Has been having an affair with my "best" friend for the past 4. We have been together for 12 years, since I was 16 and we have 2 wonderful daughters together. He is deployed right now and even though I confronted him (via email) two weeks ago, he is YET to even call. I am just wondering if there are any good self-help type books that can help me to move on (WITHOUT him...I am not staying with him so none about overcoming it in a marriage) and not become bitter and angry. I have two daughters to think of and I would like to be able to move on and give them a good life.
Thanks in advance.....
2007-12-02 12:55:51 · 19 answers · asked by alk24238 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
That's past 4 YEARS....
2007-12-02 12:56:21 · update #1
OH! Sweet heart, you poor sweety.
I am so sorry. But I am SO glad to hear you say that u r leaving him! (OF COURSE) Follow through and teach your kids that cheating is NOT acceptable by leaving this ******** (sorry but he is). You sound smart, lovely and WILL successfully move on. Forget the books, Start seeing a counsellor immediately annd focus your sessions on not the negetive experience he put you thru, but how you are GOING TO now move into a positive new future and focus on building your self esteem up and being happy and positive 4 u and your kids.
It goes without sayying that u should (today) file for divorce, don't even give him the respect of telling him, and NEVER speak to your so called "best friend" ever again (except maybe to say "What goes around comes around honey..."
2007-12-02 13:03:11 · answer #1 · answered by Renesme 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Hopefully, you can draw strength from family & close friends, as you prepare to make a new life for your daughters & you. It won't be easy but you can do it. I know what you're going through, having experienced the ultimate betrayal myself after twenty two years of marriage. Go to your local library & ask for self help books for the situation you are in right now. Wal*Mart has lots of self help books too, so you might want to look there. Your husband won't contact you because he's been caught. He has nothing to say that's worthwhile anyway. Right? I'm sorry that you're going through this pain, but you will be a much stronger person when all is said & done. Please see a lawyer right away & get the ball rolling. I wish you the best!
2007-12-02 13:14:38 · answer #2 · answered by Shortstuff13 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First of all right now i would be hurt also if my best friend and husband had affair together and i just found out about it.
You have been together along time and things happen and peoples feelings change oh well get over it. You called your husband and confronted him and he hasn't return your calls than it true and there is nothing you can do. You have two kids together and he is deployed right now you didn't confront him face to face than that would make a difference i am not a marriage counselor and cant tell you what to do if you have two children together and think that it would be in the best intereest of your children to end your marraiage that is up to you. If your not in love with him than it is your choice not mines.
best of luck
2007-12-02 13:12:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
it would be a bad injustice to an already afflicted 8 year previous to easily deliver him off with strangers for 5 days. i comprehend your husband is the daddy yet to one yet another the youngster and your husband are digital strangers. that's not something a mom who had her youngster's terrific activity at heart might even evaluate and that i don't think of you and your husband could the two. I accept as true with the different respondent who reported the two one among them could initiate slowly with short visits until some variety of dad son dating has started to enhance. I agree which you and your baby could stay out of the image interior the commencing up. I additionally think of it would be a mistake so you might instigate any communique with the mum. this is your husband's subject to clean up and your interference will basically make issues worse. finding on how issues artwork out would be certain once you become in contact. If I have been your husband, in the present day, below no situations might I enable the youngster spend the night, his maladjusted mom would desire to easily take off and flow away the youngster with your husband. He could be very careful in this occasion for the boy's sake and for his kinfolk's sake. If this lady needed your husband in contact in his son's existence she does not have waited until he became 8 and having behavioral issues. She has performed a locate job of doing each little thing incorrect in elevating her son, who never asked for any of this.
2016-11-13 07:53:00 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What kind of proof do you have that there was an affair? If your "best" friend told you, how do you know she wasn't lying? Also, if your hubby's deployed, he may not have regular access to a computer and e-mail, even if he's had regular access in the past. You know, they go out on missions sometimes.
You shouldn't have confronted him via e-mail. If you have solid proof (like your "best" friend provided you with photos or videos of the two of them doing the deed) then at least wait until he's home and continue collecting his tax exempt paycheck.
If you have anything less than what I mentioned above (photos or videos) then you have either somebody's word or circumstantial evidence.
Now, did this really go on for four years and you didn't have a clue? If you have solid proof and you're leaving the hubby, I hope you're leaving the best friend too.
Best wishes to you. By the way, if you DO have solid proof, you can have him prosecuted for adultery (by the military). Just realize that if he gets kicked out or busted in rank you won't get as much alimony/child support. If your "best" friend is in the military too, you can have them both prosecuted for adultery.
2007-12-02 13:12:41 · answer #5 · answered by kyeri y 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Yes i think your children will look up to you in the future when they find out and gaurenteed they won't let a man treat them like your husband has treated you... Your hubby is a pu#sy and needs to get some balls but cause he has none you should tell him it over... The best book to read is "it's called a break up becasue it's broken" and "A girls guide to surviving a break-up" they made me feel so much stronger whilst getting over my break up... well and truley a girls best friend and a bit of a laugh too. Good luck
2007-12-02 13:05:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I liked "Love Must Be Tough" by James Dobson when I was going through my husband's unfaithfulness and divorce. It helps you with tough love and helps you to see that there is a light at the end of this tunnel and good things can still come from your life. It is a bit religious, but if you don't mind this, I highly recommend the book. He knows what he's talking about when it comes to these unfaithful spouses.
2007-12-02 13:01:49 · answer #7 · answered by Sassie 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I am sorry to hear that some best friend. Any way you know God has answers for every thing pray he will be there for you i am sure you are hurting but ask God to help you get thought life with out him because you have kids and i pray fr the best for you and God bless
2007-12-02 13:05:51 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You don't need a book to tell you what to do. You're capable of making your own decisons. You decided to leave the cheater. That's a great start right there.
2007-12-02 13:06:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yea! Don't pee on me and tell me it's raining! Judge Judy
You know what you have to do. he is a pig, and your ex best friend is a tramp.
Go to his CO, tell him what happened, no matter what he says file for divorce, and get the support you need for your kids.
Good luck
2007-12-02 13:05:05 · answer #10 · answered by lynnn30 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋