We've been married for 5 months but had sex only once till now. We lived together for about 3 years before marriage, and we hardly had sex. Whenever I ask my hubby for sex, he says he is too tired (he works hard) and not in the mood for sex at all. I love him so much and want him to take a rest but I don't want a sexless marriage. The problem is not my body as I am not fat at all but in shape. I know he doesn't cheat on me because his work is just near our house (2 minutes by walk) and he barely goes out. I reckon he just was born like that (I mean no desire for sex at all). He doesn't like to kiss too. He said he wants to make love but can't make it. I don't want to stress him any more because I know he loves me a lot but just can't get in the mood. Should I just put up with the fact that he has no sex drive, or is there any solution to this situation? I won't get a divorce because I love him and he is a awesome person. Any answers would be appreciated. Thanks.
2007-12-02 18:30:11 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Me and my wife went through a spell like that for awhile. My work piled up and became over whelming. It's not that he don't want to have sex, but a person can be to tired for it. Or in my case at the time, my back was the problem a lot of the time. What worked for us was me taking some time off of work and focusing on my wifes needs. After that I felt great, re-evaluated my life, and changed my work goals so that I can have the energy after work for everything else that is important.
2007-12-02 21:05:48 · answer #1 · answered by JONES 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, he needs to see his doctor. A low sex drive can be a symptom of many different things. I hate to see someone using the excuse of working hard becaue a man's penis has a mind of its own. He could just lay there and you could do the work. I understand I was in great physical condition but when I was in the Army at 30, I ran 5 miles a day, walked or marched everywhere, got off work and partied most of the night and could still cause multiple orgasms at 4 in the morning and get up at 5 and do it again. Now while you are checking, have his hormonal level checked. Low testoterone also causes low sex drive. If he can not get an erection, viagra or something similar will work. If he still has problems, he might be gay and doesn't want to tell you. After all of this and he still doesn't want sex, then you need to find out if he will allow a discreet affair to have your needs met. Lastly if that is a no, then a divorce would be in order. I have several "awesome" friends from the past that I really loved and liked but they were gay. If he is gay then he shouldn't have a problem with you having a friend with benefits since he will want one as well.
2007-12-02 18:42:11 · answer #2 · answered by baseballdad69 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Men are almost always in the mood. . .! Unless there may be a medical reason (not sure of the age of your hubby).Or, maybe you need to pick a good time, when he hasn't been working and make the first move. Men enjoy being woken up with a little something. You should initiate the sex and see what comes up. You both may be pleasantly surprised.
2007-12-02 19:08:20 · answer #3 · answered by Dreamer 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think low testosterone levels can do that! Unless he has some traumatic past of being molested....
Get his hormone levels checked and if it s PTSD, get him to see a therapist.
Be firm about him getting some help!
Try to compromise, he doesn't seem to want sex at all, could be a medical condition, and you seem to want it who knows how often. Could you work on one Friday/Saturday a month to start for awhile?
When you get home dim the lights, put some romantic music on, candles, and aphrodisiac meal...some drinks...put ona sexy aphrodisiac perfume and outift. Does he like sexy movies or porno? My girl is hard to get in the mood, but put one of those on and the celibate becomes a horndog...
might not work on all, especially if person has hangups
You have a nice jacuzzi? Well, anyways, don't let it just be about sex and the big O, take the pressure out of the mix, if it happens great, if not, go deeper. By this I mean, pick up some books on Tantra/Kama Sutra and try some of the bonding, intimate exercises that bring a higher form of ecstasy.
2007-12-02 18:56:58 · answer #4 · answered by Jack Bent 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This sounds awful if he was like this for the three yrs prior to marriage what made think he was going to change after marriage. I think you guys need to look at getting a professional involved when I married my wife and even before we married well we could not keep our hands off each other.
I think he has a psychological issue from his past that he has not dealt with as of yet or he is not telling you something. I would also be concerned that he is confused about his sexual orientation meaning he can't figure out if he likes girls or guys.
Really married 5 months had sex once crap I think most newlyweds would be like married five days had sex 10 times.
You guys need to discuss this intimacy is important in a marriage and so is affection and communication is well key to everything.
Just so you know most men who enjoy sex could be half dead and still want some action so something is going on with your mate. Has he had problems getting it up maybe he is dealing with ED maybe time for him to get checked out for his health and the well being of your marriage.
Tell him that you love him and that you would not even think of divorcing him but tell him you need a sex life atleast a couple of time a week. If he feels like he is unable to accomplish this then maybe it just ain't meant to be.
One last thought does he want kids maybe he is shying away from sex because he doesn't want to be a father. Ask him if he wants a family some men just want a wife not the baggage.
One other thing and the most important of all have God in your marriage and pray regularly.
God Bless and Best Wishes.
2007-12-02 19:28:58 · answer #5 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You might want to have a sit down with him see if you can get to the bottom of the problem. There could be an issue with him having problems with getting "started", if that is the case ask him if he'd go to the doctor. A lot of men who can't get it up are at risk for heart problems (that's one of the first signs) and that needs to be addressed.
He could also be depressed or anxious. Depression can cause a lower sex drive and anxiety can do all sorts of things. Again this is a thing where you need to talk to a doctor. I know most guys don't want to go to the doctor but you know it is important to be seen about these things.
Sexless marriages do so much emotional damage and you really need to get to the bottom of it.
I do understand being tired as I have been too tired but never enough a few kisses hasn't cured.
2007-12-02 18:35:51 · answer #6 · answered by Ashley 3 · 4⤊ 1⤋
I think it's really great that you aren't just ready to up and leave him because it seems like people are so quick to split up over anything. Not that this is an insignificant issue.
I'm wondering, though, why you didn't address this sooner. You said you hardly had sex in the three years you lived together before you were married?
I would suggest going to a marriage counselor AND an MD.
Best wishes!
2007-12-02 18:56:59 · answer #7 · answered by mamabunny 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
hard work can take it out of him. So try to add some spice in your relationship. Meet him at home with just a tie on. Or meet him for lunch in a trench coat and high heals. Things like that. If that doesn't work, then you need a bf on the side. Some guys just don't like sex.
2007-12-02 19:29:40 · answer #8 · answered by gumie23 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im having the same problem as you. My husband do complaint that he is just too tired to have sex. Once we are on the bed, he can just go do sleep within a minute.
Its not that he doesn't love or cheating on me but I do know he is tired. So, I talk to him and told him ,I need to have sex. Everyone cant be the same.
He now understand my need. So, we will now have sex when he is off and I too make sure he gets enough rest that day.
2007-12-02 22:01:08 · answer #9 · answered by shygal 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The way I see it, you can accept your marriage as you've explained it and take care of your sexual needs yourself.
Which if it hasn't already, will get old and boring after awhile, you could discuss with your husband about an open marriage where you fulfill your sexual needs with someone else or maybe seek chemical help. ie. Viagra, or some other sex enhancing stimuli. Whatever you choose, GOOD LUCK and BE HAPPY....
2007-12-03 04:19:00 · answer #10 · answered by IDGAS 101 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋