I have been married for over 20 yrs, and I love him deeply but now
I dont know him any more dealing with sexual posting on line porn,and he knows I don't like it I caught him again and when I confronted him about this I found myself ducking a x-mas decoration flying at my head . I have No where to go my kids are grown.And to top it off all of his family is from here.and I have no friends I don't know what to do or where to go please help.
2007-12-03 02:08:26 · 15 answers · asked by Rose 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He is committing on line infidelity and possibly physical infidelity. Give him the option, you or them. If he picks them. Divorce him. If your state has the 50/50 law, you can get half the value of your house, half his retirement, and alimony will be mandatory because you have been married so long. You have more power than you think. You have financial power. You can hold all this over his head, see if he doesn't think twice about his bad decision to cheat on you. This brought mine to his senses. Took a while, but it finally sunk in.
2007-12-03 02:30:37 · answer #1 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Rosie: There is an addiction process to porn and such. Next time you find evidence of him participating, toss the computer out of the window. OOOOPPPSSSS. If he won't go to counseling, you go alone. If anyone in his family asks what's going on, TELL THEM THE TRUTH. Maybe he'll be embarassed enough to stop or get help by then. Or maybe you should pick up the phone and just inform them yourself, "oh, he's playing with his porn again"...I'm sure your kids would be happy to have you for a few days so you can think things out and he can "man up" and stop playing games. If he doesn't, take the other bedroom for yourself, get yourself some training and open a bank account for yourself that he can't touch. Then start taking classes and putting away your nest egg. When you realize you don't "need" or deserve this sort of treatment and you still have a life to live with or without mr.pornking, you can do whatever you like...or tell him to take his computer with him when he leaves. Godloveyahoney...it will all work out OK.
2007-12-03 10:32:32 · answer #2 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have been battling with my husband and his porn addiction. Married only six years but feels like 20. He watched movies until we were connected on line then moved to that. I have a 5 year old and a 1 year old. I told him how it made me feel, he continued. I put passwords on the computer (not hard at all)it stopped. Until I gave him a chance to trust him and he did it again. The last time I insisted on therapy. It's been months and he is still not the man I want to be married to. I am a stay at home mom. Full dependant on him. We only have one car. I have no family or friends to stay with. I told him I want a divorce but that it would have to wait til I could get on my feet. It's hell being married to a man like this. My only option is the local shelter. If I were you, I would be gone today. I would pawn everything, rob him of what I could and go. It only gets worse from here. He wll prove to you how much he disrespects you over and over. Get out if you can and pray for me.
2007-12-03 11:06:23 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to make yourself a plan, and it could take awhile depending on the situation you got yourself into. Even if you had friends, they wouldn't be able to help you. You need to help yourself. So, you need to either get yourself a job that can support you, or return to school to get job skills if you don't have any. Those are your only smart options. Counseling doesn't work very well with porn addicts, especially when the addict doesn't even admit he has a problem. In the meantime, you can talk to an attorney to see what kind of alimony you could get for a 20 year marriage, but I wouldn't count on it being enough to support yourself.
2007-12-03 10:26:21 · answer #4 · answered by Sondra 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have somewhere to go, It might just take you sometime, If you work start trying to save up some money over the next couple of months so that you can go where you have some family at. Or if thing are really that bad as one of your children if you can stay with them for awhile until you find somewhere else to go. Or if you have some money saved up then go get you a apartment until you figure it out. In the meantime try to keep your sanity and try to do the best you can to get out of there. Good luck to you.
2007-12-03 10:14:07 · answer #5 · answered by blessed is me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't believe the crap that some men and women will say...that all guys do it...and that you just need to get over it....That is such bullchit....you don't have to accept this...If he respected your feelings...he wouldn't be watching porn....Make his azz leave...You both would benefit from counseling....and he definitely needs to get control of his anger...throwing things at you can escalate to physically abusing you...
2007-12-03 10:19:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
you have 20 years will i say kick him out and tell him your not putting up with his crap no longer. If he don't go then turn the internet off on him but don't put up with it at all. you have rights too.Best of luck to you.
2007-12-03 10:19:46 · answer #7 · answered by Toni A 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try this great guide, written by a popular psychotherapist specializing in couples therapy.
Should I Stay or Go?
http://www.hearts-and-kisses.com/relationshipadvice-should-i-stay-or-should-i-go.html
2007-12-03 11:56:14 · answer #8 · answered by lovehealer 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Go... Do you have family you can stay with until you can get settled in a place of your own?
2007-12-03 10:29:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would make him leave until he gets help.the thowing stuff just might turn into hitting.20yrs. is a long time you need to get help for him and if he won't I would get out before it gets worse.
2007-12-03 10:17:48 · answer #10 · answered by mary ann 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋