Women...do you feel like you have to nag in order to get things done?

Question

For instance, you'll be doing ten things at once, and your guy will be sitting on his duff doing nothing....and he'll wonder why you are in such a pissy mood?
I feel that if they would take some initiative, and help out occasionally without being asked, there'd be no need to nag or ask repeatedly.
Plus, it doesn't help that some men call it "nagging" whenever their wife or girlfriend asks them to do something that they don't want to do, or agree with.

Answer 1

It's a vicious circle. You ask him to do something politely, then leave him alone to do it. You come back, it isn't done. You ask him if he's going to do it, he says yes. Time passes, nothing gets done. Now you have a choice. You can do it yourself, which is counter productive because then he'll NEVER do anything or you can ask again, which is perceived as nagging. And it still doesn't get done or they do it badly after arguing with you. There has to be a better way.

By the way, this happens with children, too, but at least I can punish my children.

Answer 2

Nagging never works and no one likes to be nagged. There are many different approach how you can deal with a situation but don't expect to get your way all the time. People are different and you need to learn how to compromise. I know that doing all the housework seems to be unfair but guys usually have different understanding what has to be done or how often. Many guys have been cleaned by their mothers all their lives and they don't know how to take care of themselves and live otherwise.

I would suggest to sit down and have a conversation. Keep your tone normal and try not to start whining or blaming or nagging him. He will become immediately defensive and will turn your whining off. And you guys will end up in the middle of the fight and forget your initial intentions. If you manage to have a normal conversation, tell him what bothers you. Then let him talk and tell him what bothers him. It always has to be both ways, not only you speak and he listens to you. Then discuss the issues and try to come up with some solution. Find a compromise that makes you both happy like a schedule of cleaning the house when you both have time. Don't expect him to start cleaning during the Sunday football or similar. Plan ahead and stick to the date.

There are also other ways of encouraging your guy. Try to make a deal with him. For instance, if he washes dishes once in a week (or similar), you will let him to do what he wants such as going out with guys, playing poker or whatever he usually doesn't get to do often. Or say, hey, if you do this, I will do whatever you want in bed for the rest of the day!! Lol Just use your imagination and offer something that he will value, so he will be eager to do the dishes and housework, if he knows that he will get rewarded at the end. Good luck!

lynna> have you tried a marriage counseling? I think your husband needs a second opinion on your situation. If he hears from others that he is wrong, maybe he will change? I just don't think it's fair to you. I am not sure what is right or wrong in your case but as I hear (I myself don't have any kids yet), raising children isn't easy and it's like having a full-time job. So you both work hard during a day, even if you are at home and that leaves you both equally responsible for housework. Am I wrong?

Answer 3

I prefer to be asked. A woman should assume a man is doing exactly what he wants to be doing, because a man does assume a woman is doing what she wants to be doing. If you're cleaning out of a sense of responsibility, rather than because it's what you want to be doing, and you want help, ask.

We had 20 people in our house for Thanksgiving. At the end of the day, I was tired, and I wanted to quit once all the perishables had been stored and some basic cleaning done. My wife wanted all the tables and chairs put away, the furniture arranged back, etc. "I want to get this done so we don't have to do it tomorrow," she said. While this irritated me, I went ahead and helped her anyway.

Even though I was irritated, it was a LOT better that she asked for my help rather than try to do it on her own and get progressively more irritated with me! A lot of times, the perception of nagging comes from the woman's tone of voice. My wife said what she did nicely, but also matter-of-factly, and I responded by helping. If your request sounds like a complaint rather than a request, you might want to examine how you're communicating your desire for assistance.

Later edit: Now having read some of the answers above mine, I feel compelled to add that there is an important and often neglected component to asking a man to do something: time constraints. Always include it. When asking a man to do something, either follow up with, "When do you think you can get to that?" or tell him when it needs to be done. Can you mow the lawn this weekend? Would you put away the dishes before CSI comes on so we can watch it together? It's all part of a man's action-plan mindset.

Answer 4

I don't like to be nagged at, therefore I don't nag.

Guys can't read our minds, but girls do have a tendency to "over talk" (I'll use that instead of nag) what they want done....

Instead of saying, "Why don't you ever help me out? I asked you a million times, now go mow the lawn already!"....why not say, "Hey babe, it'd really help me out if you could mow the lawn...I'd really appreciate it." Give him a kiss and move on.

Guys DO want to please their women, but they DON'T want to date/marry a MOTHER. It's a fine line when nagging is involved.

Good luck

Answer 5

Sit down, make out a chores list and have him decide which he will do. Then hold him to it. Or just assign him, his chores. Tell him if he lives there he has to do his part.

If he doesn't offer to help, he won't suddenly start out of the blue. So it is up to you to ask him to help. If he refuses, stop preparing his meals, don't wash his clothes, don't pick up after him. Simple really.

Answer 6

No, I don't have to do it at all. I am one of those lucky ones whose guy does everything--without me saying anything about it. He is usually the one nagging me to get stuff done!

Answer 7

yah, nothing works with mine so if u find out let me know, bribbing doesnt even work mine anymore.. of course he is the provider, and guilts me into thinking he doesnt have to do a thing at home, including just watching the kiddos so i can cook, or just throw in a load of laundry..

so good luck with that

Answer 8

My best way to get my guy to do something b/c yeah i do get sick of repeating myself is to bribe him. I think it's more of a game now but initially it started out being, I've asked you 10x to do ______ and you haven't done it, if you want sex right now I'd get on it and do it already. It'll get his @rse moving quicker than quick haha!

Answer 9

Yes, because when my husband plays his playstation it goes in one ear and out the other. And when i raise my voice just a little he tells me i'm to loud

Answer 10

Honey catches more flies than vinegar.

Nag on me and the anchor goes out.
Make a reasonable request with a reasonable return and we have a deal.
And PLEASE, do not expect your schedule to be my schedule. Negotiate the completion.