At what point is enough, well enough. When it comes to ex's?

Question

My ex and I have a perfect relationship. We are friends that talk about how happy we are now, etc. But we don't call each other on our B-days and we don't spend hours talking to each others parents. Now, I am engaged, and my finance just ran into his ex's parents and spent 20 mins. talking to them while i was alone shopping for OUR families Christmas gifts. I would've never done this to him....but needless to say, he gets calls from his ex's often. and frankly i'm sick of it....what can I do?

Answer 1

You can talk to him about your feelings. He may not know how you feel about this. Guys think or don't think about these things the way women do. Sometimes they just don't get it. He may be clueless. You'll want to deal with this now rather than after you're married to him - I think.

Good luck

Answer 2

Perhaps his ex or his ex's family shouldn't be calling him, especially if they know he is starting a new life with somebody else, but I don't see a whole lot wrong with somebody talking to their ex's parents when they run into them as long as the ex's aren't bad-mouthing you or being disrespectful (i.e. saying things like he & their daughter should get back together, etc.). But if he knows their family and is just "catching up", like maybe they're asking how his parents are doing or he's asking about their family, then what is the harm? What are you AFRAID could come from this?
If their is no animosity between them I say good for them! You rarely see that because so many relationships end bitterly.
It sounds like insecurity on your part. Like I said, if he or they were saying disrespectlful things I would understand, but if they are just exchanging pleasantries and you would rather him say, "sorry, can't talk to you" and possibly cause angry feelings between him and his ex's family, is that really going to make you happier? It just seems that if you all are going to be running into certain people from time to time (who haven't done anything to you!) isn't it better to say 'hello' for a few minutes then to turn away and pretend you don't see them? That just seems like an awkward way to be.
And remember, your fiancé had a life before your existence in it. Do you expect him to sever all ties to his past?

By the way, you didn't mention if he has kids so I'm going to assume he does not, but if he does, you better believe that he is going to be in continuous contact with his ex and her family for the rest of his life.

Answer 3

You seem to think it is ok talking to your ex. Now you want him to do the same, but on the same level as you do it. If you want to do anything, stop talking to your ex and maybe it will set an example for him. But you can't set the rule of how far to go, if you are doing the same thing.

Answer 4

It clears that you are only in relation with your ex and not in relationship. Try to understand the difference in between relation and relationship. As such your relation is enough, secondly the intrusion of the ex's parents due to the relation of ex is well enough, provided if really you are in term of relationship other wise already you have reached to ex's.

Answer 5

Seems to me that as long as he is open about it and you know what is going on, then you have nothing to worry about. It is when people are secretive and try to hide contacts that you may need to worry that they actually do mean something. You didn't say if he had children, and if he does there will always be an attachment. If he has no children then speak to him about breaking the ties now that you are together, it seems reasonable to me.

Answer 6

What exactly is the issue? It's alright for you and the Ex to talk and gab, but not okay with your fiance to talk to his ex's parents for a few minutes to catch up and whatever??

Can you say: double standard??

Give it a rest and move past it already....

Answer 7

I can understand you being sick of him getting calls from his ex's.

But I think you're over-reacting about him talking to the parents.
He ran into them shopping he didnt activelyseek them out , he was showing good character and good manners having a chat to the parents.

Answer 8

i certainly understand how you feel and do not even disagree....but why were YOU alone shopping...why not stand there and wait to be introduced....
if he doesnt introduce you, introduce yourself to them...grab his hand
your fiance will be mad but he will get over it and the EX's parents will get the hint.
NOt much you can do about the calls from the ex's but you should tell your fiance how it makes you feel.
if that does not work, next time they call get on the phone with her and ask her if she will be able to come to the wedding.
I am sure that this sounds cliche
but be flattered that all these other women want him and YOU HAVE HIM!
HE must be a great catch
dont let them take him from you

Answer 9

well, he was talking to ex's parents, not to his ex. and maybe they re just mumbling talkative people and he is a polite chap to tell them shut your yaps i'm going home to my new woman. there re old people (and young ones too) who will continue on and on and on and it is like a web around u - there is no point where u can say good bye. u have to stand there and listen. why re u angry at him for this insignificunt matter? probably u re not a nice person. u re very controlling. at least disguise it

Answer 10

Confront your partner about this. Explain how this makes you uncomfortable. The fact that he doesn't know how you feel about it kind of tells him it's OK to do so. Have a good talk.