leave. I don't like anyone yelling at me, especially if it becomes a habit. There's more to life than having to walk on eggshells around some putz.

Answer 8

maybe ask him why he feels the need to yell and scream. does he feel unheard? does he feel unappreciated? if he doesnt give you a legitamate answer, that you can work with him on and disregards you, then he obviously doesnt care for you enough yet. and maybe if you leave, he will see the error of his ways and give him a chance to change his way of communicating. this way he can start appreciating you. good luck.-mommy b

Answer 9

Leave and go to a shelter.

Put one foot in front of the other and start walking, the first step will be hard, but the second and third and forth and......will be a lot easier!!!!

Answer 10

I wouldn't tolerate it! If you've already spoken to them about it before, and they still aren't changing, than they obviously don't have respect for you. and things will only get worse!