How do you react around somebody who has just found out?

Question

their aunty is dead?

She was really close to her, and I dont know how to act tomorrow. I am normally a very happy person, We are best friends, and I dont know whether to act normal, - wouldnt this seem insensitive?

and if I act 'sorry' I will seem depressing and make her cry,



WHAT DO I ACT LIKE? ;/

Answer 1

be sympethetic, but not too much, try and keep their mind off it if you can , make htem laugh you know

Answer 2

If she has just lost someone close to her, then it won't be YOU making her sad.

Greet her, and see how she's acting. Follow her lead.

Give her opportunities to talk about it if she wants; but respect her wishes is she doesn't.

She may not want to talk about it in public, but may need to in private.

This is a very big and very sad thing. You, never having gone through it can't entirely understand.

But you can be there for her, be sympathetic, and let her lean on you if she wants to.

Offer her your sympathies, then let her take the lead.

She needs true friends now more than ever.

Don't let your feeling of being awkward lead you to reject her when she needs you most.

Answer 3

Never "act", just be yourself. She will appreciate honesty and support from a friend right now, not someone pretending to be something their not.

Note .. being happy is never a bad thing, she probably is getting enough of the sad stuff at home right now, and a little distraction from that will be welcome.

Also.. I keep reading that you should "pretend" you know what she is going through, unless it has happened to you do not know what it is like. Just be there for her, faking sympathy is the worst thing you can do, she will sense it.

Answer 4

You don't have to act or react or anything like that. You just have to BE THERE. That's all. Show her that you care about her and that you are sorry she is going through this pain, but be yourself no matter what. I helped my cousin when her close relative died, by trying to cheer her up, or hugging her when she was sad, or just talking about normal things like telly or ought. The fact that you wrote this problem in shows me you are a wonderful friend and you will know when you see her you won't have to be anything but yourself :)

Answer 5

You don't act like anything. You tell her you're are terribly sorry to learn about her aunt's passing are and if you want to talk or need a shoulder to cry on I'm here for you.

Then just let her talk or cry and just listen.

That is what she'll need.

There is nothing any of us can say or do to make the loss of a loved one eaiser. We can just be there, listen, hug them and say I'm sorry and I understand once in while why we just listen.

Answer 6

Ler your friend guide you. She might want to deal with the situation and will let you see she is upset and let you comfort her or she may just want to be away from the situation and hope to find some comfort by submerging herself in normal things. Things will probably feel very messed up for her right now so try to offer stability.

I lost my mum 4 years ago and people stayed away from me cos they didn't know what to say or do. This is by far the worst repsonse possible. I felt completely abandoned when my whole world was already pretty messed up. I didn't care what people said or did I just needed to be distracted.

So try to be normal, as much as possible, ask if she needs help as if there is anything practical you can do. Sometimes durign grief it is things like remembering to eat or to sleep. So maybe take her to your place for dinner or watch a movie (be very sure of the content of the film).

She will probably be emotional, after a death the world carries on even though it feels like it shouldn't. She will probably be working through the stages of grief and it might be worth looking those up, try
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model
Give her a bit of space to be sad, talk about her aunty and or to be angry at the world. She may take it out on you try not to take it personally. Tell her your there for her and jsut sit with her if that is what she needs. Don't tell her you understand what she is going through as she probably doesn't understand it herself. Try to remember what her Aunt was like and if there is anything you can do or say that will be supportive. She is very lucky to have a friend who cares so much and that in itself will be a great help x x

Answer 7

~trying to be sensitive to their desire to communicate when they’re ready
~trying not to put up barriers that may inhibit their attempts to communicate
~offering them honest explanations when we are obviously upset
~listening to and accepting their feelings
~not putting off their questions by telling them they are too young
~trying to find brief and simple answers that are appropriate to their questions; answers that they can understand and that do not overwhelm them with too many words.


Someone you know may be experiencing grief - perhaps the loss of a loved one, perhaps another type of loss - and you want to help. The fear of making things worse may encourage you to do nothing. Yet you do not wish to appear to be uncaring. Remember that it is better to try to do something, inadequate as you may feel, than to do nothing at all. Don't attempt to sooth or stifle the emotions of the griever. Tears and anger are an important part of the healing process. Grief is not a sign of weakness. It is the result of a strong relationship and deserves the honor of strong emotion. When supporting someone in their grief the most important thing is to simply listen. Grief is a very confusing process, expressions of logic are lost on the griever. The question "tell me how you are feeling" followed by a patient and attentive ear will seem like a major blessing to the grief stricken. Be present, reveal your caring, listen. Your desire is to assist your friend down the path of healing. They will find their own way down that path, but they need a helping hand, an assurance that they are not entirely alone on their journey. It does not matter that you do not understand the details, your presence is enough. Risk a visit, it need not be long. The mourner may need time to be alone but will surely appreciate the effort you made to visit. Do some act of kindness. There are always ways to help. Run errands, answer the phone, prepare meals, mow the lawn, care for the children, shop for groceries, meet incoming planes or provide lodging for out of town relatives. The smallest good deed is better than the grandest good intention.

Answer 8

I would show sympathy, hug my friend, and tell her everything's going to be alright. If you act like the same old you while she's going through a hard time, it will give her and insensitive message. No one can move on from a loved one's death just like that, unless they weren't so close to the deceased. Whatever you do, just be there for her.

Answer 9

Do not act like anything. Be yourself. Think about if the shoe was on the other foot. Maybe ask your freind some questions about her. Let her know you are there for her. She just may need you to make her smile. The worst thing you can do is not be yourself.

Answer 10

Don't act like anything. She will see that you are being phoney and really not want you to be around. Be concerned and take your ques from her. See how she is feeling and see if she wants to talk about it, or where she is at with it. Maybe ask her how she is doing, and she will take it from there and let you know how she is feeling and dealing with the death, but don't come off to be fake and certainly don't avoid talking about it with her because it makes you uncomforable. She probably really needs a friend right now and jsut needs your understanding and support

Answer 11

You don't have to "act" in any way -- it is clear that you love your friend and are feeling badly for her and that is all that is necessary. Take your cues from your friend and let her know that you are available to talk, laugh, cry, hug, reminisce or whatever she needs whenever she needs it. She may just want to be alone for awhile.