Should i resort to adopting a newborn at my age..?

Question

I am 45 and recently married again. I am enjoying a wonderful life. But whenever im in the company of my friends i feel a little bit the odd one out because all my friends have children. I long to have a child of my own but has never been successful at conceiving one since my first miscarriage years ago. I need your opinion.

Answer 1

You should adopt. Many people are even having children at older ages. If I were you, I would start soon. It can take a while to adopt. A couple at my church adopted a little girl from China and it took them three years to get Abby. The are plenty of children that would be lucky to have the love that you and your husband could give.

Answer 2

Okay, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that a) you don't just want a child because you are the "odd one out" and b) you don't consider adoption just a last "resort" that is second to having a biological child; if either of these are true you aren't doing yourself or your future child any favors by adopting.

That out of the way:
1. If you really would love to have a child of your own, talk to a fertility expert. S/he can let you know where you stand. There are also options available that would allow you to either carry yours and your husbands child, just his (and a donor egg), or have someone else carry your and your husband's child.
2. Be prepared for the issues with adopting and raising a child at an older age. You will be 65 (at the earliest) when your child is 20. If you do look at adoption, maybe adopting an older child might be a better idea.

Whatever you and your husband decide, good luck!

Answer 3

At 45 if you have children, they are more likely to end up with a disease of some sort. You can either try for children of your own or if you do not want to take the chances of another miscarriage or disability then definately go for an adoption!!! I am all for adoption! There are many many children in need of homes....newborns may be tough to come by because they are high in demand. Before looking into adoption....try looking into surogacy! Good luck!!!!!!

Answer 4

You should do it if it's something you really want (not just because it will keep you in the circle). One of my family members recently adopted (she's in her 40s) and she said it was a great decision.
Think about whether or not you want a new-born as opposed to somewhere closer to 5 or 7 years old, since there's not as much involved in staying up late at night or changing diapers.
With a new-born though, you may be able to instil the kind of values you want that child to have, and you wont to deal with the issues that might arise from the child knowing they were adopted (such as why do they now have 2 moms, or breaking ties with foster parents).
It is a great idea but you should ask your husband too which he would prefer (and what age he would consider).

Answer 5

I am 52 and had my daughter at 39. Actually if you had said you felt a loss in your life because you never had a child I would say do what you can to conceive or adopt to fulfill your life.
However you did say you felt "odd" in the company of other people because they have children and you don't. Not a real good reason to have a child, sorry.
Kids are wonderful, frustrating and time consuming. You have to put their needs and desires first at ALL times. Try to babysit a few times and I believe you will figure it out for yourself.

Answer 6

This is a decision not only up to you, but also up to your husband. Personally, I think it would be a great idea to adopt, not only because you have had trouble conceiving, but also because there are so many children in the world who need the love of a family. However, you could try a few different things to increase your fertility and try to have your own child. My aunt, for example, was 43 when she had twins from in vitro fertilization (however, we kept it in the family and she used my cousin's eggs). So there are still options if you want to have your own child. But make sure that this isn't just pressure from your friends. A child should be brought into this world to be loved and cared for. Good luck!

Answer 7

I think that at 45, you will be a high risk pregnancy. There will more tests and complications at 45 then say at 30. I think adoption is a great option for you.

Also, I know that Hollywood shows all these women over the age of 40 having babies "naturally" however these women also have the best doctors, best drugs, best hormones at their disposal. They will never come clean on how natural their conception was or wasn't.

Its really up to you.

Answer 8

From my opinion i wouldn't adopt a new born if i was you, everyone wants new born baby's and there are so many children out there who are over that age that people want them and are stuck going from foster home to foster home for the rest of there child hood, maybe you should look into adopting a child that's a bit older, they too need a loving home and a family.

Answer 9

No one could tell you this. Have you sat down and talked with your new husband? Are you both at a place in life where you want children? Adoption is wonderful...but perhaps spend some time volunteering with one of the children's homes---get a feel to see if you would prefer to adopt a toddler instead perhaps or if you really want children or just feel the pressure to have one.
Really talk to your spouse.

Answer 10

Do you really want a baby or you just want to fit in? Maybe you should consider foster children. There are so many children in need of a caring foster home and it can also be a huge shortcut(time and $) to adopting a child, toddler teenage or newborn. Give it a try and good luck