In-Laws: How long do you have to put up with them?

Question

I have been married for nine years and have two children with my husband. His family hates me because none of them have ever had a happy relationship and they see he is happy. I am more than 10 years older than he is, and this is a constant source of fun-making for them- to him. He has asked them to stop, but they can't stand me. I have bent over backwards for them - great presents, family meals, etc. In all of these years, they still have nothing kind to say about me. I am more educated and more refined, and I think this is another reason for their insecurity with me. I am ready to write them off.

Answer 1

They havent had any reasons to stop because no one is doing anything about it enough to make them want to stop. You have to think of what it is they would miss out on enough to finally grow up. I think your kids seeing you let them treat you like a doormat is a bad thing for them also. If you were my wife I would have written them off long before this because I dont believe in exposing my family to abuse no matter who it is.

Answer 2

They might feel insecure around you. Stop bending over backwards and just be yourself. If they give you a load of crap, tell them enough. Talk with your husband and tell him that you would like him to either defend you and send them packing or let you defend yourself and stand by you when you do it. Regardless of whether you've meant to do anything or not, maybe they feel that you are shoving your education and being more refined in their faces. It could be that they just have no self worth, and the only way to feel value, is by putting others down. Who knows-they will never acknowledge it probably so your best revenge is to live a happy life with your husband and children.

Answer 3

I've been married 7 years and have 2 children. My husband in-laws are probably worse than yours. Every time we have a get together they pop off some nasty comment about me. And they once told me that my family doesn't matter. After this long I realized life was short and I don't want to have to put up with assholes my whole life. I told my husband that. He agreed. He really didn't know what had gotten into them but was ashamed that they thought it was appropriate to act like that. Now we don't visit. Not on Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, you name it.

I'm a good mom and try my hardest to give my family a good life and I'm not about to subject my children to their hate and cruelness. I am not about to let my children be subject to them anymore. I don't want them growing up thinking that talking down to someone is appropriate.

Answer 4

Go ahead. If your hubby has no objections.
You really do not need these kind of people in your life. Your kids should not have to learn how to be mean from family.
If they do not love your husband enough to accept that he is happy with you, then they
should not be around you. You both have put up with too much. Let them have their
unhappiness and keep them away from you and your family. You can always tell them ( or your hubby) that when they change their attitude and apologise, you will be glad to have them as family again.

Answer 5

What's important here is your relationship with your husband. He must feel very unhappy to know that his family dislikes the woman he chose to marry; so you two have to talk things over and you have to make him understand that you have really tried for many years to change things but that you are now tired.

Make him see that you love and trust him; and that you wish things were different; so he doesn't feel like it's his fault his family is so rude to you.

If you two act as a team, then chances are his family will have to accept his choice.

Try to live your life without them and their negative influence around you.( Toxic people are unhappy and want others to be just as unhappy as they are.)

Answer 6

You do just that if your not respected and loved by now you wont be don't bend over backwards for them treat them as they treat u and ur husband should understand your only human and can only take so much.

Answer 7

As long as he loves you, it really don't matter to much what they think. I am sure it hurts his feelings for them to treat him and you the way that they do and sooner or later he will get fed up enough to write them off himself. You know how I know that? I have dealt with the same thing for the past nine years, although my in-laws have gone as far as to tell lies to the both of us, you know the he said, she said stuff to try and get us to fight to boot. It used to work, now neither one of us talk to any of them and we are very very happy!
It is okay for you to write them off, if he is not ready, that is his choice, don't stand in the way of whatever he trys to have with them, he will know they are the only ones trying to destroy one of his relationships, not you and he will respect you for that in the long run.
Good luck and hang in there!

Answer 8

In your situation, the holidays must be like a research format.....watching the missing links in action, like crap hurling monkey's.

Since they have the intelligence of a cornflake, I would insult them with KNOWLEDGE. That's right.....try and have an intelligent conversation with them and let it blow up in front of their own faces. It will show them that you are more superior then they will feel uncomfortable and want to leave.

Answer 9

Sorry to tell you but I doubt that they will ever change. You are right. They are jealous and petty. Keeping making your husband and children happy and ignore them!

Answer 10

My in-laws love me but I find them so annoying! I feel bad that I feel this way but I really don't like seeing them too often. They're very family oriented, they like to be in each other's business and I hate that. They always have something to say and I really don't want to hear it. I constantly tell my husband to tell them to back off but it's like he's afraid to tell his mom off. If he doesn't do it soon then I will!!