I asked him to go to the fair with me and my daughter (who is not his). He said he would go but plans had to be changed cause I had to watch my brother’s kids for a while so since we couldn’t go at the original time he said he wasn’t going with us. He chooses to go to the fair that very night, get drunk and hang with his old girl friend. She brought him home at 3 am completely wasted. Over the next 2 days he tried to convince me to leave him that he was worthless and I could do better. After a week and many tearful moments I told him “this is what I need from you, I need you be a loving and respectful husband and step dad to my daughter” He told me he couldn’t do that. I said fine and moved out. It has been 4 months that I haven’t lived with him during those months he was such a jerk. I told him I needed some time apart to clear my head and become me. He needed to do the same and decide what was important in his life. He took that time to harass me, stalk me, party and constantly ask
2007-12-02 12:43:17 · 17 answers · asked by Katie 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
me when I was filing for divorce. The day he called me a stupid B*tch a bunch of times. That he didn’t love me and hated me. And he didn’t want to work on things. This was because I didn’t want to work on things right at that moment. I needed some space. He didn’t talk to me for 2 weeks after that. When he told me he hated me and didn’t love me I said fine I am DONE. When he decided to talk to me again he says that he is changing and he has found God and is sorry for everything. While we were together he had an anger problem and didn’t treat my daughter like his. He treated her like an inconvenience. Now he says he loves her and me and is sorry. I tell him I am done being hurt and will not put my child thru all the crap again. So what should I do? Try to trust him again? Has he really changed? (I have seen no real signs just his words) Should I file for divorce or just wait for a while to see what happens? What should I do??
2007-12-02 12:44:18 · update #1
Your mind is telling you something that your heart does not want to accept. Your mind is fed up, but your heart is not and it is telling your brain to hang on. Actions speak louder than words, and you really can't judge a person by their actions until you have seen the change in their actions for about three months, maybe more.
He appears to have some problems, and perhaps addiction. He is very volatile and unpredictable, or you would not have taken the steps to seek a divorce. Your child needs to be protected from being exposed to people who are so unbalanced, so use your heart as a gage to protect your daughter, and use your brain as your gage to protect you both.
Your brain will let you know whether he is trustworthy and stable through his actions. Your daughter needs to see Mommy be strong and teach her how to put her foot down, and how to walk away from people who are not nice, or unbalanced, because she is watching and learning from the person she loves and trusts most, you. The answer to your question resides inside your answer to these questions: If your daughter were in this situation, what would you want her to do, and what would you do for her?
2007-12-03 04:56:37 · answer #1 · answered by Lisa 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
File for divorce ---that will tell you if he changed. If he flips out and starts yelling and stalking and threatening again then you know he has not changed one bit.
I would bet a ton of money he has not changed. He is just trying one more things (the threats didn't work so now this). His type of issues do not go away overnight --- he can not be cured. IF he really wanted help he might be able to be rehabilitated over a long time. Problem is people that act like this blame everyone else so they never get to that.
You are close to being able to put this chapter behind you --- don't look back, stand your ground and head for the light ;>)
2007-12-02 20:55:29 · answer #2 · answered by George 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Maybe its more a question of whether you have changed. Its all very well to wonder if he has changed, but Im sure the time apart has seen a few changes in yourself. You obviously want more for yourself and your daughter....thats the reason you moved out. He told you he hated you and that would have hurt. You have been on an emotional roller coaster with him for quite a while.....so that cant be forgotten just because he claims he found God. If you love him, I guess you can try, but I certainly wouldnt be moving back in with him. I would be giving him a good 12 months to see if he has really changed. In saying that however, do you really want to chance the heartache again? This is your life too and you have to do what is right for you and your daughter. He may have changed....but maybe you changed more.
2007-12-02 20:51:28 · answer #3 · answered by rightio 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You are already apart, why put your daughter through going back and then leaving again? File your paperwork and IF he proves he has changed, then you can stop the procedings later but don't hold your breath. Everyone finds God when things are going wrong or bad but no one seems to find Him when things are going good. Why is that?
Bottom line, agree with him and find someone better.
2007-12-02 21:00:59 · answer #4 · answered by baseballdad69 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why is it that they always find God and then want us to believe that somehow that changes things? You have to go by his actions and stop listening to his words. When he proves that somehow God has really changed him, then you two can get back together, but refuse to allow him to yo yo your daughter around. I don't think he knows how to be good to you or any other woman, to be real honest, and don't let him guilt you into anything because he found God. They all find God. Even the most awful prisoners find God. I want to see the change and so does God.
2007-12-02 20:52:27 · answer #5 · answered by Sassie 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
File for a divorce. Don't teach your daughter to accept this kind of behavior from a man. Words are not enough to win your trust back.
2007-12-02 20:54:58 · answer #6 · answered by DC 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry I would file. He sound like he is using god to try to get you back. All that sh*it he was telling you, girl I can only image. Out screwing in old girlfriend, telling you he hates you, he don't love you....girl fuc* him
move on you have a precious daughter to worry about not a man
2007-12-02 20:51:16 · answer #7 · answered by Babygurl 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you need to file for divorce, and get divorced.
I think his "clean up women" dumped him.
If this man has an anger issue, was not a good step-dad. then he his not worth your time.
Do you want your little girl to grow up in a home feeling like she is taking up space? or for her to grow up in a home with a man who does not respect her or her mother? what kind of man you think she will end up with?
You are doing the right thing. move on.
Lot of luck to you
2007-12-02 20:59:15 · answer #8 · answered by lynnn30 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say it but if you got back together things would be great in the begining...but after a month or two it would go back to normal. It takes alot longer then 2 weeks to change.
2007-12-02 20:50:52 · answer #9 · answered by tengleking23 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to file for divorce. He's not going to change and he could end up physically hurting your daughter. He's already hurting her emotionally and mentally. She's your main responsibility and if you can't make the right decision for your sake, make it for hers.
2007-12-02 21:01:52 · answer #10 · answered by tawniemarie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋