what is the right thing to do.?

Question

is it right to make a child visit their biological parent even when they dont want to. if they dont want to be a part of the non custodial family. the child is 9 and definately has been influenced. but when visits happen she sometimes is fine and has fun and others acts miserable and calls home like 4 times a day always upset afterword. the biological parent has been pushed out by the other parent, has made some mistakes and should of went to court before this summer but before was trying to work with the other parent and keep things simple and out of court. is it too late expecially with the other parent who has the kid more to make a difference will they adjust what should be done. and should we force the visits. and push the family thing. what is right. thankyou

Answer 1

You should encourage the visits, push is a hard word. Your kids need to learn that sometimes in life they have to do things that they may not want to do, but it is for their own good. If you take their side in this they will have learned that they can do whatever they want and get away with it.

On the other hand, the other parent needs to realize that they may be doing harm to their long term relationship with their child, because if the child hates it that much they will only grow to resent that parent.

A good compromise might be to space out the visits, thereby taking some of the pain away from the child but still encouraging a relationship. As the child ages 12 or so, they may then be given more say in when they go. Many non-cust parents make the mistake of forcing a regular schedule of visits. As a child grows they make friends and make plans and have diversions. They would have these diversions even if the parents were still together, but a non-cust always feels like they are being cheated and they become selfish, thereby turning their child against them because they feel forced.

Be careful, be supportive and encouraging, but most of all be a parent.

Yoda out

Answer 2

That's really sad if the child was influenced against the non-custodial parent. If the non-custodial is a good parent, I think that things could get better if the parent bashing was to stop in front of the child. Everyone makes mistakes, then you learn from them. Stop pushing out the biological parent, and be civil to one another. Take one step at a time. Don't force it. Start with visits for the day. Then overnights, then weekends, then school breaks etc. It will be in the childs best interest to have a relationship with both of the parents. Sounds like the child was just used in the whole situation to hurt the other person. That's the saddest part is now the child is the one who will be hurt. The child is the one who has to go away for the weekend and cry becouse they feel as though they have turned on their parent whom they live with.

Answer 3

If this was to go through the courts, the child wouldn't have a say in whether or not they wanted to visit with the non-custodial parent. The age of consent varies state to state and unless the child is being physically hurt or abused, the visitation arrangement will stay as it is.

There are times when I've picked up my stepdaughter and she cried as we left her mother. The second we pull away, she stops, remembers she's going to have fun with her Daddy and everything is fine. Kids don't like feeling torn between parents and in most cases, that's why they act up or cry during the switch because they're stuck choosing between two parents. There's also the possibility that because the child hasn't spent a lot of time with this other parent that he/she is just a little uneasy about the visitation. It'll pass, he/she will get used to things and will get used to being away from the custodial parent and having visitation with the noncustodial parent.

As for court, I think regardless if you go through court or not, you and the noncustodial parent need to have a written schedule. Just so there's no confusion. I do think that the two of you should go through mediation or something official so there's never any problems later down the road. You can even submit your own paperwork to the courts so they have something on file. This protects both you and the noncustodial parent....

All in all, you guys need to keep this child as involved with both parents as possible. Nobody said it was easy, but that child deserves to know both his mother and father. And let he/she be the one to choose what they think of each parent, good or bad.

Answer 4

I think the important question to ask here is from the 9 yr old child. Why does the child hate it so much? There may be other issues here that as an adult can't be seen by you. Is it that she/he is under more restrictions/rules? Or is there something deeper going on that is unsafe for the child. I don't ever like to suggest that abuse is going on but it should never be ruled out. I would suggest sitting down and talking with the child, reasurring her/him that you only want what's best for the child and she/he needs to tell you why they don't like or want to go there. It's never too late to take the matter to court. Forcing visits are very stressful on a child. Maybe give the child some time off from the other family until you get this sorted out.

Answer 5

Is it right to force the child. No. As much as you love your child, you know that they are dealing with outside influences (other parent, ex's family, etc.) and by you pushing it makes it harder for the child. I have not seen my child for a number of years from the same type of situation. It hurts like hell, but I think i made the right choice for the mental health of my child. If you believe that your child is being well taken care of mentally and physically, try to hang around and get whatever visits you can. Try to let them know that you are there whenever they need you. But don't push, and don't talk negative about the ex.

Answer 6

I think that you should nudge on family visits. don't push to hard or you'll be the one on the ground. just say (politely) "how about we go see your parents today and afterwards I'll take you to dinner and we can have some "us" time? then if they pitch a fit or flat out refuse say "we won't stay long just come with me so we can have some fun afterwards" remember do it all politely and sweet. You will get no results from "YOU'RE COMING EVEN IF YOU LIKE IT OR NOT! GET YOUR LAGGING BUTT INTO THE CAR SO WE CAN GO!!!!" don't be too harsh but also be firm and clear in what you say. the main thing is to comunicate with the biological parents so why not set up a date once a month but don't make the visits to far apart or it won't do any good. Godd Luck!

Answer 7

If the parent wants the visits, and is not a harmful influence on the child, then the visits should be encouraged. Maybe the child needs time to get used to spending time with this parent, if they haven't been around much. The custodial parent should encourage the child to get to know his/her other parent & not speak badly of them.

Answer 8

i wouldnt look at it like forcing visits but the kid needs to know both sides of the family and if the child is being influenced negatively, the kid still needs to see the other family. sooner or later the child will grow up and be able to make their own decisions but i think that in the meanwhile, the child needs to know and develop a good relationship with both sides of the family. it sux that adults try to brainwash their kids.

Answer 9

it's never too late when it's in the best interest of the child
i wouldn't make the child go if they didn't want to or perhaps send them but if they call to come home go get them
tough question
one thing I will say is it is despicable for a parent to influence a child regarding the other parent just because they are hurt the parent is the adult here

Answer 10

Are you a good parent to her now? Continue to see her, but you need to prove she can trust and depend on you. Be understanding on the days she needs to call home more, she might simply be homesick. She will understand more as she gets older but lay the correct ground work now prove you devotion to her and never miss her visitation, birthday,christmas and anything else important to her Take all issues to court cuz it never works out any other way,sad to say. Pay child support kids equate that with how much you love them. Good luck. .