i need some serious help...with my 8 month?

Question

hi..if theres any mom out there that can give me an opinion about how to teach my son not to want to be with me 24/7...im a single mom and dont have any family in canada..so the only person he sees is me...i talked to other moms and they tell me let him cry it out..if u have changedd him gave him his bottle and everyhting else and he still crys hes just spoiled...i dont know wat to do i tried livin him there to cry watchin carttooons..he got so red and cried up to the point that he was shoking and makinn him self puke...i dont know wat to do i feel like such a bad mom, for leting him cry,,but theres things i need to get done around my home and cant..it has got so bad that i now have tendonytis on my arm and it hurts when i pick up anything....does anyone have advise or if they went tru this..thanks

hey thank u so much to everyone...i am so glad i asked for some opinions..something was telling me that it cant be right to live a baby cry like that. and im glad last night was my only night...i can asure u that im in tears now, cause hes my hall world, and doin that last night hurt me more then it hurt him... but i guess i jsut let people tell me..to let him cry it out that hes jsut spoiled. i do have a walker and chairs and all this things but. he only stayes for a little he likes to be played with and he likes attention, for him to watch tv he has to be sitting in my lap,for him t play with his toys i have to be there with him....hell stay alone for a few minutes..but like so many of u said hes not gonna stay a baby for long..im just scared that when i star workin and live him in the day cares hes gonna expect something from the daycare that they will not be able to give him...i just want him to be okay when im not around and i was told by other people to let him cry it out..thankU

i tried today puttin my baby on my back with the baby carrier i did so much..thanks he was so quite and i kept looking in the mirror to see he was okay...o yeah and it turns out he was crying more the usually wanted me to carry him more..because he was geting a cold not feeling good my poor baby..thanks to all

Answer 1

He needs you. You are all he has, please don't turn your back on him. Just because a baby is dry and fed doesn't mean they can't need anything else. They need comfort, he needs to know you're there for him. He is not spoiled. He won't be a baby forever and years from now you don't want to regret not holding him more.

Answer 2

First of all, YOU Are his mama! If you follow your heart, you can't be wrong.

I agree, you need a baby sling or wrap! I'll link to a place where you can find out how to make your own--or you can buy one from ebay. They save you because baby is up next to you, but you have your hands free and can get things done.

The good news is that this will pass when baby gets a little older and can crawl and walk around themselves.

We all go through this! You will probably be surprised that when you leave him in day care, he'll do just fine! Little ones love the interaction they get with all the other babies! They miss you and you miss them, but if you have to make a living, you make do.

Don't be surprised if the care center tells you that your baby did great all day and then your baby just want to stay next to you all night--that's normal and OK!

Listen to your baby, and your heart.

Answer 3

The best suggestion I have is to try finding activities that will be more distracting to him and will stimulate him to want to focus his attention somewhere other than on you all the time. It might take him time to warm up to new things, but it might help. Sometimes babies cry when they are bored.

Just try to to gradually put him down, but still stay at his level with him so he doesn't feel like you are leaving him. Encourage him to play with some toys or even with you, but just keep encouraging him to play on his own or at least not in your arms.

Your son is getting to the time when separation anxiety comes on full throttle. It is pretty normal that he wants to be with you all the time. Especially if you are the only one he spends significant time with. Try getting out of the house. Find a play group or a moms' group. Look for baby gym classes or music classes. Your son may still be clingy, but he will learn more independence. But the most important thing in this time when he is feeling very anxious about you leaving, is that you show him that you will not leave him. You need to be reassuring that you will always come back for him. Letting him cry it out will not be the best thing to encourage his confidence in you right now. Try playing little peek-a-boo games with him so he learns that even when he can't see you you are still there.

Good luck. I know it must be really hard on you. Try to find some friends who also have babies that can support you where you are.

Answer 4

My friend uses one of those carriers that you put on your back. That way she can still do dishes and stuff. Her daughter was the same way.

Don't feel bad that you need to get stuff done. Just take him with you in every room. Once he gets mobile, he will just automatically follow you everywhere.

Play peek-a-boo or other similar games that teach him even though he can't see you, you come back. Try and set aside some time to just play with him (even if it's just a few minutes here and there.)

Sing to him or talk to him while you are doing things. Try and make a game out of everything. Give him the socks to hold (or chew on!) while your folding clothes. Let him bang on the pans or the plastic bowls while you do dishes or make dinner. It will take a little longer to get stuff done, but at least it gets done. And as much as you hate it, he can't be everywhere you are (like at the stove) So there may be times that you can't hold him. Just put him in the same room.

Can you afford to get a sitter once a week or every other week? Or if you have friends, maybe they can take him for a hour or two a week. Even though you can't get a whole lot done in that amount of time, it will give time to relax and do something for just you.

Answer 5

You can't spoil a baby with love.
My girl is going through this also. She's 11 months old now, and it is getting better. It's just her, me and her Dad, but she's with just me all day. The way I figure it is...there's going to be a day, when she's going to become independant, and I'm going to cry for the days when all she wanted was me. So I hold her and kiss her, and make sure she feels loved and wanted. This phase doesn't last long. I'm getting longer and longer stretches of her amusing herself while I can get some stuff done. But when she cries, I get on the floor with her and we play. Your childs wellbeing is more important than chores. One day they aren't going to need us anymore. You giving him all your attention assures him that he is secure and safe.
Never let anyone make you feel like a 'bad mom'. It's nobody's business but your own how you raise your child.

Answer 6

Remember that if you leave him and let him cry, it might just make his insecurity worse. My daughter was similar to that, but not as bad because my husband is around and we can take turns. She has to constantly be entertained though and never be left alone. When she started walking, she became more independent and her curiosity and mobility allowed her to play more independently. He is really too yougn to be able to interact with other children, but just having another friend with a baby around the same age and letting them sit together while you two talk might be a step towards building his confidence.
Like that other person said, I carried my daughter with me from room to room when I did chores and I never put her down and let her "cry through it". If he is crying, then he is probably scared. He has not yet learned how to cope without you. If you give him all the attention he needs now, when he is ready he will be secure enough to gain his independence.

Answer 7

He cries for a reason. He NEEDS you. Even if it's "just for attention" that is still a valid need. Have you looked into getting a sling or some other baby carrier? That way you can get things done and he can be near you. Babies absolutely do not need to "cry it out." It is physically, emotionally and mentally dangerous to leave an infant to cry alone.

Your mommy instincts are telling you this is not the right thing to do--listen!

Answer 8

Babies this age need their mothers - 24/7! Needing you doesn't mean he is spoiled, it means he has a healthy attachment to you. You can't teach him not to want to be with you. He will become more independent as he grows up and doesn't need you so much. I'm also a single mother, and my daughter had a strong need to be held all the time, so I understand how consuming it can be. He won't be a baby forever, though. You might want to try carrying him in a sling during the day so he can be close to you and you can get things done.

http://peppermint.com
http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sling.html
http://www.kellymom.com/babyconcerns/fussybaby.html#spoil
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/T100200.asp

Answer 9

Please don't leave your baby to cry! http://www.news.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/04.09/ChildrenNeedTou.html

You are his WHOLE WORLD.

What will he learn from being ignored, except that he cannot trust you to meet his needs?

Get an Ergo, or a MeiTai and wear him on your back while you get stuff done.

I was a single mom with family 2500 miles away when my DD was little. Wearing her in a sling saved my sanity. For showers, I put her in a seat in or out of the tub and got a clear shower curtain.

Please don't expect your infant to be able to watch TV and entertain himself yet. That is no substitute for a mother's love.

http://www.continuum-concept.org/

Answer 10

Ignore the stuff you need to do and play with him.
He won't be little very long, enjoy him while he is wanting you.
It is just a phase and he will be over it soon.