in married life hell and need help?

Question

Ive been married for 8 years and have what most would call the perfect life. I have two kids, a house, a wife and all its missing the the picket fence. I work hard...and DO help around the house (dishes, trash and help with the kids bath time and making breakfast every morning). Anyone looking at us from afar would say we have it all. Yet...we have no passion left. None. Its as though all of the wind has gone out of our sail and we are going nowhere. My wife is a very strong texas woman who gets what she wants and would rather win a fight then be fair or right or just. I have been way too passive...trying not to cause problems, and yet. Im more lonely now then i have ever been. My question....when is it right for you to end a marraige when the only thing wrong with it, is that you are lonely and havent had "relations" in a long time?

ps...i have tried to get her to goto theripy and she refuses...using one excuse or another.

Answer 1

Sometimes people just grow apart. We get married to someone and we feel like we are one with each other, a perfect match, soulmates. And over time, we evolve and grow and change and sometimes it is in different directions. Lack of intimacy is a definite sign that something is not there that used to be there. Life is like that, we are constantly in a state of metamorphosis, always growing and changing inside and out, and it's not practical to think that once married, always married. People have a right to the pursuit of happiness, and if you are commited to a non-loving realtionship, then how can you pursue a loving one? I would sit down and discuss where to start, and I would definitely seperate for awhile until you can come to some mutual fair agreement on where to go from here. I wish you the best.

Answer 2

One person in the marriage in trouble always refuses to work on the problem. That is how it is....and since she appears to be sucking the life out of you and doesn't care, it appears that she has no reason to want to change.

Passion is about getting to do and be what you want to in life. Pretending to be happy in a marriage that she dominates isn't happiness. And by the way...it doesn't sound like a perfect life. It sounds miserable.

I once was married to a man that was perfect by outside standards too. He made money, we had a nice life, we travelled, we had things in common, everyone thought we were a great couple. But I was miserable. He was controlling and we NEVER had sex. Everything I needed had an excuse on why he didn't need to do a thing. I tried the therapy route too. But he didn't think he had a problem. I ended it...much to everyone's surprize. But I was quite happy to get away.

I suggest a counseling ultimatum. You sound miserable. Now, I don't believe that she is the only problem. But an outsider (a good and well qualified one) is the only path to enlightenment.

Counseling will provide all the answers you need. Here is how:
1. You will see if she values the marriage at all.
2. You will see if you want to remain married to her at all.
3. You will see what you need to work on in the future to be successful in any marriage. (she may too but that doesn't matter if she doesn't work with you to make a good life).


See. You can't change another person. Period. But you can show the path and let her make the choice. You can also give yourself a chance at happiness. Too often, marriages go sour because one or both think that they know everything..and they forget it is a group project.

No sex is a bad sign. But no passion is much worse. And you wife appears to have no motivation to improve things. Rather than say it is her...maybe she just needs a lightbulb turned on. Give her the choice....counseling and more communication or single miserable life supporting split family. She will see the light one day...but you get the choice of how much longer you will allow dissatisfaction to eat you alive.

Push the subject, don't back down...leave for a while if you have too. Others may disagree. But I can feel your pain. And no relationship is a marriage if it is onesided. Period.

Answer 3

It's time you stop being so passive. Hold your ground and get a legit answer. Sex is a huge part of marriage, and although it's not ALL of marriage, it still covers a lot of ground. Sometimes, I go days without having a real conversation with my husband. We cross paths (lovingly) and he tells me what's going on at the dealership, I tell him the kids need this or that we need to sit down and talk to my son about this...Sex CAN be conversation. Not the "How was work?" or "How did {son} do on his project today?" kind of conversation. It's the "God, I love you!" and the "I want to make you the happiest person on the face of this planet at this very moment" kind of conversation. That's the bridge to real communication. You're wife is avoiding something. Keep strong,s tand your ground. If she is the very strong Texas woman you make her out to be, she should be wise enough to know when there's a problem. Good luck and best wishes!

Answer 4

My friend I know where u are coming from. I went through a divorce about 2 1/2 years ago. It is not the wrought to take. Mine was not by my choice. We didn't have any kids and wasn't married as long as you are but it was still tuff. Have you sat down with her and told her how u feel? If so and she agrees seek some type of counseling. It really helps. I personally would suggest a pastor. I'm not sure if you go to church or not ,but a pastor give the best advice. Not only that most of the time its free. Its sad to say but there's a lot of pastors who have been through some of the same stuff we are going through. We have to remember that there only human to. Anyway, hope this helps. God Bless.

Answer 5

My husband and I have been married for 7 years. We have 3 kids! Let me tell you that the passion is limited when you have young children! It's hard to take care of the house, kids, and your spouse! You need to COMMUNICATE with her! Tell her that you can't handle living without intimacy! Get a babysitter and take her out for some romance! If my husband did that, I would LOVE it! Stand up to your wife! Marriage is about each person giving 100%! Do you love and respect your wife? Divorce is not the answer to your problem, you are the answer! Good Luck!

Answer 6

I was in just about the same boat. You feel like you're roommates instead of partners. An incident occured that was "the straw that broke the camels back" and make it very easy for me to decide to end it. It's tough...but this is life...you don't have a reset switch like some video game or something.

Is the life you're living now good? Or good enough? Or do you want to look back on how you spent your time on earth and be satisfied with it?

P.S. I went for over a year without "relations"...

Answer 7

Do you belong to a church maybe you have a marriage counselor there . Don't end your marriage yet try to make it work you have children who need some passion too . Don't give up so easily ,what did you do to make it passionate in the beginning try going back to when you first got together the same things it took to get her then may bring it back to you now.

Answer 8

First, I want to tell you I'm proud of you for reaching out. It is clear you need good advice. I will tell you this much: Do not give up yet....Not yet. I want to recommend a book to you,,,now,,,I was in a similar situation and this book changed that around, I promise. Please read "The Divorce Remedy" by Michele Weiner Davis. Dude,,The book safed my marriage,,,and probably my life as well. Please find it. Read it. It will help you focus on you, your needs and how to approach certain situations. But please, don't give up yet. Passion can come back stronger than before. I understand where you are coming from. It;s tough,,but hang in there buddy,,,,It will be allright!

Answer 9

God only gives one reason acceptable for divorce and that is adultery.

You should tell your wife how you are feeling about not getting any lovin'. Find out what she thinks the problem is and then find out if she has any solutions for the problem. If she won't talk to you about it, get some marriage counseling, if she won't go, go by yourself and see if you can get any helpful tips.

Answer 10

Plan for heaven. Divorce and bypass forward. existence does not end with injuries do they ? You meet an twist of destiny you flow to a well-being center and as quickly as you're right you lower back stay a classic existence. existence is nearly a journey no incidents may be repeated on a daily basis is constrained and new. stay your stay, you reside merely as at as quickly as as, detect a bodily valuable pal to steer u.