I really like my new sister-in-law except for one GLARING flaw: she's CONSTANTLY giving the most OBVIOUS advice!! I mean, it really insults people's intelligence. She does it to everybody. It's like she takes pride in knowing everything there is to know about everything (except she really doesn't know all that much) and nobody knows ANYTHING but her. I really don't want to be rude. How should I react? Should I just not say anything, or is there a way to give her subtle hints? What can I do, outside of just smacking her upside the head!
2007-12-02 14:36:38 · 36 answers · asked by gniknus 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Just so you know, guys, this is UNSOLICITED advice that just strikes like a bolt out of the blue. I know enough not to tell her my problems! LOL!!
2007-12-02 14:54:25 · update #1
Maybe you could just say in a cheerful voice, "Yeah, I thought of that," or, "Yeah, I've heard that before." If you say it every time, she might give up on trying to advise you. She probably takes pride in feeling like she's being helpful, so she's trying too hard. Find something else about her that's great and compliment her on that to help her relax and see that you like her.
2007-12-02 14:40:42 · answer #1 · answered by Layla 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You know, you might want to hold off on the corporal punishment... She may not be all that bright, and she may think she has all the answers, but it's just as likely that since she's new to the family she's just trying to find a way in. I know from experience some families are harder to break into than others. If you've ever been the in-law you know it's a weird situation to be in - a member of the family, but one who has no defined role as yet, doesn't really know anybody all that well, and isn't known all that well by anyone else.
I may be totaly wrong here, but I think it might help the situation if you can find a way to include her in the family instead of alienating her. You said you like her, and you probably want your brother to be happy, so at least an attempt to pull her in is probably worth the effort.
Maybe ask her to work on some task with the other members of your family (preparing dinner, cleaning out the garage, shopping for holiday presents, etc.) so she feels included. Or purposely ask her opinion on part of a discussion so she feels like her input is desired and she doesn't have to try to insert herself in awkward ways. Or just sit with her awhile and ask what her family is like. It may be that this offering of suggestions is their way of showing they care.
Just befriending your SIL will make it easier to talk to her about the issue if it doesn't go away. Give it a try and if it doesn't work tell your brother to hit her upside the head.
2007-12-02 14:57:28 · answer #2 · answered by Chris C 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have 2 choices.
1. Endure it and live with it and hopefully you have the fortitude for the rest of you life that an annoying gnat is forever part of your life. Some people are very effective at long term toleration. I wish I could master it
2. Politely sit her down and do a diplomatic heart to heart.
Scenario:
I love almost everything about you because of these reasons (name them), but you have one annoying habit. I am afraid one day I will lose it and scream when I may be extra moody and embarass you and me. I want to avoid that.
The habit is you offering advice when it is not asked. I know you mean well and you have that "helper" personality and that is a great characteristic virtue. However, you sometimes offer it at the wrong times and the times when no one wants it. How about we agree you offer it when we point blank ask you? We can even use this as an indicator I am seeking your advice by saying, "Sis, I need your advice or Sis, what do you think?" I am saying this because I really love you and am so excited your my sis and I just don't want to end up this being a sore spot where I may eventually cringe being around you. Agreed?
End scenario
Offer lots of hugs and I love you. I have done my share of heart to hearts if I feared I may truly lose it.
2007-12-02 14:52:27 · answer #3 · answered by Miss Spicy Song Yung 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Next time she gives you some really obvious advice just look at her and say "err... well obviously..." maybe she will get the hint then?
Or you could tell her that her advice is really obvious and you were looking for something a bit more in depth?
Alternatively you can smack her upside the head, that might knock a few of her brain cells back into place which in turn would fix your problem :)
2007-12-02 14:41:01 · answer #4 · answered by kirstalina81 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Don't say anything, and when people ask advice when you and she are in the same room, give the advice you would want in return. This will hint to your sister-in-law that some people may not be as dumb as she would like to think. But if you want to keep this relationship from crumbling and, most likely, your relationship with your brother from crumbling, do not say anything outright or smack her. She could probably press charges.
2007-12-02 14:41:59 · answer #5 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hah, I don't really know how to help you. If you tried to hint it to her, she probably wouldn't get it, and when she did she would probably tweak out at you. People don't change easy, so just try not hang around her too much, and when you really must have to, then walk away from anything that annoys the hell out of you. Ignore her, but don't act like you hate her or there will be a family feud, and trust me you don't want that happening.
2007-12-02 14:41:25 · answer #6 · answered by leaha401 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't know how new she is. Maybe you could give her a bit of a break for a little while, she may have jitters and be nervous
about everyone accepting her and that may be her way of dealing with it. After you know her better you could spend a little one on one time with her and gently bring it up to her. My mother was one of those kind of people but I finally came to realize that she really was insecure and filled the time with"I am the best at everything" to cover up her insecurities.
2007-12-02 14:42:48 · answer #7 · answered by plaplant8 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your loving husband should handle his loving sister, not you his precious wife. Ignore her, just walk away and maybe she will get the hint after a couple of years, lol. Just do not give her any ammunition to throw at you or engage in conversation with the mental patients, lol. Be nice and walk away always.
2007-12-02 14:53:12 · answer #8 · answered by rosa 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Say this: "The family really likes you, and especially I like you....except for one thing....you have got to stop with all the advise alright already" then just laugh and say "I'll let you know when I need your opinion and it's good to know that you want to help....but actually it makes life more interesting for me to try and work things out for myself, O.K.?" Make sure she says O.K. back to you....if she doesn't, then say "O.K.?" again while looking closely into her eyes. When she say O.K. then you say "well, now that that is settled, let's have some fun......anybody need any advice" then laugh your head off and give her a hug. Bet you she will laugh too. Good luck !
2007-12-02 14:43:21 · answer #9 · answered by Gottaloveher 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she is new to the family maybe she is just nervous and talking about things she obviously don't give much thought into what she is saying. hopefully she will get more comfortable and bite her toungue alittle more if not keep a spoon full of peanut butter around and shove it in her mouth when she goes to talk. good luck
2007-12-02 14:42:25 · answer #10 · answered by Lisa J 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋