the issue I am having is I make 10-15 grand more than he does. He will constantly talk about work, and he volunteers for extra work, and there is no way they will give him a higher position soon. It’s been a battle with us ever since we got together. We both work for the same company, and I always feel like the company is always going to come before me. He is determined to move up, which I really don't think will happen. He decided to take on an overnight shift for two months, and of course this is killing things. I have lost my sex drive, having more panic and depression that I have had in months. I also took a week of leave to try to fix things. He didn’t take any time off at all. I do most of the cleaning and yardwork on my own. I feel really alone, and at this point I am considering a divorce. I am trying to schedule to see a counselor, just wish he would take the initiative to do it first. When he tries to get close to me, I don't want to be near. What can I do? :(
2007-12-02 10:26:39 · 22 answers · asked by WTF?? 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
And I also work 40 hours a week as well, in a very stressful job.
2007-12-02 10:27:13 · update #1
Thank you for all your help, I know there has to be others out there like this to.
2007-12-02 10:27:37 · update #2
I have been so supportive over the past 3 years!! He is so stressed and brings all the stress home with him. I pleaded with him to check other positions, and he won't even try. We work in the same departments and I know the political BS that goes on, he has a chance to move up just not where he is right now. He is smart, and driven. There is only so much one person can take
2007-12-02 10:36:16 · update #3
Sorry just one more, another man in my thoughts hasn't even crossed my mind. If things don't work out, I plan on living alone and taking care of me
2007-12-02 10:39:53 · update #4
We don't discuss the income that much. I don't talk about it at all, he gets really irritable whenever finances come up. ( simple things like balancing the checkbook) I just feel really exhausted, I work 4 tens, then on my days off I am cooking, cleaning, laundry. I am going to hire a gardner and cleaning person to come once a month. Why the hell not? Just feel so tired and sluggish. I think I need a pedicure. I could care less what he makes really, I just hate the fact he lives and breathes this company. He brings it home, and will do just about anything to take on more work. I kind of feels like he thrives on the work drama and when stuff breaks there.
2007-12-02 13:18:16 · update #5
Oh and I have been wanting to work part time or not at all when we have kids. I would be so content staying home and taking care of our house and cooking and cleaning :) Its the job I have and plus all the womens duties that tires me. How do some of your gals do it?
2007-12-02 13:19:49 · update #6
I know you have gotten lots of opinions on this. Here's my only advice, I hope you take heed of it.
Get "The Divorce Remedy" by Michele Weiner Davis. This book is going to help you. Trust me. Once you have finished the book you will find a way to feel better about all this. Let me know how it goes...
2007-12-02 10:39:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You said this has been a battle "since you got together" meaning you married him accepting this was how things would be. Let him get close to you.
As far as the cleaning goes, I do most of it, and my husband works on cars and such.
Why did you mention you make more than he does? Does it bother you that you make more, and he works more at a lesser income? You said it was an issue YOU were having, not that HE'S having. Perhaps if it wouldn't bother you that you were making more than he is, maybe things would be better.
Marriage counseling is the answer. One thing you can be thankful for is at least your husband works. There are many women on here who have married lazy bums. And 2 month night shift is nothing. It's short term, so you will survive.
2007-12-02 11:06:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
J.S. Dear it is a pride thing. Men are supposed to be the provider and a women is to be the homemaker ! That is straight from the word of God ! Some men can handle it others can not. Sounds like you are gonna have to choose.Be honest with each other and go from there .But remember money is fleeting while love can be eternal !
2007-12-02 10:46:57 · answer #3 · answered by lonewolf 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some men are workaholics. They don't understand relaxation or family life.
You need to talk to your husband. You need to let him know how you feel and find out how he feels. It maybe that he can't accept that you earn more than he does. We still live in a patriarchal society after all.
Sex drive, stress and depression are all related to one another, as is your (physical) rejection of your husband. Getting counseling is a good idea. Either marriage guidance or personal, or both. You need to act, not let this drag on, it will not improve by itself.
2007-12-02 10:36:14 · answer #4 · answered by C S 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The problem is that men can't stand it when their women make more money than they do!! So he's trying to do everything he can to make himself feel more like a man by working longer and everything! i think you need to find some time and sit down and talk to him about how your feeling and let him know his income is the least of your worries that you just want him to spend more time with you! If he agrees then your feelings will eventually come back!! Your flame just needs to be reignited! lol
2007-12-02 10:32:59 · answer #5 · answered by Mimi 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He obviously feels that he needs to get ahead at work so that he can keep up with you. Don't berate him, try encouraging him. If you think that he will not get a promotion where you work now how about suggesting that he looks for a job somewhere there is more of a chance for promotion.
2007-12-02 10:32:40 · answer #6 · answered by farmgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard issue when you have a couple who both work. There might even be some competition on his part to feel he needs to make more money than you.
Counseling is an excellent idea if he is willing.
2007-12-02 10:30:03 · answer #7 · answered by Google Rules! 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Love him like you told God and the preacher- usually it's "til death do us part as long as we both shall live". Buck up and quit thinking another man will make things better. There are things that are worse than you experience in your future- so what are you going to do? Run every time you meet a challenge? That's a great legacy and character builder?! Good luck with your new man and life. Quitter!
2007-12-02 10:36:03 · answer #8 · answered by copperhead89 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
well i dont have tis issue but i know people who do,
anyway i think you should talk to him and say how you're feeling
if hes the husband he should be then he'll understnd and try to fix it
spend some time with friends and family as well
family is always ther for you :]
good luck!
2007-12-02 10:32:44 · answer #9 · answered by iluvthebravery 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i did not even read through the entire thing. let me keep this simple for you.....he cannot handle the fact that his wife makes more than he does. it's a male ego thing. since he can't handle it...all i can say to you is to look out for yourself honey cause he is not looking out for you. he's trying to upstage you and upstage the fact that he is JEALOUS of the fact that you make more money than he does. that is insecurity and a loss of trust. trust me. if he cannot trust you then you have no relationship. it's that simple. give him an ultimatum. "either you go with me to counseling or this marriage is over. you obvisouly cannot handle the fact that i make more than you and frankly...i'm sick of dealing with it. I'm moving on with my life with or without you. you have a decisoin to make..." he doesn't want to fix things. he wants to feel good about making more than you.
2007-12-02 10:31:30 · answer #10 · answered by cfalways 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋