I have been married for 3 years. My husband's anger has been getting worse and I dont' knwo what to do.

Question

I know that money ia always an issue in marriage but now it is getting so much worse. There is a new baby in the family, his nephew and he wants to do everything in the world for this kid since his sister won't get a job because she wont leave the baby w/ a sitter. I dont' feel we should have to pick up the tab just so he can feel like a bigshot. His anger about everything has been escalating. We can't have an adult conversation about ANYthing. It ALWAYS turns into him screaming at me and telling me that I have an atittude and slamming doors. I do love him but in addition to the above issues, I am in very poor health and he shows zero support for me and what I'm going through. I am at a loss. How do you talk to someone that can't seem to have an adult conversation without yelling? I don't want to leave but the stress of never knowing what will set him off next makes the illness much worse. We both work hard and our jobs are stressful but it shouldn't be doing this. please help.

Answer 1

First, If your afraid that your going to get hurt than you should get out early, before something really serious happends like you or your newborn gets hurt.
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 1yr and 3mths and I also have temper problems. Yes he left me because of it but he still loves me be doenst like the way that I lash out at him when he f'k's something up.
I feel that all it's stress, because he has to take care of alot of people in your family, and he really doesnt have any alone time--you know not the usually you and him time, the only time so he can get away and do his manly things. Like play golf or watch porn if he's into that.
My ex and I where always togethere so we never really missed on another so we started to close down on eachother because we where always there, there was nothing new to tell another. When you start to give one another space you start to open up a bit more.

Answer 2

Getting out of the house does not mean that you get a divorce and your son has no father. But it does mean the you need a safe place and your husband needs help. No one wants you to live with someone you have reason to be afraid of. And no one wants your husband to lose his wife and child because he's stressed out, emotionally distraught, striking out at whatever is available because he sees no room for adjustment or change and is at his wits end and likely endangering his health... as well as yours. This may be a one-time thing. But not one that doesn't need to be immediately addressed with real change and consequences. You need some physical doctoring. You do not have to press charges if you do not wish to. Your husband clearly needs some mental and emotionally doctoring. If he is the man you claim him to be... he's likely scared to death right now of himself, of what he did to you, of what is going to happen next and certain that the marriage is over because how could you forgive him. My suggestion is that your husband leaves the house for awhile. There are those rent by the month hotels in every town. And that you BOTH go into marriage counseling immediately. As a requirement of anything short of dissolving your marriage. He's making good money... get a good therapist. They are not all created equal. Your husband can't see his way into a different lifestyle but your lives together require that he does. The therapist will likely take the two of your separately after the first session or two. And that is where the good work can get done. It is simply not true that a man who hits his wife once will do it repeatedly. It is true that a man who is falling apart needs help to get put back together. And you can not live with him while being afraid of him.

Answer 3

Your family is going down. Each of you cry desperately for help, because this is crucially needed. Call your local human services department or the hospital and request a social worker to visit your home. The social worker will be able to connect you with some counseling services, as well as refer you to a nurse to help you with your duties. I can see why there's stress on both your part and your husband's. Get help and counseling as fast as you can --- do it for the baby. It will also help to eliminate others from your family (not permanently), but until the 2 of you can work thru your problems and get back on track. I wish you well and hope and pray that all will have a positive ending. In the meantime, pick up the phone and call a social worker!

Answer 4

Don't know how old you are but I agree with one of the other answers and that is to suggest you have a conversation when he cools down. Sounds like he is protective of his family and that is okay but he has his priority wrong. You should be his top priority. It's not wrong to spoil his nephew but your finances and your health have to be put first. Be careful as his anger can get worse and instead of slamming doors, he might start throwing stuff or even start hitting you. If he doesn't calm down you need to re-evaluate the situation and if you need to leave him, do it if you see his anger getting worse. When he does sit down with you to talk, tell him how his anger upsets you and how it is affecting you. If he is a man he will understand that his actions are immature and learn to control them

Answer 5

Counseling seems like the best thing for you both. Maybe if he hears a 3rd party, he will wise up a little bit. If he refuses to go then, leaving him is the only answer, unless you wanna live the rest of your life that way.

Answer 6

honey, its time to care about you, and only you.

if he cant seem to talk, well then actions should help him. take a break and leave. your health is at stake, who gives a rat@ss what he thinks and does. if his sister dosent want to get a job, well then its time to separate the money and only let him take care of it.

I really hope you feel better.

Answer 7

Seek help from your local women's support center.
Sometimes talking with another helps. Also have these actions recorded. Anger escalation can be deadly!

Answer 8

When he starts yelling then tell him that you will have a conversation when he calms down. Also consider a marriage counselor.

Answer 9

Tell him one more outburst and you're gone for good. That's all you need to say and do.

Answer 10

For Christ sake leave s.o.b. and get yourself healthy and let the a-s marry his sister!!!!