He says he does not remember how it got in there or how long it was in there,,, he bought the car the weekend before our first date, we dated in that car, We went off and eloped with his/my children in that car. We have only been married 6 months how am I to believe that it was not in there for a reason??? Am I over-reacting??
2007-12-03 08:09:10 · 31 answers · asked by ? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Before you over-react here are the facts of life to help you:
1. There is no Santa
2. Everyone lies (even to themselves)
3. Life is not fair
4. All men cheat
5. Marriage sucks
Happy Holidays. Any other questions email me if you actually want to hear the truth not the fairy tales you believe.
2007-12-03 14:20:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't say how long it had been since his loss.
But, it's very normal for a widow/widower to keep their ring. I still have mine from when my first husband died 30 years ago at the age of 27. I'm now very happily remarried (25 years), but have never lost touch with my feelings for my first husband. No...you can't be in love with a deceased man, but you never, if you really cared for them, completely release feelings, you just put them in their proper place and move on.
So, don't feel badly. I AM surprised he would keep it in an ashtray of all places...mine is in my jewelry box...but he's holding on to that memory of her in his own way. In fact, if I were you, I'd suggest he put the ring somewhere special or more safe. He shouldn't have to feel he needs to hide something that obviously meant a great deal to him. And, it would be giving your approval that he elected to keep it. That would show you to be a caring, understanding person that I'll bet you really are.
I'd cut him some slack...he'll put everything in it's proper place as time goes on. Don't let it bother you...it'll be okay unless you make a big deal of it. The only thing I might be worried about is if he still had all of her clothes, makeup, etc. THAT would be too much.
Just love him...and be patient with his grief. He's not ready to let "all" of her go yet.
God Bless.
2007-12-03 09:05:18 · answer #2 · answered by Barbi T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are over reacting. If he bought that car the weekend before your first date he might have put it in there then. A lot of people wear their rings for a while when their spouse dies. He might have worn it up until the night he took you on your first date with him. He probably put it in there and had forgotten about it in that time. I would give him a break.
2007-12-03 08:41:13 · answer #3 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My wedding ring from my ex wife is laying around the house somewhere, I think it is in a jewelry/ nicknack box on top of my dresser. For about 12 years now. I cant stand that women and want nothing to do with her ever again. But I am glad you said something I'm gonna go sell it for scrap. Maybe I can get something useful out of it.
2007-12-03 08:18:12 · answer #4 · answered by sfcjoe4d 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it were his EX wife then I'd say absolutely not over reacting. But since it is his LATE wife (indicating she died) then yes I think it's fair to say you need to cool your jets.
Divorce is one thing, that's a decision made... but death. Come on now. I'm sure part of him still loves her and you can't deny that to him. You are not her, I'm sorry. It's his ring and it's up to him as to when he's ok with letting it go. It's not as if he has pictures of her up all over the place or a little shrine to her, right? So I say let it go. He probably put it in there and if he's not a smoke totally forgot about it.
2007-12-03 08:15:44 · answer #5 · answered by Gryph 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you're over-reacting sorry. Just because she died, there is nothing to say your husband doesn't still love her - and there's nothing wrong with that. At the end of the day, your husband chose to remarry - and he chose to remarry YOU. So be grateful for that, and don't give him a hard time or make him feel guilty. They obviously had children together so don't expect him to just forget about her. He has a history - just like you do... you need to accept that. Good luck :)
2007-12-03 08:18:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jay, you are over reacting. Give the guy a break and the benefit of the doubt. Be thankful you have a husband at this late juncture in your life. Good luck, Susan.
2007-12-03 08:15:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why are you reacting over a ring? A ring doesn't mean anything, it's just a ring, i would not worry about this as i think it is very samll compared to what if you found a pair of underwear, now that would be a reason to worry. Don't worry.
2007-12-03 08:30:49 · answer #8 · answered by carol p 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you're over-reacting. Don't be jealous of a dead woman unless she is somehow impacting your relationship with your husband now. What would you have him do with the ring? Get rid of it? It's not necessary. Just ask him to put it away and don't think about it again.
2007-12-03 08:39:20 · answer #9 · answered by MarshaMarsha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're in a unique situation. He lost his wife to death, not divorce. He probably feels some sort of betrayal to her for loving you. Let him know that he can be honest about his feelings. You won't judge him or get mad. Whatever he's feeling is natural. Be understanding. He'll appreciate and love you even more for being a true best friend.
2007-12-03 08:21:44 · answer #10 · answered by gatsgrl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋