How to be more socialable?

Question

I would like to be able to talk to more people.. .but because my social skills are lacking and my low confidence... its kinda hard... I feel that im a good person and generally i want to be kind and help people... but i don't have alot of interests and im not the most talkative person... How can i become more social able and assertive in talking with people... I never really talk to people because i feel like i don't want to bother them... or im not sure what to say,...ect...

Answer 1

The answer is - practice. Truly.. that's what you have to do. Start small, with people you're comfortable with. I don't mean people you already know.. I mean like little old ladies/men.. the librarian, etc. Try asking random questions, like, do you have the time, etc., and work your way up to conversations. I know that sounds a bit strange, but it's just a way to buff up your conversation skills. Then, try someone who it's harder for you to talk to.. perhaps someone in your class (doesn't matter which gender), or a neighbor.. I promise, promise PROMISE you that the more you do it (starting small, and working your way up), the better you'll be at it, and the more comfortable you'll get. Even get on the phone and ask about things (not crank calls, of course, just ask for information you may not really need). You're totally not bothering anybody, believe me. People like to talk, help others, etc. Anywho, it may seem silly at first, but honestly, if you never step out of your box, you won't get anywhere! :o) ANYbody is capable of being the most social person out there. You just gotta take some extra steps to get there. Good luck! :o)

Answer 2

Are you comfortable talking to your friends a lot? If you aren't you should start talking to them more.

As for just being more social... get used to being more outgoing. Give a slight smile or a simple "hi" or "hello" when you see some one or anyone that you know. You may not even need to know them that much or at all. It's just part of being a nice person. If someone doesn't want to talk to you then no problem, ignore it.

When your talking to people, learn conversation starters. For example, "How was your day?" or "Whats going on?" or some simple reference to a popular current event.

As for self-esteem. Go hit the gym. Exercise and work out. You'll feel better about yourself and build self-esteem. It will also help in becoming more social. Hope this helps, good luck.

Answer 3

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Answer 4

I am the same way. What helps me is that once you in there you don’t feel bothered anymore. Join a group, involve in an activity, when you see other people talking something of your interest just say what you feel about the situation people will be more open to that. Remember not a lot of people are going to come to you and start talking every time unless you sometimes start conversation first or have courage and jump in the middle.

Answer 5

Ah, I have gone through this too...So, I'm going to give you Pife's 5 Step Guide to a More Sociable You. (Now there is a longer 20 step version that involves steps like "Good Mix Drinks and Why Bread is Your Friend" and "Karaoke and Other Socially Unacceptable Behavior" but we going to deal with 5 simple ones)
1) Smile. You are a good person. The world around you isn't bad. Be happy. Smile. Simple fact is that Smiling and being happy (Not Grinning and Bearing it) relaxes you and makes you more approachable, and will reduce you stress of dealing with people.
2) No short answers. They asked you a question right? Then they want to know, and they want you to tell them...but being curt, you’re not helping them...so give the long answer....it's what they are after...it’s not a bother if they are asking you. Now notice, I said "they asked you" You don't have to start anything...If you not comfortable starting up a conversation... fine...be a wall fly for a while, if everyone was always talking nobody would ever be listening...just listen until its your turn to talk. If your not an assertive person by nature...don't try to be in conversation, it'll just make you feel uncomfortable and nervous...conversation is part talk part listen, so if someone else is very gabby let them be just listen and when its you turn to talk, then talk, its not rude, its your turn. A short response is "I Pass on my turn to talk." and that is staying out of a conversation...
3) Don’t think about saying something, just say it. If you’re a nice guy, you're not going to really need to censor yourself...Your not going to start off, "Man she sure has a nice..."you not going to do that. So don't think about what you’re going to say, just say whatever pops into your mind. Yes you are going to get off topic, but that is part of conversing with other people. People start off talking about what the weather is like, and they some one says what the weather channel said was going to be going on tomorrow, and someone else saw a special on the weather channel about the storm that sank the Spanish Armada, and what's how stories about history just happen...Its not because anyone wants to have a conversation about European Navel history, its just people getting off topic because they are so bus talking that they aren't thinking where they are going with it...Don't try and think and plan out anything, just say whatever comes in your mind, over thinking will just limit you and make you nervous.
4)...Well actually...everyone says things that are wrong...don't be afraid to correct yourself. Its not a big deal....in fact you can actually turn that around and make that work for you...For instance it I said that Grant was the 26th president, when in fact it was...not...important who was the 26th President, Nobody is going to think "Why is knowledge of our national history is terrible...I'm going to go talk to this other man wearing a bowtie"...they are probably going to laugh when I try to correct myself...the point is...it not a big deal to make a mistake, Correcting yourself is not the end of the world...And you shoes are specifically made so that when you put your foot in you mouth, you know not to try and eat it...Its not a big deal. (Another good example is that I really couldn't think of #5 and just had to make it up s there were actually 5...no biggie)
5) Smile...seriously...that's really important

Answer 6

Most people's favorite topic of discussion is themselves- in some way or another... their own family, their own job, their own hobbies, etc... so let them- most will love the attention.

Practice being interested in what another says. Just listen to listen. Don't get distracted by thinking about what you want to say next.

Practice asking open-ended questions- questions that can't be answered with one-word answers...

"How did you get into that line of work?"
"What first drew you to_____?"
"What's your favorite part of_____?... Why?"



Good luck!

Answer 7

Questions questions Questions!! The easiest way to get people to talk is to ask them about themselves, however make sure you have a few opinions stored up if they ask you what you think of a certain situation or event, otherwise it wont be fun talking! The easiest way to do this is try and predict what they are going to say based on you question example:

You: Hey, how was your weekend, did you get up to much?
Them: Ah not really, it was ok but (weather was bad/not feeling well/had to work)
You: Yeah the weathers really annoying/thats sucks are you ok now/really? too bad, where do you work?

Nd you can see how you can get them to go on and on and on....rather like i have been here!!

Good luck man! xx

Answer 8

Lets start a club.
First step.
Find people that can relate, and can empathize with these issues.
When you tell a lot of people things like that, they look at you like you're crazy and say "Oh...well I guess I can relate...eh..."

And then you're odd.

A great way to form friendships is by personality type.

People with lifelike personalities can resonate with one another's experiences and get closer.

This is a stretch but you sound like an INF_ not enough to chose that last part but I'm going to say P [INFP--though I don't have enough to go on to say for sure o_o.

From another level you could have social anxiety, or not even and just need a confidence boost.
Perhaps talk to someone you can trust, or even a counselor about these things.
THEY WILL ONLY GET WORSE IF YOU LEAVE THEM UNATTENDED DEAR GOD!!!

Seriously though, if you haven't already taken a personality test, do so.
It really helps strengthen your confidence because you realize those traits you just listed, aren't bad things.
Their are just a lot of extroverts in society, and at times introverts can feel like there is something wrong with them.

These really REALLY helped me out:
http://globalchatter.com/types.php
http://globalchatter.com/messageboard/index.php?sid=b43cf8281bd3550c023ab609c15dd749

LOL ok, apparently those sites delve really really far into the INFP side of the spectrum at this point in time, so if you in fact are not one, it may still help, but the information on INFP's is far more prevalent than any of the other types

Here's a test thinger:
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp

Basically, it's about learning more about yourself, and why you react the way you do around people.
Some people come to find that they just need a bit more exposure, or a little confidence kick in the pants, other people discover that they're just not wired for certain things.
Plain and simple, they can learn to adapt, and function, but they will never be comfortable with certain activities.
Hm. There's a ton of stuff on the web about all this junk, once you get a fair good feeling of what your MBPTI type may be google information about it, and so on.

Good luck! I hope this is helpful for your situation.

Answer 9

I developed alcoholism, having started out using it for a crutch. I have your problem. But now I am sober. But back with the same problem of not being sociable, and not knowing how, etc.

Research Avoidant Personality Disorder.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoidant_personality_disorder

Look up support groups for this and similar conditions in your area. Good luck to you.

Answer 10

...couple of "shots" of Vodka, you'll be hoot'n it up like a Howler Monkey... you'll be talking like a "Senator".