Dinner with hubby and his ex??

Question

okay...so due to the wonderful world of technology...my husband's ex located him on myspace. One convo led to another and we now have dinner plans with her and a 'friend' (male) next weekend. My husband has showed me his conversations via myspace and they seem innocent enough...but I did check his IMs without him knowing and he made reference to 'smiling from ear to ear' when they first were speaking on IM.
We have had a rocky 7 year marraige and are just getting on the right trach again...is a dinner with the ex and her 'friend' a bad idea or is it being polite and letting the past be in the past?? I am torn to be honest. A part of me understands that she shared in his life and can be a friend to him and a part of me imagines total awkwardness next weekend!

Answer 1

Bad idea, woman. He is communicating with someone he used to have sex with and smiling about it. It really is that simple. Tell him no.

Answer 2

If they do not have children in common, this is totally unnecessary. And it most certainly can lead to issues between the two of you. And rekindle feelings from the past. What an uncomfortable situation to place oneself in... I would resist the temptation of having dinner with my x... The past should stay in the past. She is an x for a reason, you are the current and the two of you are trying to work on a relationship that has had it's own problems, I would not add more to the pile with dinner with the x...If they were to meet on the streets they could be polite and speak. However, what purpose is there in getting together for dinner? I can not see one...I wish you the best on this one... Personally, I think you should speak your true and honest feelings, and if he is a good husband he will listen and take your feelings into consideration. Ask him to put himself mentally into your shoes, what if it were your x-husband? How would he feel? The bible says: An honest answer is as pleasing as a kiss on the lips. Proverbs 24:26 Good luck and God bless****

Answer 3

It's a bad idea to me. Unless they have kids there is no reason for her to be in his life. Perhaps someone needs to remind him that they are ex's for a reason.

I would have let him know from the get go that it is a situation that makes me uncomfortable. Sometimes we do need to speak up and let our spouses know how we feel.

It's a bit too late to ask this question now, you have already committed to the dinner, but maybe you can have a talk with him and let him know that you are not comfortable with this and only agreed not to upset him, but you are not feeling any better about it and ask him if you can cancel.

Answer 4

It sounds like they separated as friends and the past is the past but still perhaps respect each other. she may wish they had never broken up but the best way to handle that is to be better than she was and she can't get him back. As long as you are there and he isn't trying to hide it you don't have to worry until he starts to do that, if he ever does. Look at Demi Moore, her current husband, and Bruce Willis who are all friends and often do things together even though Demi and Bruce could not make it while married, and this could be the case here as well. Good Luck to you!

Answer 5

I wouldnt have it. That part of his life is over. If there are no kids then there's no need to keep in contact. It sounds like an enticement dinner....'see who Im with?' sort of thing to arouse old feelings, jealousy, etc.

I wouldnt tolerate it. And the innocent IMing wouldnt have been going on in the first place if it were my husband. But then my husband wouldnt have a 'myspace' for exes to track him down in the first place.

The lack of boundaries in marriage today are exactly whats destroying marriages. Everyone is afraid to be protective of their relationship. I know its old fashioned but its OK to say "hell no, Im NOT cool with it". I'd push back hard.

Answer 6

properly, first of all my mom does no longer invite the ex so shame on her for putting all of you in a clumsy place. I understand you and your husband decide to rejoice this with merely his son and his kinfolk. His ex is not any longer his kinfolk. era. in spite of everything that's suppost to be a party no longer a stressful experience. If I have been the recent spouse i may be very upset with my considerable different's mom. i might insist the ex no longer be allowed to flow. i'm advantageous that's going to be awkward for the graduate besides. I agree, enable the ex have her very own occasion party at her households. that way he gets 2 events. feels like relaxing to me if I have been the graduate!!

Answer 7

The past is the past and that is where it needs to stay. He is wrong for communicating with her. So what she is bringing someone with her, all that is going to do is make her look more attractive. If they meet you are giving them permission to continue to talk and meet. That is going to cause problems for your relationship. If he is talking to her on IM and myspace he isn't going to stop until he feels like it. You're in a tough spot.

You should meet her alone and talk to her. Prick her heart and try to make her understand what she is doing isn't right or necessary. Talk to her with respect. Tell her you would like if it she could stop talking to your husband. Maybe she will maybe she won't.

Answer 8

I want you to sit down and really think about this, because this makes no sense what so ever to me. If he has no children with this women then there is no reason for dinner at all. As a women you should no that we are very spiteful at times. I would sit down and have a talk with hubby and let him know that "we" are not going. She has a motive behind this

Answer 9

Bad idea. Your husband should have known better than to even ask you that or even consider it himself. He needs to delete her from his 'friends' on myspace, cut off any other means of contact and focus on his present and future life with you.

Answer 10

He shared his life before with her ,it's over.Why would she be looking for him in the first place.If things are going good right now,don't mess it up with the ex.If she wanted to be friends she should have stood married to him.Talk to your husband and let him know how you feel about this woman.Ask him,how would he feel if a ex of yours was trying to come back in your life.

Answer 11

unless they were married and had mutual kids together I would find this to be rather inappropriate...My personal ideals would never allow me to agree to such a date or meeting. Chatting and catching up on old times and a "how you been" sort of email is fine but it would not be something i would like to continue. With you two being on shacky ground I would be very skepticle about this...trust or no trust there comes a point you have to be smart about it..