Is it ok to be mad? should I confront my mom?

Question

So my parents recently split (divorce is being worked on, i think) anyways i found out my dad was on a dating site and that he was cheating way before they split( not the reason why they split though) Anyways my dad was on this dating site and I read his messages because he left it to sign in automotically. I know i shouldnt have read them( so dont give me a whole speech on that) but hes been messaging ladies to meet up and maybe have sex with them.. then he will come over and act like he loves my mom. She Knows about this and gets upset but whenever he comes over they have sex. It really obvious too. Im so upset but I dont know what I would say to her. One minute she says she doesnt like him and hes an *** for doing this but then she turns around and has sex with him.. when both her kids are home or not. Im 17 my brothers 12 and we can hear them its disturbing. But even more so thats shes saying stuff and doing the opposite. Im confused.How can i bring it up with my mom?

ok, umm firstly i dont like my dad i dont want them to fix things.. secondly its hard to stay out of it wen my moms bringing me back it.. and shes trying to be unbias.. like i said they didnt split because of the cheating.. and i dont hate my dad cuz of this.. but because of something else but this pisses me off.. because it shows he doesnt care

Answer 1

Remember 4 items -

1) Listening

2) Reasoning

3) Understanding

4) Negotiating

You could try the long-lost art of speaking with your parents concerning your thoughts and feelings.

Choose a time when both parents have absolutely nothing to do. (They can't give excuses, then)

Remember that you might need to give up some of your time for this to happen.

Also, choose an atmosphere which is conducive for discussion, such as a "neutral" room of the house, or perhaps (if the weather is nice), sitting on a blanket in the back yard.

Above all, the atmosphere must be relaxing and no interference, such as TV, other people, music, noisy locations, etc.

The simple trick of communicating is CALMLY (and I mean calmly) discussing with your parents your thoughts, dreams, and hopes. Other subjects could also be included.

Remember the word calmly. It does no good if one raises their voice and tries to control the conversation.

Another trick is listening to their side of the conversation. Don't you dominate the conversation and keep your ears open.

Remember, you asked them for their time, so give them your full attention.

Most conversation ends abruptly because of non-listening.

An item of importance; if one of your parents says something you don't agree with, don't belittle them; instead,

Negotiate and ask them what would be agreeable to them.

(This tends to work wonders - it makes them stop to think, sometimes helping them realize they just might be unreasonable. But keep in mind - they might do this to you, so have some reasonable answers ready.)

Keep the communications open and two-way (or three-way, if both parents are present.)

You'll find that listening, reasoning, understanding, and negotiating are very effective ways of communicating and eventually everybody gets what everybody wants.

It also shows your parents that you are growing up and possibly ready to handle responsibilities.

Answer 2

If I were you, I'd stay out of it and worry about my brother. At least you sound mature enough to handle it but how about your younger brother? I feel bad for you to have such screwed up parents but it's their problem and she made her choices. If a divorce is being worked on, just encourage your mom (without being defensive or defiant) to go on with the divorce because it would be best for everyone. She probably loves your dad and when she vents, its out of anger which is why she says one thing and does the other. I pity her as well because she's so into him that she thinks allowing him to have sex with her on top of every screwed up crap he gives her - because she thinks it will keep the marriage going. Your mom needs all the moral support she needs and issues on self-respect and self-esteem is very pronounced. Talk to her about it, if you have relatives who can talk to her, the better. If she has friends, tell them to talk some sense into her.

Answer 3

Best to stay out of it.

It sounds like your mom is not sure what she wants. However, it would not be good for her to turn you into her confidant. That's just not a healthy relationship for you and your mom. I'm afraid if you do talk to her about it, she'll continue to talk to you about her marriage and I'm sure there is "inside information" that you just don't need to know. Your relationship with your father should not be influenced unduly by your parent's relationship with each other, and in particular, one of your parent's view of their relationship with each other (which may not be the whole picture).

You see this all the time with in-laws. A couple has issues. One of them tells their parents what is going on. Parents get mad at the other person. The couple forgives each other and gets back together. But the parents are still mad. They got too much inside information and they made the couple's issues, their issues.

I know you want to help your mom, and you don't like seeing her vassilate like this. You probably see her as being used. But she isn't quite sure what she wants at this point. Don't let your feelings about what your dad is doing influcence her either. You're probably a little angry at him yourself. That isn't going to help her make decisions that she really can live with long term. She has to sort it out.

Encourage her to get together with her friends (people who can be her confidant). But say out of it yourself.

Answer 4

Your Mom is probably mixed up not knowing what to do, but she is married so ok to have sex if she wants to.

My suggestion to consider:

You and your brother tell your Dad you want him to move back home, cancel the divorce, and quit dating other women and be a family again. (Don't tell him how you know.) Tell him he is messing up 3 peoples lives by cheating and divorcing and he should stay with you all until you boys are grown. Stick up for your Mom.

Joy to you!

Answer 5

ur the child you should say something about it. ur mom is obviously just digging herself into an even deeper hole by still being with ur dad. you should tell her that it hurts you and confuses you because they're being so on and off and that she shouldn't be putting herself out there for your dad to "use" kind of. especially if he's off with other women. help her through it and be tough for her

Answer 6

Don't bring it up. They are adults and this is their situation. I know you are concerened about them, but it's not your responsibilty. Don't try to read any more personal things and try to stay neutral as much as possible. Be supportive of them both, because in truth, you don't know the whole story, only they do. Who are we to judge. Good luck to you and your family. I know it's hard.

Answer 7

Best to stay out of it.

Answer 8

This ain't your issue to resolve.