How do I hold it in?

Question

There are times when my husband just gets on my nerves and I want to talk back to him, but I just stay quiet. What other ways do you hold back anger and the need to lash back?

Answer 1

Holding things in is unhealthy. You can voice your opinion without being a screaming shrew. When he first makes you mad, if you know you may say things that are hurtful and you may regret later, just give yourself a bit of time to cool down, THEN speak with him about what it is that is bothering you.

Answer 2

Some years back, I became upset at how much my husband and I yelled at each other. We loved and still love each other but I just thought the screaming and shouting was getting too much (we don't have kids so we really didn't hold back). When I confided in a friend, (who I didn't realise was on the verge of a separation), she told me she was so very jealous. She felt that myself and my husband cared so much about each other and our marriage that we couldn't let things go and had to sort them. She said herself and her husband just stayed quiet and held back anger and as a result never got anything sorted and now they were almost at the point of no return. Whether you agree with the yelling or not, definitely letting someone know when you're pissed off is so very important. Don't hold back. You'll only do more damage and even make yourself sick.

Answer 3

Well, depending on why you are that annoyed with him, you should either try to use reason to determine if it's worth bringing up, or talk to him in a calm environment and let him know what's going on. Putting the toilet paper on backwards is not worth bringing up. Doing nothing while you take over ALL the household duties is worth bringing up. If he's doing something and you just lash out, instead of letting him know it bothers you in a calm manner, he's just going to be defensive, and the behavior won't stop. The only thing that will happen is that the anger will keep growing until you are either completely miserable, you'll resent him, or you let it out in a hurtful, nonproductive way. Addressing the problem early on will help keep that in check.

When he DOES annoy you, and you feel like you need to lash out at him, develop some self-control. Keep your mouth shut, don't slam doors or otherwise act ugly to him, count to ten, recite a calming mantra, take a deep breath, or walk out of the room (not haughty).

Answer 4

There are times when you do need to do that. If things are tense for some outside reason and you'd jump on anyone for anything or when he's in a particularly bad place and you want to cut him some slack; you've made a good choice because lashing at him would only make things worse.

Don't make a habit of suffering in silence.Take other action. If you just need him to be quiet for a short time (up to 30 minutes), tell him that AND remind him if he forgets. When the time is over, be sure to thank him for understanding your need to think quietly. (It's good manners, and it makes him more likely to do it the next time.) Offer to respond in kind if he needs a similar "break."

If you need a longer time, tell him that you don't want to inflict your bad mood on him so you're going for a walk or driving to the park. You could ask him to leave you alone for a set amount of time--an hour or several.

OTH, if his actions that are pushing the buttons of a previously calm you, you need to address those actions. Happy marriages start with people who assume that their partner wants them to be happy. Assume that your partner doesn't know how much these actions disturb you or recognize when he's doing them. Talk with him. Maybe you can re-frame the actions. (Example--when my son was 18 months he cried whenever I left the room. Drove me crazy, but then I thought that no one else had ever cried when deprived of my presence and felt flattered.) Or, you could try to figure out what goal he's trying to reach by those actions. If, for example, it's pocket change jingling because he has to be in motion and the noise is making you homicidal, get him a Rubic's cube or have him take up knot-tying.

Answer 5

I used to hold it in like you but come on sweety, it gets us no where. I no longer hold it back. I let my husband know why I'm mad or why he getting on my nerves. Sometimes, it does end up in an argument, but that happens in marriages and most of the time, I speak my mind and he stops bugging me and all is well again. Try it, seriously, It takes some effort at first, because you bottled everything for so long but the more you do it, the easier it gets and you'll feel loads better.

Answer 6

If he is wrong you must find a way to tell him how he is making you feel.

That anger you hold will become a great big huge monster and one day he is going to ask you why you never said anything. One thing you can do is never put him down even if he puts you down because at the end when he looks back he will see it was only him throwing mud and that you were never mean like he was. Fight fair but do not let him get away with things.

Answer 7

The cure to the desire to lash back, which is also known as being verbally aggressive, it to be assertive instead. Staying quiet = passive. Assertiveness is that sweet spot between aggressiveness and passiveness. Assertiveness means stating your mind, calmly but clearly. Tell your husband exactly what he's doing, tell him that it's bothering you, and give him a suggestion for how to prevent getting on your nerves in the future. Assertiveness means understanding that your feelings are neither more nor less important than others' and expressing yourself accordingly.

Answer 8

Best advice I can give you...and this doesn't just apply to your husband...give yourself a few minutes to calm down and then talk to him about how you feel. Calmly and rationally. He may not even realize that he does certain things. He may not know that when he thinks he's being funny you think he's being obnoxious. It's possible that he doesn't care whether stuff he does or says bothers you, but more than likely he will care. Just don't talk to him while you're still upset or you'll end up in a fight over something neither of you can remember.

Answer 9

Dont hold it in. Studies show holding in anger can cause stress and can lead to serious diseases such as cancer, diabetes, depression, you name it. You need to see a counselor to help you although I believe you shouldnt be afraid to express yourself to your husband especially. Is there a reason why you are so afraid to lash back? It sounds as if there are other problems.

Answer 10

I agree with ME. If you hold it in then you will start blowing up over the little things. If you are angry at time at that time, let him know you are upset, that you want to talk about it later, when you have calmed down, so you may talk about without the anger you feel at that time.