My question is very serius and it goes like this. Am I a rapist?
Me and my girlfriend having been going out for 3 months now, she is 18 and I am 23. Let me tell you about our sex history in case it helps you better understand. She lost her virginity last year in July with a guy who dumped her after having sex with her and she felt like he used her, she also slept with some guy but they broke up because it did not work out. I only slept with one girl in my whole life and it is because I am a bookworm, a geek some might say so I am not good with women in general.
It all started when after going out to watch the movies at the mall, I suggested that she should come and visit me at my house because we live far away from each other, she said yes and we set a date. I had work to do that day so we cancelled and she was a bit upset and I at the back of my mind I thought she was upset because she wanted to come over to my house so we came be intimate, but I wasn't sure at that time, we never talked about sex before then.
A few days later I sent her an sms telling her amongst other things that "I want you" and the reason I did that was because I thought she would think that I didn't want to meet her because I didn't want to be intimate with her. We talked over the phone and she asked me what did I mean by "I want you", I gave her a dumb explanation and didn't tell her the truth because I thought she didn't want me to be so forward and she was maybe playing some kind of a game.
She came to my house around noon, we watched a movie and we started kissing after the movie, I slowly took off her pants and asked her if she wants me and she said no, but she was smiling when she said it and I could tell that she was enjoying me touching her and kissing her, I kept on asking her again if she wants me and again she said no, she started to be a bit difficult and at the back off my mind I thought it was maybe a game as I don't have much experience with sex and women. But eventually I stopped, she put on back her pants and she could see I was a bit irritated because she was giving me mixed signals. We talked for a moment and we agreed that she will spend the night with me. I went to the local shop to buy her a toothbrush and some body cream because she didn't bring any.
I came back and we started talking, listening to music and talked some more and at around 7pm we started kissing again, I went on top of her and took off her clothes and then we had sex, there was no violence or anything, I didn't force her to do it but we did, after that she said I raped her, she didn't look serius when she said it and I took that as a joke, then we talked once more and she told me about her ex-boyfriend who after 2 years lost her virginity with him but he dumped her and she said he was after sex only, and then she said I mustn't dump her like her ex did, I reassured her that I love her and I will never do such a thing.
We watched some TV for a couple of hours and at around 11pm we decided to go to sleep as I was supposed to go to work the next day. We tried to sleep but couldn't, we started kissing again, again I went on top of her had sex, she went on top of me and we did it, swiched off the lights and I remember at one point I said to her she should guide my penis into her because it was dark and I couldn't see, we did it, she climbed on top of me and again guided my penis on to her as I couldn't see and we did it. I could tell that she really enjoyed it and at one point my condoms ran out, I asked her if it's ok if we do it with no condoms, she asked me if i was sick and I said no and then we did it with no condom, later on she said that she wouldn't mind having a baby with me because soon I was gonna ejaculate inside her but I said no, I'm not ready for a baby and that's when we stoped. We went to sleep and we woke up the next day.
She was very happy and I could tell that she enjoyed spending the night with me, then I went to work and she went back home. We talked over the phone and asked her when will she be coming back to my house and she said soon, we again set a date and she came to my house. I told her I missed her and I wanted to make love to her again but she said no, I thought she was again playing a game like last time and I persisted, but I could tell that this time was was serius because she wasn't smiling and didn't want to kiss me.
I asked her why she didn't want to make love to me and she said it's because i forced her into having sex with her and therefore I raped her, I was stunned and she also said that I only want to have sex with her and saw her as a "piece of meat", we talked and I assured her that I thought she also wanted to have sex with me like I did, I told her about the signs and signals from her but she was upset, I told her that I won't touch her until she makes the first move if she things that I was using her for sex, I even said that we don't have to have sex until we get married.
She spend the night again and nothing happened, I again went to work and she wen back home, she is a student and her schools are closed so that's why she went to her home. We saw each other again at the mall and watched a movie like we always do, went to eat at a restaurant and started talking, I asked her if she regrets having sex with me and she said yes, she wasn't ready and said I raped her. I was starting to get scared, and now I am not sure anymore if I am indeed a rapist or not. I really love her and it hurts me that she is almost always upset when she is with me.
I think what happened is that she didn't come to my house to have sex with me like I thought she did, but eventually we had sex, there was no violence, I didn't force her or anything and she didn't scream and she also willingly came on top of me and guided my penis into her because it was dark. Then I think after a few days she realised that she made a mistake sleeping with me so soon and regrets sleeping with me, I do realise that I was wrong in thinking she was ready but we had consensual sex.
We are still together but what happened that night is making our relationship difficult especially for her because she keeps on saying I raped her and raped her emotionally. I don't know if she wil open a case soon or 10 years from now, I would like to get this behind me so we can move on because now I keep on thinking of jail, I keep on thinking that one day if we break up she will maybe open a case against me, I don't she she will do it but it could happen, I really love her and I have sleepless night thinking about this and her. If you think I did rape her and I deserve to go to jail then i think I should go to jail.
I would like to know if I am a rapist after what you have read and what I have told you?
Thank you!
2007-12-02 19:42:24 · 26 answers · asked by Sanza 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Many men automatically think coming over to their house means women want to have sex. It is not true. Women want companionship and a relationship. Men want sex so they think women are thinking the same thing. One lesson learned for you as a young person learning about women.
The other thing is you were dealing with a hurt young lady. And her emotions are not healed enough to have a physical relationship with someone. She told you no...and no matter what you think you see or feel from her, no means no. You didn't know to back off because you were feeling your hormones, and you thought she was too. She was emotionally fragile. But now you know that sex can represent a lot more to a woman than just a good time.
All you can do now is document your memories of the event so you'll have it for the future just in case. But more importantly, stay positive with her, date her and have fun as a couple. But do no more than kiss from now on. Don't try to touch her privates, don't try to take her clothes off. Give her lots and lots of time. She may eventually see that you wanted her the whole time as a person. Not as a piece of meat.
She went along with the sex, but she felt bad about it. She had told you no, but you climbed on top of her to try again. She wishes you hadn't tried again, and is probably mad at herself too. People have different perspectives, different experiences and different sources of pain. It's too bad this one was so complex coming out of the box. It doesn't sound like you should be in jail. But learn from this, respect a girl's words next time, and wait till you get to know someone more before you jump into sex. But focus on your current relationship. Be positive and supportive. Don't initiate sex.
2007-12-02 20:06:40 · answer #1 · answered by Susan 5 · 14⤊ 15⤋
Seriously thats f*** messed up! I am a girl and I still say that you are definitely not a rapist! What kind of girlfriend do you have?? As you explained her facial expressions always said yes. How could she know say that you raped her? Look I know its hard cos I know what love is cos of my boyfriend. How you talk I can understood how much you love her but still dude, U DON'T deserve to be with her! She won't to find excuses to break up with you! Because it could have been that she didn't know how sex feels and she wasn't ready but she doesn't love you because if my bf and I have sex and then I think that I wasn't ready I would NEVER put it on him and say that he raped me! U love her and she doesn't! You should really talk it out and if you see that she keeps saying you raped her just break up with her! Her mind is on the first guy that had used her and she is imagining that you are like him which is not at all fair! We all know the truth which is- YOU DID NOT RAPE HER. Find someone who respects you. I am so sorry. So don't make yourself say things that are bad to yourself. cos again- YOU DID NOT RAPE HER. you don't deserve to go to jail! All you deserve is a girl who loves you back as much as you do. Hope I helped. Good luck in further
2016-02-14 22:41:41 · answer #2 · answered by MakeupExpert 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think u are missing details. I got raped very violently by a guy who raped me twice. The first time he drugged me and I was confused. I told my mom I think I got raped and she said u would know, u must not of if u only "think" well I decided to give him another shot since apparently that hadn't happend. The second time he raped me he beat me up as well and the entire time I said ur raping me! I think u sound like an asshole. Why don't u leave this poor girl alone. Pressuring someone is a shitty thing to do but it's not full on rape. I think u worded the story to ur favor but I see red flags. Whatever ur excuses of not being with many women is garbage. Stop that! U are old enough to not rape a women and it's not that confusing. No woman owes u sex.
2014-12-19 09:29:52 · answer #3 · answered by artlover 2 · 8⤊ 6⤋
I Raped My Girlfriend
2016-10-03 02:39:44 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you take as long in bed as you do writing your Yahoo questions ... you're going to be a popular guy.
But you need to edit. It's too freaking long. Bookworms should know that.
If you shared the whole truth it certainly doesn't sound like rape ... but it should give you a clue or two why the girl has a history of getting dumped.
2007-12-02 20:11:13 · answer #5 · answered by Sam 7 · 12⤊ 2⤋
No. I dont think you raped her. I think she gave you mixed messages. And now I think shes using her past and what happened as a way to manipulate you into not dumping her. I cant imagine the police would arrest you at this point. Maybe the cops would come talk to you if she did file a report. But the detectives wont go for it. The DA would look at the case and reject it. Your girl has some issues that were there long before her first boyfriend dumped her. I would run if I were you. And Im a girl. If you decide to continue I would insist she gets some help. Her issues wont go away in time. Theres no amount of love you can give her to solve her problems. Theyre all hers. She has to figure out a way to get past them. I cant imagine why a woman, even 18 yr old girl, would meet her rapist at a later date for a movie. I am well aware of men raping women in marriage and long term relationships. And the wife forgiving him. But this girl doesnt even know you. Why would she want to see a movie with a guy who raped her? Or forced himself on her in any way? Was she afraid for her life as she sat on top of you guiding your penis inside her? So there you go.
2007-12-02 21:01:22 · answer #6 · answered by aperfectpeach 2 · 16⤊ 3⤋
You have heard it enough time already, NO, you din't rape her. But you don't need to think about that anymore. What's more important is she needs your mental support.
It is very clear that she is a traumatised girl and has had very bad experiences. Therefore, if you really love her, you need to be a true pillar of support for her.
2007-12-02 21:00:19 · answer #7 · answered by ihrobin 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
To me it doesn't sound like you raped her. She did seem to be giving you mixed signals.
However, the laws are clear and if she said "no" - even as a joke or a game - you should have stopped immediately.
So I guess that yes, you sort of are a rapist, but you probably won't go to jail unless she tells the police. I think you should ring one of those confidential helplines - they are available everywhere - and get some advice from an experienced counsellor. They will tell you whether you really should be in jail or whether it is okay.
2007-12-02 20:05:38 · answer #8 · answered by hiddenstar 5 · 6⤊ 2⤋
Dude its fine she never said no or stop. My gf has told me to stop or no but I still pulled those pants of and forced her legs open. She liked it tho and tried not show it but she was super wet so I kept goinh. Ive done this a few times last time I could feel it was hurting her so she pushed me off and we stoped. I was hitting them walls and side bone or whatever it is. And she aint no skinny girl just right size
2016-05-02 12:47:14 · answer #9 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sanza, you’ve got yourself a psychotic ***** on your hands. You’ve described a
Normal, healthy dating experience, minus the psycho girlfriend. First off, you stopped the first time when you saw she wasn't into it. The second time, she finally said
Yes, then you had sex & she enjoyed it. Now, she’s implying that you raped her, because you ASKED to have sex with her. That sound like exactly what it is, INSANE.Let me spell it out for you, “YOU ARE NOT A RAPIST"!!!Your so=called
Girlfriend has serious issues & needs therapy. Then she has the nerve to say that men should ask women to have sex.She is a delusional FOOL.NO WONDER HER BOYFRIEND DUMPED HER!!!
2013-08-26 23:35:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 2⤋
Oh my, this sounded like a formal confession...
Both of you are very naive and young.
Listen, the young lady had ample time to leave during the first mishap that occured.
Although, she made no attempt to peform the latter, in fact she stayed the night in a house with a horny young lad!
Ah, i think you are the one being used...
I imagine in a week she will be asking you for some money etc...
I believe the latter term would be coined "blackmail"
Yikes, already you have yourself bent over a barrel in some lunk head prison with visions of the movie deliverance!
Please, take a moment and view her past history.
2007-12-04 16:31:33 · answer #11 · answered by Kazoo M 7 · 6⤊ 2⤋