In May I called off an engagement w/ my ex-fiance because I thought we couldn't communicate and he wasn't listening to my concerns about things we should talk about before we get married. After I broke up with him, he totally understood/ listened to what I'd been trying to say, and started working on things with me.
I thought it might be just to get me back and wanted to take things slow... we've been going to couple's counseling and I see that he is sincere about being a better communicator and working on issues etc., of course we've also worked on my issues including cold feet and fear... I was afraid to get married b/c my parents have a horrible marriage, but I've realized that we are different and that he and I can go the distance together.
I am very sure now that we are ready to get married, and it seems he is, too. My question: would it be silly of me to ask him to marry me since I'm the one who broke it off?
2007-12-03 07:53:40 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First of all, I'd just like to say that I think we are past the days when the man had to do the asking. If you want to marry your significant other, ASK!
As far as your specific situation, how long were you split up and how long has it been since you officially got back together as a couple? I would give it at least a few months before making any kind of a decision. Just to make sure everything really going as smoothly as you seem to think. Then maybe try asking him if he still wants to marry you. Given what you've described, you may have no choice but to do the asking this time around since he may be waiting for you to be comfortable with the effort he's making.
2007-12-03 08:06:29 · answer #1 · answered by QT_Pie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not silly of you to ask him to marry but I am weary of the "communication" issue. My experience has been that it means lots of drama from someone who wants to say "communicate" often. If a relationship is good then communication comes naturally.
Think long and hard about it. Marriage is not something to enter into lightly, despite what people think about it in today's times.
2007-12-03 08:00:09 · answer #2 · answered by James 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to take it a day at a time. After two years you must have been holding out some hope that the two of you would get back together? I would imagine they felt a bit guilty seeing you, but it sounds as if you pulled it off alright. Now is the time to concentrate on yourself, and not whether he is going to fall apart without your presence. If you are two years down the road of depression, perhaps counseling is in order to get you over the hump. He is the one who cheated, not you, so stop blaming yourself, stop fooling yourself. If he DID come back to you now, he would be even flakier than he was before. You have had a horrible betrayal by the two people in your life that you were closest to (outside your family). It takes time to get over it, but it can happen.
2016-05-28 00:44:37 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No problem with you asking him and you should also ask yourself a question if you are mature enough to marry.
I work in an EXTREMELY mind challenging field and sometimes I come home with work on my mind. My wife has learned to recognize when I 'am in space' and not ask trivial questions. I have also learned the signs when she has something important to tell me and that it is time to come down to Earth.
I hope your counselor has taught you there is more to communication than words. If not, you may not be ready to marry yet.
2007-12-03 08:16:36 · answer #4 · answered by sad_state_of_affairs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No - there's nothing wrong if woman will take the lead.
We are in different generation sweety!
Make a set-up of something romantic and offer the ring to him, I think that would be really, really sweet.
One downside is you don't have the same story with some other women... well, it maybe not that bad.
2007-12-03 08:01:35 · answer #5 · answered by brittanique 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I'd still give it some time. Why rush? You've seen what your parents went through. Be the better person and have a little patience. Though you have seen his sincerity in changing, it doesn't happen over night. I'd wait, sweetie.
2007-12-03 08:01:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No it would not be silly. If he turned it around and realized what you needed from him for a healthy relationship, I say go for it and best wishes to you both!
2007-12-03 07:59:24 · answer #7 · answered by Nikki 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd wait it out a little longer. The right time will present itself.
If you ask him, you will never know for sure if he wanted too.
2007-12-03 07:59:17 · answer #8 · answered by Chipmonk 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not think that it would be silly for you to ask him. He knows what your issues were and you have worked on them together. I would ask him. Good luck.
2007-12-03 08:10:44 · answer #9 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course. I think that'd make it fun and he'll also feel more secure about your relationship being that you asked him the second time around.
2007-12-03 08:04:07 · answer #10 · answered by Amy C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋