I have a great boyfriend, he's never done me wrong, he's always looking out for me and telling me how much he love's me, but somehow that annoys me. I secretly hate it how is such a nice person ... I just hate it. I try to start arguments with him and he just DOES NOT get mad. I've called him every name in the book, insulted him, insulted his family (not directly to them, I just say sh!t about his parents, sister, etc) and when I do that he just goes "why are you being like that? why are you mad at me?".
I am always starting arguments with him, I try to push him as far as I can. I want to see him mad, but it never happens and that only makes ME more mad. Why am I like this? Why do I want to ruin my relationship? Do I have some sort of problem?
2007-12-02 10:51:10 · 11 answers · asked by Ruby Girl 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Michele, it would be nice if you could actually give me more details instead of basically labeling me as retarded.
2007-12-02 10:57:35 · update #1
FFS, I don't have borderline personality disorder... I'm very secure in my personality, its my attitude towards others that I have issues with.
2007-12-02 11:08:11 · update #2
Yes, this is a problem. You need to get to the bottom of it before you sabotage all your significant relationships. Psychotherapy is the way to go here.
[edit] Wow. Interesting response there you added. I suspect your comment (and the description of the boyfriend issue) mirrors your other social relationships. You're likely a black-and-white (all-or-nothing) thinker, overly dramatic/histrionic, impulsive in one or more areas of your life (e.g., self injury, shoplifiting, sexual acting out), and extremely manipulative. Very interesting, indeed. Yes, given your additional comments (particularly the one immediately discounting BPD as a possibility whilst having no idea what it is) I'd say there is about a 95% chance that what you're dealing with here is called Borderline Personality Disorder (possibly with a few other choice cluster B traits thrown in for good measure).
2007-12-02 10:55:15 · answer #1 · answered by michele 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I didn't see where Michele called you retarded or even implied such a thing. When we do anything that interferes with our life it indicates to us that we need to see about working on it and changing it. It sounds to me that this is interfering with your life.
Somewhere along the way you picked up the idea that this is the way to behave with a boyfriend. Do you do it with others?
The only way to stop this sort of thing is to talk with someone who will help you explore how and when this started. Do you have some sort of problem? No, no more than the rest of us. It's just a quirky way to behave and it will sabotage good relationships in the future and I know you don't want that to continue. None of us can answer why you are like this. It will take some therapy to unravel it and a lot of us have spent many hours in therapy so trust us when we suggest you see someone.
Good luck.
2007-12-02 11:34:19 · answer #2 · answered by RandomAct 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You hate him because he is nice because you are not nice and you want to be on the same page as him. So instead of you changing and becoming a nice person, you are trying to turn him into a mean person like yourself. (which is why you push his buttons) You dont really like to start arguments, you just want everyone to be in the same place as you. Its not a bad thing, but your way of going about it is bad.
I suggest you try to be nicer and everytime you feel like arguing, stop yourself and say something nice instead. Even if its something totally ridiculous...like lets say you guys are talking about a movie that he liked and you didnt and he tells you that it was such a great movie. In your head you will be screaming to tell him how stupid he is for liking that movie but instead say something off the wall, like "You know you have beautiful eyes" Doesnt even matter if makes sense at the time to say it, just so long as its a nice thing. Otherwise if you dont change, you are not growing as a person and you will find that you will just get more and more frustrated at people all the time.
Good luck to you.
2007-12-02 11:27:08 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your self esteem is low and maybe how you grew up and interacted with others had an affect on you. It seems like you don't think you CAN be happy and want to take down everyone that's happy around you. You are combative. Do you feel like someone can't possibly love you? If you do, then you don't love yourself. Having someone who refuses to argue with you is someone very special. Don't lose that and get some counseling before you lose this wonderful person. Most boyfriends would have left you already. You need to find self-control and why you feel the need to argue or fight. You doctor should always rule out any physical problems and then refer you to counseling so you can learn self worth and how to accept love unconditionally. Good luck and I think your boyfriend will help you through this if you are sincere about getting help and making a big effort. Take that leap of faith!
2007-12-02 11:06:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look to the relationship with your parents or father figure. You are the best person to figure it out. Try not doing it and see what happens.
Molly had a father that wanted to have nothing to do with her. She liked a guy who liked her. She went on a trip with him and treated him just like you treated your bf but much worse. So he did not want to ever see her again.
2007-12-02 11:06:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with you. you are trying to find out how far you can push him and what you can get away with. well i guess it's normal for a toddler or a teenager. you should feel lucky that you have a Boyfriend that endures that kind of punishment, and I hope that you see that you have one of the few good ones left.
2007-12-02 11:00:09 · answer #6 · answered by bigchomper27 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely, There is a condition called "Bi-Polar" I would check into that.
I think that you take complete advantage of him.
What happenes when you are being so rude, then he snaps at you and comes to his senses to leave you? Or do you think you have that much control over him he would never do that?
Also, if you do care about him, why would you want to intentionally hurt them? That amazes me.
people are in a relationship because they "make each other a better person" and all you are doing is putting him down. Not nice at all!!!!
I think you seriously need to get it together. If he is "too nice" to you, then break up with him so he can be "too nice" to someone that will appreciate him.
2007-12-02 11:04:05 · answer #7 · answered by LuvMyMarine 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You must have been reared in a combattive home!? Intimacy seems to come from inciting rage??? GO GET SOME GOOD THERAPY!! It will be well worth to see from where you were spawned!! You are worth the expense and time to explore your formation!!!! Otherwise, you are lifely to find someone who wants, also to fight, and you're into an abusive relationship!! EXPLORE YOURSELF!!! Your future counts upon that!!!
2007-12-02 11:04:50 · answer #8 · answered by Martell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You suffer from a distorted view of manhood: ie, strong is combative. You are frustrated with him because he is weak. This is why he appeals to you. You appeal to him because of your rudeness. Normally that is not tollerable . You can't stand him because he can't stand up to you. If he ever does, he won't appeal to you because you want to control. A truly strong man won't be.
In your present mode of behavior you're a mismatch. Sorry.
2007-12-02 16:58:11 · answer #9 · answered by LELAND 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes you do have a problem your a relationship killer if you dont want to lose this person wake up stop the **** and be happy. but what you have is called a compulsive disorder
2007-12-02 11:02:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋