Wife will not let me cheat??

Question

I have asked my wife for several years to loose weight and get implants because I am not sexually attracted to her anymore... Her physical appearance has changed so much since our marrage and I continue to work out etc... any way I had deccided to have afairs due to this.... I warned her for years this would happen and I gave her every opportunity to change... so now she wants me to stop and I think that is unfair.. How can I make her understand this is the only reason we can stay together? I love her every other way!!

I really need help, why am I getting bashed?? I do love my wife more then anything!!!

Men please answer as I see women do not understand.. There has to be someone who feels the same and can help... I should not be a target for being open? I dont understand.

I CAN NOT LEAVE HER SHE IS MY LIFE!!!!

No children Rooney; thanks for trying to see my side

Thanks for some of the responses.. I will leave with my last thought: I look at my wife and feel the same as the day I did I saw her, I get excited to come home from work just to talk about our days, and plan for the future.. I can not seem to get past the physical, so sex never happens.... Ladies I guess you are right I must be a monster or maybe just an honest guy!

Answer 1

ANY LADIES READING THIS MAY I, ON BEHALF OF THE VAST MAJORITY OF MEN APOLOGISE FOR THE IGNORAMUS MALE D.HEAD WHO MUST BE EVERY WOMAN'S NIGHTMARE AND WHO SOMEHOW MANAGED TO TAKE HIMSELF AWAY FROM THE MIRROR TO TYPE THIS QUESTION. IN A PERFECT WORLD THIS A..H... WOULD NOT EXIST

Answer 2

The answer is a flat no. I hate how this society has started to make this kind of stuff seem OK. Its not, If you love someone then you shouldn't need anyone else. You can do everything this other man can do and then some! You can do much more cuz unlike him you truly love her. I'm not a forgive and forget kind of guy on the subject of cheating. It is very personal for me and it hurts way more than any words can describe. You need to tell her that this is not OK and that if she continues down this path she risk losing you and everything you have together. Is it really worth it for a fling with some guy at her work who could never love her the way you love her? Of course once you ask these questions make sure you are ready for the worst case scenario. You never know what is going to happen next. She could realize what she is losing and focus on making things better between the two of you or she can go the other way. No matter what, you do what you know to be right. We all have a sense of right and wrong. We all have a conscience. Listen to it and don't compromise your integrity to keep someone around who feels like they need more than you. Sorry dude I hope this wasn't to harsh, but I wish someone would have told me this kind of stuff sooner. Good Luck. I hope it all works out for the best!

Answer 3

Did your wedding vows include a clause that you would love, honor and cherish her until death do you part, or until she gains some weight?

You do NOT love your wife more than anything. If you did, you wouldn't want to hurt her or put her through this.

You are doing wrong here, and you know it. You're out of line, and she has a right not to be okay with sharing you.

Showing her a complete lack of consideration and kindness is a far worse offense than putting on some extra pounds.

If you say you loved her in every other way, you would not be justifying something that is hurting her like this. That's not a sign that you love someone.

Keep in mind that to most women, sex is more than a physical act. It is a deep emotional bond with the person you love. She's not going to be able to differentiate between the two.

If her weight bothers you so much that you feel the need to cheat, and if your affairs bother her so much that she gets angry, you need to part ways.

You'll be free to have sex with anyone you want, and she'll be free to find a decent man who cares about her and her feelings and loves her for who she is.

And by the way, I was under the impression that you wanted to know how to make her be okay with it. I think the fact that all the WOMEN who are giving you the same answers says something. How would asking men help you? They have no idea how to make a woman understand, because they do not have the mindset of a woman. It sounds to me like what you're really wanting is to have people tell you it's okay. It's not. And it's not okay to do this to someone you claim to love. You are throwing her and her feelings away because of a really flimsy, shallow excuse. I'm fairly certain that is not in the definition of "love."

Answer 4

I understand your predicament but I don't believe you are taking the proper steps to get what you want. The more you put down your wife's appearance the less she thinks of herself and the deeper she falls into a depressive state. You NEED to end that cycle, you are being an abusive husband, not intentionally, but you are! You should know by now it has been a complete failure and it is time to try something different.

If you want you wife to rise from this depressed mental state you have put her in you need to see a psychologist together. You need to approach the problem from a perspective of sharing interests that will change her lifestyle and daily routine to lift her spirits. Start by going for a walk together every night after dinner and talking about anything other than her appearance. You are obsessing over it. If you want the wife you had back you had better stop beating her down with your obsession over her appearance.

Either that or, as many have suggested already, she is better off without you; you are an abusive husband and she should divorce you. You had better make that difficult choice before one, the other or both of you end up with bullet holes in your heads.

Answer 5

I do understand your side. At first you sound really shallow, but then I started thinking that if your wife's appearance has changed that dramatically, then I can see your point. My position is that If your needs are not being met, then you must move on. You would be hurting her very deeply by staying in the marriage, but having sex with other women. If I loved a man and I had gained a lot of weight and he gave me this ultimatum I would definitely lose weight. But you have to understand that most marriages hit that mundane point where neither party is really attracted to the other, but you end up on a deeper level...the sex is more about intimacy and love than attraction. I can't tell you what to do, but I do understand where you are coming from if it is any consolation.

Answer 6

Obviously your wife has an eating disorter.
Look at it form this perspective. She probably eats for comfort reasons.
Your telling her, and this is how she hears it, that she's ugly and your not attracted to her anymore. You wont have sex with her ( I'm assuming but I'm probably right) and you expect her to have enough self esteem to want to improve herself?
You expect her not to indulge in the only drug that makes her feel good ( her food) when her marriage is falling apart, her husband thinks she's ugly and she thinks she's ugly and now your cheating and to her, it looks like there is no hope.So what does she do? She eats to feel better and she sinks lower and lower into depression and cares less and less about herself, the house and anything else that use to be important.
Why doesn't she feel the need in her own soul to want to be pretty for you?
You wanna point the finger at your wife but it looks to me that there are 4 more fingers pointing back at you.
You took an oath that you would love that woman through sickness and health till death...and your not keeping your promise. She needs help not criticism about something she already knows is a problem ( her weight and the way she looks).
She has every right to ask you, no excuse me, demand you to stop sleeping around. Your her husband! And I'm floored to think you have every right to run around on her...What if the shoe was on the other foot?
You need to try to find the root of the problem of why she is taking care of herself this way. Its a symptom of something greater and as her husband you have an obligation to help her figure it out and help her to fix it.
No offense, but your acting like a pig.

Answer 7

If you are not joking and you truly do not get that you are wrong about your view on this, you are deeply shallow.

I'll put it to you this way. You marry a woman because you love her. You love a woman because of who she is. Her physical beauty is part of the initial draw, sure, but love is so much more than physical attraction. Can you not put yourself in her place?

Would you like it if you lost your looks to the point that your wife starting screwing other men? Could your pride and libido take a hit like that? The fact that she is still with you shows that she truly loves you and that you do NOT love her.

For her sake, either find some real men to hang around so that they can maybe change your views on what a real man is or find a way to let her down easy and leave her so that you at least will stop hurting her so much in the long run.

A man does what he knows he should do. Not what he thinks he wants to. It's much harder. You should try it.

And don't forget... what goes around comes around. Usually in spades!!!

Be wary.

Answer 8

I understand where you're coming from....you're taking the time to make yourself physically appealing to your wife, while she's let herself go (for whatever reason, kids, stress, whatever).

Personally, I'm of the mindset that a wife needs to remain sexy to keep her husband interested! There's tons of excuses for a woman to put on weight, I'm not saying that kids and stress are "no big deal" or anything. But as a woman, you should want to keep your man interested and if that means hitting the gym 30 minutes a day, then so be it.

BUT..... to give your wife the ultimatum of "ship up or ship out" that's not cool. Before you resort to an affair (which honey, anyway you dice it is wrong) you need to do ALL you can to make it work.

Get her a gym membership, get mom and pop to watch the kids, and work out *together*. Don't make it a chore, make it fun. Take dance classes, yoga, whatever. You're going to have to compromise here.

Next, don't tell her she doesn't turn you on. That's pretty crappy (even if it is true). She's not going to want to have sex with you (ever) if she thinks she's ugly.

Finally, look into marital counseling. I don't believe you can love someone without finding them attractive. I don't believe you can love someone but want to hurt them deeply by sleeping with someone else.

Both of you are in the wrong, and to fix this, both of you are going to have to change.

Good luck :)

Answer 9

Well you explained to her that you would cheat on her if she did not work on her body. What happened? She called your bluff, and you did what you said you would do. So, in a certain sense, she agreed for you to cheat. And now she wants you to stop. But what is she offering in return? So far, it seems like nothing.

First off breast implants are very expensive, and no woman should have to get them to please her partner. If you don't like her bewbs, you should not have hooked up with her. But the weight is a different story. You act as though she hasn't been trying. Is this true? Or perhaps has she been trying, but simply not showing results to your satisfaction? Perhaps she has a physical issue (thyroid, diabetes, irregular disgestive tract, etc.). Take her to a doctor to see if she needs medical assistance. Try being there to support her rather than being there to punish for a lack of progress.

Answer 10

If you're not attracted to her, and you are solving this by having affairs, this is selfish of you. It is also selfish of her to not listen to your requests to lose weight.
You two need to talk and find out if you genuinely love each other. If you both do, then you need to talk about how to make your marriage work. This will mean that you will have to have sex only with her and that she should make an effort to lose weight. Otherwise, you should get a divorce and find a woman you can be faithful too.
Having an affair because you and your wife cannot communicate well is wrong.

Answer 11

Actually i do understand. Well, apart from the cheating though. Naturally your wife won't let you cheat but i feel that she should try to accommodate you in some ways. It's awful how people let themselves go once they are married. I don't think i could stand my guy getting really overweight. BUT your situation has a strange ring to it...i mean didn't she get angry when she caught you cheating? Has she forgiven you? And doesn't she miss the sex? Anyhow, there is nothing wrong with wanting your spouse to look her best. And implants are great ;)