First of all I don't think he's good enough for her, granted he's a great guy, a "good catch" but I just don't think he's her match. She's 22 (which I don't think is old enough) but she wants to have kids and the whole big thing from age 25-30 (she's engaged now). She's talked to me about it and she loves him but I can tell she's hesitating.
He's not romantic enough for her wants (well he's not really at all) she'll tell him things she wants to do and without him ever contemplating it before (like ice fishing, hunting, pilots liscense, ect) he'll go out and do it with is buddies with out her.
Together they just seem like the type of people that will grow old and not do anything, and that's not her at all. She wants to live her life and I want to encourage it. I told her I don't think he's good enough for her but stopped there because don't know how to say how I feel. She needs to make her own decision but I feel I need to tell her more of how I see it. How do I tell her that?
2007-12-02 09:36:10 · 18 answers · asked by m- 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Give them a book as an engagement present.
"Fall in Love, Stay in Love" by W. Harley. It talks about finding out what each ones emotional needs are and destructive things in a relationship.
Let her figure it out. She knows what he does already. Odds are he will not change very much at all after marriage, if anything, he will take her more for granted. Then, when kids come around, it gets even harder. Children are stressful on a marriage, young couples forget to date each other as they get centered on the children.
All you will do is damage your friendship if you bad mouth him. Another good book: "The Five Love Languages" by Chapman.
That real 'romantic' stage of a relationship usually only last about 2 years, then it needs to mature into something stronger to survive. A great guy who is not romantic will be better in the long run than the bad boy who manipulates you will fake romance.
Tell her to try planning some of those activities with him, not waiting for him to do it for her. He'll love it and it's a great bonding experience for a couple to have shared interests. He may think she says those things because she just wants to impress him. Surprise him with a day planned at the lake or whatever. Show him that she is not the girlie girl and really wants to do this stuff. She does have to give him a little 'guy' time also or she will come off as to clingy!
2007-12-02 10:17:46 · answer #1 · answered by joyh 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why not be the friend you claim to be, build up the courage and talk to her. Tell her the facts, she already knows... this is the best it gets, before marriage is when ppl are on their best behavior, it takes twice the work after marriage to hold thing together. So if there's anything she's got problems with now, better " speak now or forever hold your peace " once she has kids she is truly trapped. If anyone walks out in anger to cool off or otherwise, it is not the woman (with the kid)!! If anyone wishes to continue with their dreams outside of the marriage it is not the one with the kids, housework and husband. If anyone is expected to change, it is not the man. And if anyone wishes to apply the pressure, to make another misrable for the lack of food, bills, or money, until the courts do the settleing, it is also he who has this power, as she will be stuck with the kids. But this is exactly what will happen and where she will end up. If she does not think about what she wants for herself out of life, instead of settling for a man who thinks only of himself. But this is what she should already know about the dating or engagement part of the relationship, it is to know or settle these problems before that big decision. Ask her what the engagement term is for, it would not be there for absolutely no reason. That's why living together is not such a bright idea, cause the guy thinks, it's already settled and this is the rest of the relationships course.
2007-12-02 10:17:43 · answer #2 · answered by ferochira 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to be honest and open and explain things from how you see it make sure she knows your not making an attack on her or her man and just let her know that you are concerned for her and make mention of some of the things said above. You are her best friend and if you don't talk to her and make sure she is making the right decision then she will regret it her whole life but at least if you let her know how you see things she may just take a step back and realise that maybe he isn't the perfect person for her
2007-12-02 09:43:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I don't see too much wrong. He is not cheating or abusing are disrespecting her. I'm 23 and been married since 21 my husband is now 29 and we have a 8 month old son and life couldn't be better. I think If you had a boyfriend you wouldn't really care about what she's doing. It seems like she's happy. She will learn on her own so you shouldn't tell her anything because theirs a good chance she will befriend you. So, I wouldn't say anything..It's her life
2007-12-02 09:45:09 · answer #4 · answered by Babygurl 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Let me tell you from experience it is not worth saying a word to her. I have three cousins and one sister that made the very same mistake and they are paying for it. They are constantly complaining about what is lacking in their relationships, they are always depressed and they are living a very limited life. One of them is now a full blown alcoholic because she can only find comfort in the bottle. Since people kept telling me to mind my own business, that is what I did. I just keep my mouth shut and learn from their mistakes (hopefully you do the same). All in all you become the somebody that has established a fulfilling relationship with themselves and their potential life mate.
2007-12-02 11:34:52 · answer #5 · answered by eimoan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Am sorry hun, but if they're legally married already, you have to back off and wish her the best. You really dont want to be responsible for breaking up a marriage.
Sorry.
2007-12-02 14:54:27 · answer #6 · answered by Esmerelda 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a friend of mine who married young and has like 6 kids now. She surrounded herself with kids. She home-schools and he just lets her do whatever she wants with them. She seems happy, but would probably be happier if she didn't live around her husband. And he's happy because he's "getting it" because she always wants another baby.
2007-12-02 09:41:50 · answer #7 · answered by Gabby_Gabby_Purrsalot 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay out of it. Be happy for her if shes happy. Be there to pick up the pieces if things go wrong. That's what a friend does.
2007-12-02 09:46:15 · answer #8 · answered by Aimee R 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
as long as she's not being abused and he's not cheating keep the lip zipped. what do you care as long as she's happy? if this doesnt work she'll make that decision. you dont want to feel responsible for breaking up a good thing and her blaming you for it.
2007-12-02 09:38:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm glad I'm a man. We don't have to deal with this from our friends! I say stay out of it.
2007-12-02 09:39:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋