My wife wants a break from us, what does this mean for us?

Question

We have been married for a year and a half now. We have had some amazing times and really not so good times. When we are together and everything is fine we are perfect for eachother, its when we start talking about couple stuff. We are very jel people, even though we are married. My wife has told me she needs a break from us, to try and get back what we had. She wants to try and erase all the bad times we had and move on with us. I have made a apoint for us to talk to someone about us, she wants to do it. But at the same time i know i have not been the best husband, i really want her to realize like i have, how much i really love her. What do i do, is there anything i can do.

Answer 1

a person doesn't usually leave a spouse if there is no violence, or abuse, unless she has someone else. when your trying to work it out the worse thing u can do is create distance. if she isn't leaving because of abuse, its another man and she is just trying to get away as clean as she can.

Answer 2

Indeed, one can not erase 5 yrs of memories good or bad. In life when we are currently in a relationship it is easier to focus on all the "bad" times. Then when the relationship ends or to people part ways the "good" times come into focus and the bad times are blurred into the background of thought.
She probably has forgotten her dreams and who she is, and the like. Unfortunately, you SHOULD NOT beg her to stay because begging only pushes the other person away from you. You should give her, her space and allow her within reason. In the end I believe that she will end up staying with you probably for the kids more then anything but also because the girl does love you. Be supportive, that's a good start to being a better husband. If you have the money, get her a body massage. Listen to her and let her know that she is beautiful.

Answer 3

It's hard to work on rebuilding a marriage if you are apart. "Wanting a break" tends to mean "I want out" , "I don't know what else to do" or someone else might be in the picture.

Instead of working alone and putting more distance, try doing things together to strengthen your marriage. Distance does NOT make the heart grow fonder.....it just allows even more distance and the problems just fester. Work on meeting each other's needs, 'dating' again, make time to be alone together. Don't plan children at this point, as it will add far to much stress to an already stressed relationship.

Seek a marriage counselor, one certified in couples counseling. You cannot just erase the past, that's just sweeping it under the rug and doesn't solve anything. Problems need to be addressed and worked on to be corrected.

Consider a marriage weekend. Following are two.

http://www.retrouvaille.org/

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi011_dates.html

Check out the following website:

http://marriagebuilders.com/

Some good books:
"Fall in Love, Stay in Love" by W. Harley
"The Five Love Languages" by Chapman.

Answer 4

I think you guys should go to marriage counseling. It seems there are some things that you need to talk out and get an objective point of view. What do you mean that you have not been a good husband? Have you cheated, been abusive both emotionally or physically, neglectful or just a plain old jerk? If you have answered yes to any of the above questions, you definitely need some counseling if you want this marriage to work.
Marriage is give and take. There will be some good and bad times. If there is always good times, then someone is being fake.
Seek counseling to work out your issues.

Answer 5

Jay. maybe she means you two are spending so much time up close she has no way to think about what she wants...it can be hard to determine what one is feeling while around your mate...
Having someone very close all the time can influence us.
I say let her have some time to herself while you go see your friends, or family if nearby...
Then do the things you know will make things better, clean up your messes, help cook and clean. Give her a hug and a little kiss just because...send her to the spa...
Be a part of the physical relation and the home life.
It may sound funny, but make a special night for dating her, and just making her the center of attention, and while you do this find out what she wants, to do, like travel, or what ever...
I wish you luck bud (Jay)

Answer 6

For one, you are an awesome man by admiting you "have not been the best husband". Two, if she needs a break, let her go. I personally am having my marriage fall apart because of WoW and a computer and I would strongly suggest giving her time so you guys can work things out. Give her a card, some flowers and ask her for one more amazing night before the break. That might help ease things a little. Good luck and I hope your relationship turns out for the best.

Answer 7

Sounds like you guys are on the right track. Both of you are at least willing to see this through and make changes so you can stay together. Seeing an outside party (counselor) is a good step. As you know, sometimes it's harder to see the obvious when it is you going through it.

I wish you both well. In December of last year my husband told me this same thing. It has been a year since he left and it is painfully obvious that he is not interested in coming back to his marriage or his children. Blessings to the two of you. It takes TWO to want things to work before they can work.

Answer 8

She just seem a little stressed out. Tell her you love her and you really feel that yall should work things out as a married couple not apart. Let her know that you are their for her if she needs anything.

Me and my husband was like that in the beginning of our marriage. When I would say," I need to get away", I was basically at my end. It didn't mean I was leaving him but very close to it.


Go to church it really helps

bless you

Answer 9

"Wants a break from us" is usually a bad sign. I do not know your wife, but I know that taking a break from problems usually makes them worse. Walking off a hard job does not make it any easier, but it does drag it out until you can't wait to get it over and done with. I also don't know what not been the best husband means, but I know that it's never a good thing.

Just one guy talking here, but I would try harder than ever to get to the bottom of things before splitting up becomes easier than staying together.

From the bottom of my heart- Good luck to you both.

Answer 10

shes not going to be able to erase whats has happen. but you have to give her the time to heal you need to give hers her space to get her thoughts together. me and my husband has been together for seven years and been married for 3 1/2 years and we've had some problem and i always say im going to leave but never do we always work it out. There's things that i have done things that he have done. you will never forget but in time you will be able to laugh about them and understand what happen to cause the mistake that you both have made. In order to have a long marriage of 50yrs or more like this old couple told me (you have to be able to put things behind and move on). its going to have to take both of you to make it work, but she need her a little time. don't give up just pray that everything works out for the best

Answer 11

Ive been in your position in the past.
I lost my wife in the end.

You said you have realized how much you really love her.
Is this revelation because you're fearful that you might lose her? Or is it that you really see what you've done wrong and are totally willing to change? If its the former, she'll see through you in no time. If its the latter - she's probably right to step away and look at the relationship with more scrutiny.
Either way, let her move on. If she comes back, its true love. If she doesn't, it wasn't meant to last.
Best of luck to you.