We are both 24. He lies alot, even about the stupidest things sometimes...I always forgive him...because I believe that it's not his fault he is this way...he grew up in a broken home that was poor, and since he was a little kid he was surrounded by peers who's parents were extremely rich. He would lie to cover up the fact that he was not as fortunate...and I'm guessing this turned into a habit...one where he doesn't like to be looked down on...we are now both studying our MBAs now, and doing really well. He always talks about how he's going to make so much money and be rich and buy me this and that and our big house and kids and cars...but I'm really scared that money will change someone who's never had money...corrupt him...what if he's only with me b/c he has nothing...but when he's rich, he will cheat on me with the type of girl that used to laugh at him b/c he had no money... and he wants to prove eveyrone wrong? Especially when he has this compulsive lying problem? Help me..!
2007-12-02 17:00:29 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hi, after reading your kind answers, I've noticed that I've left out a detail. His lies are of all types. The white ones that don't really hurt the relationship...although he sometimes takes advantage of my personality. I always worry if he had a long day at work, so I stay up to see if he drove home safe...but once he lied and said he was gonna go out driving somewhere because he was sad that I might break up with him...when he was actually at home sleeping...I stayed up the whole night waiting for him...and I had an exam the next day...=[
The other lies he told were bigger ones..for example...he completely lied about where he went to college...and I dont understand...we went out for awhile back in HS...and we didn't see eachother for 7 years...but when we met again 2 years ago...he said he got kicked out of college...and I still agreed to be his gf...so I don't understand why he would lie...and say to me with a straigh face ALL THE TIME that TRUST is the most important thing
2007-12-02 17:16:11 · update #1
And yes he does often brags about his belongings...and how much they cost...and this and that...he's really afraid people will think he is poor...
2007-12-02 17:17:47 · update #2
In response to someone below:
I'm not with him because I have low esteem...or anything like that
The main reason is that:
1. I can't say no to anyone...whether it be family, friends, etc. I think it's because I don't have much experience with relationships and boyfriends...when we went out in HS he was my first kiss, and then when he asked me to be his gf 2 years ago I just agreed and than developed strong feelings for him. He's been my first and only boyfriend. That is why it's such a hard decision because when your with anyone for that long, you develop alot of feelings for them. =T
2007-12-02 23:23:27 · update #3
I bet you've already decided. The only question is if you will follow-through with your decision.
2007-12-02 19:11:10 · answer #1 · answered by hah2001 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally I wouldn't be with someone who's a compulsive liar. If he lies about the little things, imagine what he can do with the BIG things. Nope, nope. I'd say get rid of him. Not only that, I would just be turned off by someone who is ashamed of where they came from. I'm not saying be proud that you were poor, but don't lie about that either. I'm sure that others can see right through his lies but just don't say anything. I would be extremely embarassed by that if I was you. Your first sentence should give you your answer "My boyfriend of 2 years has a lying problem...should I keep him?" What would you tell someone else if they asked YOU that? Don't make excuses for him as to why he's a liar. As if it's not his fault. Give me a break. He's an adult and even my 9yr old knows lying is wrong! No matter how small. A lie, is a lie, is a lie!
2007-12-02 17:08:36 · answer #2 · answered by grneyedgrly 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No I don't think you should keep him.
Even in asking the question, I think you know really that you shouldn't stay with someone who you can't trust.
Trustworthiness is SO important in a relationship, and what may be little lies in the beginning (where he went to college, what he owns, where he's been) take on a much bigger significance as relationships progress, especially if you're considering marriage and children.
I wouldn't take the risk if I were you. I REALLY can't stand a liar, and whatever excuses you might want to make for him, about an unfortunate underprivileged background or whatever else, really are not VALID excuses for his behaviour now, as a 24 year old adult man.
Value yourself enough to know you deserve better than this.
All the best to you.
2007-12-02 17:57:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is completely your decision to dump him or not...I would, but I am not you....
what I would do is confront him EVERY time you catch him in a lie.
Tell him you love him just for him and that he does not have to lie to impress you.
I did not understand completely if the lies he tells are 'little white lies' or lies that will impact your relationship (lying about where he was, or who he was with, how he spent is money etc) which are different from lies about status ('I paid xx for this shirt, I ate dinner at 'such and such resturant when he really went to mcdonalds, I was offered a job at xx but turned it down) both are annoying but the latter might work itself out without too much in the way of intervention.
Either way he is lucky to have you
2007-12-02 17:07:50 · answer #4 · answered by xxxxxxx b 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is his fault as he is an adult now. The reason he continues is you forgive him and the pattern repeats itself. As for broken home..etc. many people have come from broken homes who are honest so that is not excuse. I came from poor broken home and now very successfully and I never lied or was ashamed of my background. It fact I was proud of it as it was more challenging for me to get to the top.
To be blunt you are naive and treating him like a child.
Compulsive lying has got nothing to do with this background but his personality. One more thing - what if he is lying about his background ?
2007-12-02 17:14:39 · answer #5 · answered by ensoman 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion you need to go to work on your (low) self esteem which has attracted someone like this to you.
A high self esteem person would most likely not be drawn to a compulsive liar but if it happened, the high self esteemer would know exactly how to confront the liar and straighten things out.... or MOVE ON to a more respectable high self esteem relationship.
2007-12-02 17:39:25 · answer #6 · answered by jimrich 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The quick answer:
It's something he's never going to stop doing. If you're having problems with it now, imagine if you got married and started a family together. You might love him to death, but think about the future.
2007-12-02 17:23:15 · answer #7 · answered by bored. 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
and this my dear is exactly what is going to happen. if he ever gets rich. which i actually doubt - when a person wants smth a person doesn't talk about it - the fear of jinxing it. your guy is just boasting and showing off and he is also a loser - many people were poor. they didn't become compulsive liars
2007-12-02 17:15:56 · answer #8 · answered by yeahright 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sadly you can't trust a liar. But you can't stop him from trying to improve his life by obtaining new degrees. It's his choice. Do not hold him back.
2007-12-02 17:09:42 · answer #9 · answered by Jenna 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I THINK YOU SHOULD LET HIM KNOW THAT HE AIN'T GOT TO LIE TO KICK IT,BEING TRUTHFUL IS THE REALEST THING A MAN CAN HAVE EVEN IF HE DOESN'T HAVE IT ALL.ANYWAY KEEP YOUR HEAD UP AND LET YOUR MAN KNOW THAT ITS ALRIGHT TO BE REAL.LIES ONLY CAUSES MORE PROBLEMS AND WORRYS.TELL HIM TO JUST KEEP IT REAL,BUT WHEN YOU DO KEEP YOUR GROUND,BE SERIOUS,LOOK HIM IN THE EYE AND LET HIM KNOW, YOU TIRED OF IT AND THANGS GOT TO CHANGE.TRUST ME HE'LL UNDERSTAND
2007-12-02 17:14:03 · answer #10 · answered by WILLIE G 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋