My husband and I have been happily married for almost 3 years now; we both have daughters from previous marriages and would like to start trying for another child. My daughter is a real sweet girl and cares about others as well as obeys her parents. However my step daughter’s behavior is totally unacceptable and she does not want to listen to me or her father, and yells at us whenever we confront her.
She recently came to live with us after she was in a rehab facility for anorexia and drug abuse. We have had uncountable episodes where she would come home at 4 in the morning totally drunk and high on drugs. After she was grounded. I recently found drugs in her room, and seen cuts on her arm. She also skips school, barely eats and I haven’t seen her sleep at all in a while, I have even caught her having sex. She knows the rules in our house, yet she disobeys them.
My husband and I have no idea what to do, I have tried talking to her, but I don’t know what to say.
2007-12-03 06:17:56 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
She has had a really hard live, her little sister died when she was 4 and that totally shattered her father and mother’s relationship. Her mother, an alcoholic, then took off with her and no one could find them.
Her mother’s boyfriends severally abused her and raped her. After her mothers suicide she was sent from foster home to foster home, because she would cry, kick and scream all the time. Only after her suicide attempted did my husband and I track her down and admitted her to a rehab facility, however we felt so guilty leaving her there we wanted to give her a chance at a normal life, since she’s only 16. I have no idea what to do.
thanx!
2007-12-03 06:18:42 · update #1
Your step daughter really has had it rough and she is going to need a lot of help, love and understanding if she is going to make it through this. I suggest trying to not only get her into rehab but also getting her some extensive counseling. Look for a center in your area that specializes in helping abused children. Make sure they are equipped to handle all of her issues. She is going to be upset with you for doing this, but hopefully it will help and she will thank you down the road. I understand that you want her to have a normal childhood, but right now she is not at a point where she can really do that. Due to the things she has experienced she has no real frame of reference for what normal is. Do her a favor and give her the tools to put her life back together: find her a good rehab and counseling facility. I'm sure she's not a bad girl, she just hasn't had the benefit of a good upbringing that your daughter has. I wish you and her all the best of luck!
2007-12-03 06:28:46 · answer #1 · answered by lkn4trth 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
have you tried getting her a regular therapist? Just seeing one while in rehab isn't enough. SHe needs consistency. Once she falls off the wagon...she stays down.
I also have no idea what you should do. If it were my child and they knew the rules and continued to disobey them. I would threaten to kick her out and offer her no support.
Theres always the fear that it won't phase her. That she'll be fine with it and she'll end up finding some guy to sleep with for the night, but i feel that she (somewhere deep inside) knows that she needs your family's support.
My solution is let her know she's not welcome in your home if she treats you and the rest of the family like crap. Push it to the point where she knows your most likely serious.
Hopefully she'll snap out of her rebelious phase before it come to giving her the boot.
This is me however. You can feel free to do this a completely different way because this method is very risky.
2007-12-03 06:32:21 · answer #2 · answered by eos_is_aurora 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know this might sound completely stupid, but I think what would definitely help her the most is finding a girl that wears black nail polish, has depression, has had a hard life, and is kind of like your step-daughter, but only this girl obeys the rules, and is a nice kid, and let your step-daughter talk to this girl and learn how she copes with it. I hope this helps.
PS. Disciplining and making her feel bad about the things she's done will only make matters worse.
2007-12-03 07:35:24 · answer #3 · answered by cнєиσα :) 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
parental luv is the best therapy. if possible dont send her to rehab centre. keep her there with you and love her as much as possible. you will find an appreciable change in her conduct.
some times children start behaving deviently just for ASB (attention seeking behavior). this child appears to be in cognitive dissonance also. so try to be non-judgmental when talking to her.
one more thing, you talk or rules in house. whatever these rules may be. these are not more importanct than our children. if possible, relax the enforcement of these rules.
if you are working then seek the assistance of some lady psychologist this would help your daughter to feel at ease with her.
convey my blessings to her and best wishes you both
2007-12-03 06:29:11 · answer #4 · answered by gurvi 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think she needs an inpatient program right now. She is out of control and definitely needs help. Don't abandon her. That is all she has had. Part of this would be testing you to see if you go away even though she is doing the worst behavior to see your reaction. Don't allow this behavior. Talk with a therapist to see what possibilities you have. Part will depend on your insurance and what is available in your county.
2007-12-03 06:39:30 · answer #5 · answered by Simmi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there are things that we as people can't do ourselves there are also things that we go through to fufill purpose ad there are people that come in our life for a reason i have to go right now but e-mail me at phillinam@yahoo.comso i can apeak with you i will pray about this and get back with you God willing trust in the lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding
2007-12-03 06:31:36 · answer #6 · answered by Phillina M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she needs help she is maybe upset about you being her step mom you need to punish by keeping her home and sending her to rehab if not this will be trouble for her intil she dies which is not far away
2007-12-03 09:28:40 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs help.
Help you can not give her at home.
Go find the help she must have.
She is spinning down the drain.
Sorry but if you do not she is doomed
2007-12-03 06:26:06 · answer #8 · answered by jmack 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
well do you discipline her? if not then thats why she acts like that... a good spanking or some sort of punishment should take place every time she yells at you or your husband... it won't change her but she'll know there will be something to make her think twice about yelling
2007-12-03 06:27:37 · answer #9 · answered by Paris, je t'aime 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋