Can anyone tell me what they think of this conclusion of my essay.
If you had to rate it what would u rate from 1 out of 4?
1 is lowest.
4 is highest.
Please help my grammer also.
I had always heard your entire life flashes infront of your eyes the second before your die. Now that one second can come anytime in your life because life is too short. If you waste it on society conflicts, you wouldn't be able to enjoy your life the way your entitled too. Problems can never be resolved because a problem is like an ocean which is connected to many other oceans and they circle your life like a moon rotating around the earth. What I have learned from the movie American Beauty is that no matter what kind of an enviornment your surrounded by, you have to enjoy your life to the fullest and not waste any second of it. Because before your even know your life line gets cut forever.
2007-12-02 13:31:38 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ History
1. grammar, not "grammer."
2. Sentence 1 - have, not "had." You, not "your."
3. Sentence 2 - could, not "can."
4. Sentence 3 - society's conflicts, or the conflicts of society, not "society conflicts." "You are, not "your."
5. Sentence 4 - use commas, avoid a run-on sentence.
6. Sentence 5 - 'American Beauty,' you are not "your."
7. Sentence 6 - Try: "You never know when your life-line will be cut," not "Because before you even.....forever."
This is not a History question. In addition, I am afraid with all those errors in grammar, punctuation, and spelling - I would rate it 1.
2007-12-02 13:46:31 · answer #1 · answered by WMD 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
It is said that your life flashes before your eyes during the seconds before you die. Therefore, if you waste time on society conflicts, you wouldn't be able to enjoy your life the way your entitled too. Problems will always be around, they encircle us like an ocean which is connected to many other oceans and they rotate around us like the moon rotating around the earth. In the movie, American Beauty, I learned that no matter what kind of an environment you are surrounded by, you have to enjoy your life to the fullest and not waste any second of it, as before you know it your life could end before you expect. Then it's too late to do those things you wanted to do but never got around to doing.
Note: I rate this a 4 as it certainly makes me think as I tend to put things off that I want to do. I have also given you a star for an interesting question.
2007-12-02 21:43:26 · answer #2 · answered by Gottaloveher 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before your die. Now that one second can come anytime in your life because life is too short. If you waste it on social conflicts, you wouldn't be able to enjoy your life the way you're entitled too. Problems can never be resolved because a problem is like an ocean which is connected to many other oceans and they circle your life like a moon rotating around the earth. What I have learned from the movie American Beauty is that no matter what kind of an enviornment you're surrounded by, you have to enjoy your life to the fullest and not waste any second of it. Because before you even know, your life line gets cut forever.
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your is wrong, it's you're (as in 'you are')...I give it a 3
2007-12-02 21:39:10 · answer #3 · answered by Tracker 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
had = have
infront = in front
enviornment = environment
your = you are
Not to be harsh, but I would give it a 1. I'd refine it a bit and try and make it tie together more as right now it doesn't seem very coherent. If you rewrite it I'd take out the part about problems being like an ocean. It's a nice comparison but doesn't seem to fit here. I'd start off with something more like this:
What I have learned from the movie American Beauty is that you must enjoy your life to the fullest no matter what kind of environment you are surrounded by. Life is short and should be enjoyed, not wasted on society conflicts.
And then add sentences in.
2007-12-02 21:47:54 · answer #4 · answered by KatieK 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would give you a 1 because you do have some mechanical errors.
It has a couple of what I call "glittering generalities," meaning it has too many similies (using "like" or "as").
Example: "problems can never be resolved because a problem is like an ocean which is connected to many other oceans and they circle your life like a moon rotating around the earth." There are too many of them and they are connected to one another. It also doesn't make any sense; some problems CAN be resolved. I don't see the connection between unresolved issues and oceans circling around my life.
I would take this to your teacher and ask if he/she can look it over for you before you make your final draft. Clean it up and it will look like a solid 4.
Oh, by the way, this should be in the homework help section, not the history section.
2007-12-02 22:08:27 · answer #5 · answered by chrstnwrtr 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
4
2007-12-02 21:34:13 · answer #6 · answered by Mery 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
wow that is deep well i give it a 4 if it went to 10 u would get a 10
2007-12-02 21:36:11 · answer #7 · answered by raaaaaa 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋