Am I a selfish person to feel resentment when I give but don't get?

Question

This is in the context of a relationship.

I would like to not feel resentment, but I do. Do you all too?
is it normal?

And then, when I *ask* for what I want, I feel needy, which is again not sending the right message.

So eitherways, asking (coming across as needy) and not asking (feel resentful inside) seem to be the wrong paths.

Do I need to learn to never expect anything when I give to someone in a relationship?

I need to clarify. I give because I want to give. I give purely for that reason. I never give to receive. But it is after I give a few times without getting anything back (or the same back) I start to feel hurt.

Answer 1

The thing is that you need to stop keeping score. If you want to give, then give.

It took me a while, but I finally figured out that my husband isn't psychic, and that men don't think the same way that women do. My husband is very happy to give me what I want, as long as he knows that I want it...but if I don't tell him, he will really just never know. It's not being needy - it's just being honest.

Don't stop giving...just stop expecting that your partner knows what you want without being told.

Answer 2

yes, don't expect a lot from your significant other. Or if you want something, let that person know...try to communicate. But then, again, feeling resentful most of the time is not a good thing in a relationship.

Answer 3

I give because it makes me feel good about myself. When I don't get something back, I feel sorry for that person.

Answer 4

You should give because you want to..Not because you want something in return..I think its a little selfish..

Answer 5

You need to find someone who is willing to learn to understand your needs!

Answer 6

maybe trade sometimes, an hour each or something