This is not saying each man or situation is created equal. I'm sure there are underlying themes though. Did he make his married life seem pathetic? Did he make you believe he was eventually leaving for you? When it ended did he still try to pursue you? What are some lessons learned that you can share with others BEFORE the affair happens?
2007-12-03 05:16:12 · 9 answers · asked by Perplexed 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well...as the ex-wife of a chronic cheater, let me tell you the lines he used on his sideliners:
1. I did not love him and was seeing others. (NO)
2. I never wanted sex, treated him like a brother...etc. (Not true. I learned that I could tell if he had a spare b/c HIS desire waned...then of course I threw his *** out)
3. He slept on the couch. (Nope)
4. We led seperate lives except for the kids. (Uh...no.)
5. She does her thing and I do my thing and we just don't discuss it. (Now who would believe that one?)
6. I can't bear the thought of hurting my kids (I guess creating a situation of great tension in the home wasn't hurting the kids?)
Years after my divorce, I learned that he had numerous "flings" on top of the two "affairs" he was caught in the process. He did ok keeping it hidden until the other woman wanted a real relationship...he didn't want to leave, but he didn't want to give her up either. First time, I was young, pregnant with our second child, I believed him when he said he was finished with her...second time...older and wiser, I eventually threw his butt out and never looked back.
To this day, 11 years later, if I would have him back, I could.
Interestingly enough, in hindsight, it almost seemed as though once he was caught, it was more about beating out the other woman than keeping him. I think the same was true for her.
How stupid a contest for of both of us when you look at the "prize."
If you're tempted by a married man, and it goes against everything you think you believe, but there's just this big attraction, tell him to leave his wife first, then wait 6 months, then you'll talk. I think you'll be surprized how fast he doesn't leave.
2007-12-03 05:45:24 · answer #1 · answered by cnsdubie 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I had an affair with a married man and it was a big mistake. I knew going in that he had a wife and we were strictly in it for the sex only. I was not in a place where I wanted a realtionship I had too much goin on in mylife. so when he told me that he was married and only wasn't feeling fulfilled sexually at home it seemed to be the perfect solution for both of us. He never promised me anything we never even toyed with the idea of him leaving his wife....We never went out of my home he literally came over and did the deed, we would spend a few minutes after then he was on his way to work or wherever. Sometimes we didnt even really talk in the begining. After a while though we both realized our "sessions" were getting longer and we were spending more time holding each other than we were actually having sex. we would run into each other outside at the store and it bacame obvious we were feelign somethign. it turned into emails and phone calls and we both realized we better get out before someone got really hurt. Still leaves a little bit of a mark for me because he did get to me in a way I can't explain and also because now I am in a very serious relationship and the thought I did that to another woman crushes me. My advice don't let it happen either way someone will get hurt and its not worth it.
2007-12-03 05:31:22 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Heart is broken because of it....we both were in the same situation but it never really hits you until its too late. Until the feelings are very real and you cant bare to live without him....Then he turns into a huge sap that feels guilty for everything and cant handle telling his controlling wife about how unhappy he is.....
He asked me to marry him and told me that he would move me across the country if only he could fall asleep in my arms every night for the rest of his life....Needless to say im still here and hes still there.....but i will never do that again and i learned my lesson the hard way....
2007-12-03 06:04:11 · answer #3 · answered by unbroken29 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i was 18yrs old and single, he was 32yrs old/married/one kid. i started working for a new company, thought he was hot(he was from Portugal) and we flirted often. one day i stayed late after work waiting with him because i gave his check to the wrong person. we exchanged #'s and he called to meet at a hotel that weekend. we met at hotels for a little over a year and that was the only place. had sex, kissed goodbye and didnt really talk until the next time(usually once a week). he did not really talk about his wife other then the fact that he told me she didnt like to have sex. i started dating another guy and things got serious so i told the married man i couldnt see him anymore. he called ofter for a while but eventually stopped.
i dont know if i learned anything from it, i was young and it was exciting. i dont cheat on my significant others and i would not due it to another woman now because i could only imagine how it would feel.
2007-12-03 06:14:39 · answer #4 · answered by always thinkin 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I've always wondered why people are quick to blame the "mistress" and call her names like tramp and ho etc. This woman is not married and has no one to answer to but herself. The husband is the cheater. The woman did not force him to cheat. Morally she may be wrong but holds no fault. And any man who uses that excuse needs to be kicked in the a**. If the mistress is the "tramp" just what exactly is the husband who stepped out on his wife? Exactly. While I feel for any wife who has been cheated on, I disagree with them blaming the mistress. If you are going to play the blame game make sure you place the blame where it belongs. The one who vowed to love, cherish, and be faithful to you.
2016-05-28 00:15:03 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all the man or woman will not leave their prospective spouses for you. He made it seem like his wife did not love him or listen to him at all. I believed evry thing that was told to me. I want to be with you and not her I'm leaving her just give me some time. All I can say to any one that is experiencing or involved with a married man or woman leave them alone you don't need that trouble at all. You don't need to be the home recker as it is called. Walk away. Don't walk run fast.
2007-12-03 05:26:01 · answer #6 · answered by sddq_nn 3 · 4⤊ 1⤋
No, he didn't make his married life seem pathetic. No, there was absolutely no expectation that he would leave his wife. Both of us were in it for fun - neither one would have considered it a serious relationship. It fizzled out gradually, and we are still on good terms. If any "lessons" were learned, it would be that 1) playing with fire can be fun, and 2) not every relationship is "til death do us part"; sometimes you simply want to be with someone for a short time, and then part ways.
2007-12-03 05:31:00 · answer #7 · answered by Sandy Ego 7 · 1⤊ 4⤋
Ok I have to admit that I had sex with an ex-boss of mine and he was married with kids. I knew it was kind of bad, but he was really cute. I think he got married too young and he told me how bored he was. It was a fun fling and the sex was great. The bad part was that I had a boyfriend too so that made me feel a bit guilty. It ended with my boss when I got another job. I also ended things with the boyfriend too.
2007-12-03 05:22:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
This totally answers the question others have .. why is the divorce rate so high?!
Here ya go .. straight from the horses mouth(s)
2007-12-03 05:47:17 · answer #9 · answered by Queenie` 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋