before u guys chew me up on this one.Let me explain....We were best friends before this.I wasn't happy .I filed for a divorce long before this affair.His wife relly doesn't treat him well.We would sit and talk about our mates.And yes I fell in love.He made me feel like I was somebody.We had this relationship for 2 years.He told me last Sept he was going to tell his wife he was seeing someone & wanted a divorce.And he did..Though all of this he called me 10 & 15 times aday telling me he wanted me in his life And wanted us to raise his daughter together.When he told his wife he wanted the divorce.She told him if he left her he wouldn't even get their daughter on the weekends.He hasn't had sex with the wife in 2 years.And I know thats true{long story dealing with the sex thing} anyways he now calls me and tells me he still loves me & still wants us to be together..But the wife has him over a barrel.Shes really big in her church..Guys what do u think?
2007-12-02 14:15:57 · 35 answers · asked by PATRICIA S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Let me say first i know how you feel. I have the same problem.It first started 5 years ago when I first saw him. It was one of those moments that your heart starts beating really fast and you don't know what to say. I never saw him again untill a year later. He tried to say hi but it was the wrong time for me to talk with him. After another 2 years I found him again and we did start talking this time. He told me he was married and just wanted to do this for fun. Over time we have grown to love each other in a way know one would ever understand but us. He left his wife but then got back with her cause of the children he told me he couldn't see me any more and that it was not my fault. A month later we were back together and we still are. I guess what i'm trying to say is things happen for a certain reason and it's our job to find out that reason. Just hold on if it's ment to be things will work out in the end.Good luck!!
2007-12-03 12:57:36 · answer #1 · answered by flyressa 3 · 0⤊ 4⤋
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2016-05-05 15:49:05 · answer #2 · answered by Audra 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He would have to pay child support and perhaps spousal support if he got a divorce.He would get visitation rights with his child.So don't let that line fool you.He just doesn't want to do any of this as, he has you anyway,even if it is on the side.You will never be completely happy having to always live like this with him.Never being together at the times you need him the most, will hurt too much.You will have to make the choice of living the way things are or get out of the affair as you have no gains by doing it his way.Only heartache
2007-12-02 14:37:13 · answer #3 · answered by mamaw2305 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Having an affiar with a married man is an emotional minefield and there are no easy answers. Still, I will reply to your question with two words: End it!
Have you ever talked it his wife about their situation? If not you are taking him at his word, and the word of a married man in this situation is not one I would trust.
f you try to walk away, he will try to reel you in. He can keep you in place by constantly putting you off. You’ll be waiting until the kids go to summer camp, enter high school, finish college, move out of the house, etc.
Often, people having affairs aren’t trying to be overtly manipulative - they simply want both spouse and mistress. As the saying goes, they want to have their cake and eat it, too.
It is up to you to take action. Because he won't, unless forced. Actually, his excuses for not leaving his wife are making a strong statement, but you're not listening. He's saying that he prefers not to leave his family for you, and so he won’t be doing it.
It is excruciating to relinquish someone you love, but a married man is not a good long-term romantic prospect for you. This applies no matter how much in love you are. Being swept away by the excitement of an affair means you fail to ask the important questions you would otherwise ask: Do you have plenty in common? Do you share future goals? Do you agree on whether to have children together? Do you really get along without the heightened drama of being the “other woman”?
It is up to you to decide not to tolerate this situation. Tell him, “I love me more than you love me,” and find a man who is willing and able to be yours alone.
The bottom line is that it’s common for a person having an affair to string someone along with vague promises. Don’t expect him to change the status quo. You must be the one to do so.
I hope this helps.
Sharon
2007-12-02 14:33:19 · answer #4 · answered by schmoo_withazing 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
He's lying to you.
First - it wouldn't matter what the wife said - a judge would give him visitation with his kids....she would have to live with it.
He wants you to be "the other woman" on the side. He will tell you whatever he can think of that would make you stay with him. He will tell her whatever she wants to hear to keep her from divorcing him.
So how do I know? My ex-husband did it to me. And my ex-boyfriend did it as well. I was married for 18 years, then divorced. My boyfriend was married 9 years, before we hooked up...he "couldn't leave the kids"......
I am now single and only date men who are not married, attached or even recently broken up with someone.
It took me a long time to realize that I deserved someone better than the guys I normally went for...now that I know that, I have found that the quality of men in my life are a lot more better.
2007-12-02 14:25:18 · answer #5 · answered by Wendy 3 · 6⤊ 0⤋
That is the lamest excuse! And I am so sick of hearing it, all of the mistresses have the same exact story, and each one believes it more than the next. Get a grip! First of all, you can't not presume to know what goes on btw a man and his wife, no matter what he has told you that is just one side to the story. And even she doens't treat him the way he needs to be, telling you won't help the situation, You can not fix his marriage or his life! Trust me! Then on top of that, why would you or him, think that his wife was going to let you and him raise her child? Who in the hell is that delusional? You think she wants you any where near her daughter, with your high morals? I think not, and where was all this concern for his daughter when he was creeping with you? He should have been trying to be the type of man, his daughter can look up too, admire and want to marry. Instead he is spending time justifying why he cheats on her mother and her. Please stop being so damm delustional, and get a freakin grip. Your story ain't original, we heard this yesterday. from another pathetic tramp!
2007-12-02 14:24:34 · answer #6 · answered by Mrs.G-unit 4 · 7⤊ 1⤋
merely think of the priority wherein your spouse and her husband is making plans an identical situation and that supplies you your answer. Stand lower back and take a glance at your existence. Why the shortcoming of pastime on your contemporary spouse? what's it approximately this different lady that makes you think of you like her? Is it merely the exhilaration of the "forbidden fruit"? Why did you marry your spouse interior the 1st place? i'm advantageous you enjoyed her, or theory you probably did. you merely ought to confirm which it replaced into. in case you in actual fact enjoyed her, then deep down interior someplace you nevertheless do. in the experience that your reasons for marrying her have been some thing different than love, than think of approximately what they have been and if the circumstances are distinctive now, you ought to evaluate them. This married lady which you "love", do you forsee that changing interior the destiny besides? in case you do, or think of there is even the possibility of it, then you certainly probable shouldn't pursue something along with her. You the two have lots to lose, and whether that's on a threat, is it relatively properly worth it? i think of you have lots to think of approximately.
2016-10-18 22:22:33 · answer #7 · answered by staude 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that it is wrong to have a relationship with a married man...but in this kind of situation it goes both ways. No matter what he will be able to see his daughter unless he is abusive and doesn't support her. The state wont give her full custody just because he wants a divorce. It happens everyday! He needs to choose you or his wife. There is obviously a little bit of a connection with them if he has not left yet. Maybe he thinks they will be able to save it deep down. You need to tell him straight up that you love him and want him in your life, but you can't continue to live being the mistress. I know this is probablly hard for both of you, but if he cares for you he will leave his wife and go to court and fight for his daughter. Would he consider leaving his wife if you were no in the picture? If not then let him go and try to work his marriage out, but if there are no feelings there he needs to get out before it turns ugly. Good luck.
2007-12-02 14:23:17 · answer #8 · answered by Sadbrowneyes13 4 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Sounds to me like you are STUPID!!! As long as he paid child support, he could see his daughter. He isn't getting a divorce because he doesn't WANT one! If you really cared about him, you'd leave him alone and stop tearing his family apart.
And, by the way, there is no explanation for having an affair with a married man. You can give all of the details you want, it still doesn't make it right.
2007-12-02 14:32:43 · answer #9 · answered by ncgirl 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Did you ever think if you were not pointing out all of the negatives in your marriage he could have been focusing on the positives in his! It is a proven fact when someone complains to you all of the time you then find stuff to complain about in return. Leave him alone there is no way she could keep him from seeing his doughter and it was wrong for him to say he wanted you to raise her souunds to me like she already has a mom.
2007-12-02 14:23:01 · answer #10 · answered by tengleking23 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋