My best friend was raped a couple of days ago. She went to a doctor, and filed a report with the police the following day. And I had just found out about it today through a text message from her. She says she's alright, and that' she's just glad to be alive. But she's worried about disease (She's using birth control, so pregnancy shouldn't be an issue). She said she doesn't want to think about it right now, and asked if I could go Christmas shopping with her tomorrow to take her mind off of it. I won't press the issue if she doesn't want to talk about it, but I'm kind of worried since she hasn't exactly had a stable life before this happened. I'm going to be there for her no matter what happens, but is there anything I should expect or anything I can do to help her more?
2007-12-02 18:57:42 · 23 answers · asked by ? 4 in Health ➔ Women's Health
You may suggest a rape counselor. It oftens helps victims to talk about it with some one who is impartial. Most of all just be there for her and talk when she brings it up. It sounds like you are a good friend. If she really has difficulty coping stress the counseling. About catching a disease she probably had blood work done to check for any and they will probably do follow ups with it to make sure she is fine and healthy. I really wish her the best.
Take care
Kali :-)
2007-12-02 19:05:42 · answer #1 · answered by Kali_girl825 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some people need a distraction at first, and it seems like that's where she's going. But eventually she'll reach a breakdown point and really need a shoulder to cry on - figuratively or literally. Try to spend as much time with her as you can to comfort her and distract her when she needs those. If she ever seems to start blaming herself then make it clear that it was not her fault.
Doing happy things like Christmas shopping is a good way to keep her mind focused on the positive. Keep that up and it'll help keep her mood up. Don't bring up the rape unless she mentions it. If she clues in on it, she may want to talk about it but may not know how to bring it up, so be on the lookout for body language and context clues that could hint for that. But most of all just be her friend - do what friends do. Love her unconditionally and she'll get through it. Since she already went to the police herself she seems like a good strong girl, she'll be ok.
Oh, and don't get jealous if she wants to spend time with other friends either. She may be really confused for a while about where and how and with whom she wants to spend her time. Be very flexible and be always available.
2007-12-02 19:04:15 · answer #2 · answered by Socks 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you are concerned enough to ask this question, then I'm sure she is in very good hands with you. You are sensitive and should trust your gut.
Don't ask her, let her talk about it. Don't try to fix her issues, just listen to her, and empathize with her. We men try to "fix" women all the time, but usually when a woman comes to us with a problem, they just want us to listen (and didn't you say "anything I can do to help her more"?). She wants you to take her shopping to get her mind off of it. So don't ask about it. But if she talks about it, listen.
Be there for her. Let her know that you are available to be there for her whenever she needs you to. She may not feel safe going to a number of public places, so you may be her shopping buddy for a while to come. Your point in being there may be for her to feel safe, so don't wonder off.
I'm glad she has a friend like you that she can depend upon.
A lot of women have a hard time being around men after a rape. Some women feel like they are now "damaged goods" and go quite the other way, to the point of promiscuity as a reaction to being raped. Realize this is because of low self worth and the behavior is actually a downword spiral (they feel even less self worth because of their behavior). Do a lot of reading. Contact the YWCA (they often have rape counsilng type programs). Educate yourself so you can better help her.
2007-12-02 19:11:22 · answer #3 · answered by Damocles 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Check for a rape crisis center in your area, try the phone book, if no luck with that then either call your hospital or the police department, they should have someone that they can refer you to. Give the information to your friend and urge her to call. She may be "hanging in there" now, but at some point it's going to hit her and it may not be pretty. Offer to go with her as support. If she is resistant to it, you should contact the crisis center yourself and ask them what you can do to comfort your friend and help her through this tough time.
Let her know, as you said, that you will be there for her no matter what happens. Let her know that it is in no way, shape or form her fault under any circumstances. Don't press her to talk about the rape, but do let her know that if and when she is ready to talk about it, you'll be there. Keep an eye on her for erratic or compulsive behavior, overeating, not eating, heavy drinking, withdrawing, drug abuse. You're her friend, you know her best, you'll know if she is behaving different or "not herself". Keep your eyes and ears open.
You're a good friend, it shows by you coming here and asking for help on her behalf.
Hope some of this was of some help to you.
2007-12-02 20:59:42 · answer #4 · answered by anonymoose 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be there for her if she wants to talk. Don't push her to do anything , this is very fresh in her mind right now and she may not want to be going shopping, then again she may want to do things like that it is hard to tell. Let her take the lead.
If she is willing, see that she gets to talk to someone at a crisis center or a therapist. She may not think she needs to, but this is a good thing for her to have the support of others who have been through the same thing as she has and she may just get out her fear and anger with strangers easier than she could with you. (Even though she is your best friend).
I wish her the very best. My heart goes out to her.
2007-12-02 19:06:54 · answer #5 · answered by Eliza 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I dont know what the answer is to this but I felt so sorry for your friend when I read that. How can men be so cruel so as to violate a woman? I expect she will need some counselling and a lot of tender loving care. I feel so disgusted that any man can do this to a woman ? I think you are very nice wanting to help her and you are obviously upset youself.
2007-12-02 19:05:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Help her gather proof as much as possible so she has an easier time proving her case if it goes to trial. Talk to whoever possible to help do this and let her cry on your shoulder is about all you really can do. Oh, and encourage her to seek counseling. Right now it hasn't fully hit her yet, but sooner or later a bigger crash is coming and she's going to need a professional there to help her, as well as her best friend. Get her involved in something that will help her vent what she's going to be feeling in the future. It'll probably get big and she'll need a lot of love and friendship and advice.
Good luck to you both.
2007-12-02 19:03:31 · answer #7 · answered by Top Alpha Wolf 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
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2016-12-17 05:26:02 · answer #8 · answered by melaine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend might be in denial of emotional pain because she tends to avoid talking about it and doesn't seem concerned of how she feels about the incident. What you need to do is be with her. So, yes accompanying her with her Christmas shopping would be great. Not only does it would make your friend feel protected because you're with her, it also will provide you an opportunity to talk about it. But beware because victims of violence such as rape can cause Post Traumatic Stress Disorder manifested as having flashbacks and anxiety.
2007-12-02 19:51:29 · answer #9 · answered by Carl Jeffrey A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can only be there for her and except the fact that she may have times when she is very emotional or closed to you. The added worry of disease wont be easy to cope with either. So just be a friend and listen when you are asked to.
2007-12-02 19:02:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋