on going fight?...sleeping on the couch?

Question

so. my boyfriend has the tendency to fall alseep on the couch, which means that i sleep alone. i am more than FED UP with it, nonetheless, i acknowledge that he may fall alseep sometimes, so i offered a compromise: 3x times a week, he lays down in our room (of course, he can continue to watch T.V. and he does not have to actually sleep when i sleep; just lie down next to me). he tells me he will make an "effort"...what the HELL does that mean! when you get tired, instead of laying on the couch, GET UP! am i crazy for this....i think most women would hate if their men fell asleep on the couch. i'm sick of it...and we havent dealt w/ the fight yet. and we've been having this fight for about 1 year..now, i'm ******* done w/ it and am about to just end this relationship. i'm sick of it. and i will ALWAYS want him to lay down in our bed for at least 3 nights a week, so how can we ever come to peace if he's unwilling> i love him more than anything, but this is becoming too much...

background info: we've been together for 1 year 9 months. and i'm 28 weeks pregnant.

we're not married. but we've been together and will have a child together, so we're more than just "single and dating" so i posted it here.

ps. we do have sex, so i really dont think he's gay;just really inconsiderate....enough to break up?

honeybee: i'm the size of a house, due to pregnancy, so it's hard to tempt him...and yes, he was doing this before i was pregnant, so it's not that.

i know some of you said that you "don't see the big deal," which is what my b/f said, but the point is: I DO! it REALLY bothers me.

so, last night i told him that it's a BIG issue with me and i'm willing to end our relationship with him over it. i told him i can't imagne having the same fight 3 years from now, and i wont imagne it! if he can't understand that this IS important to me and try to compromise, then i can move forward in this relationship....end of story: he compromised....so, he's doing the 3 nights a week; the other 4, he will wing it. i thanked him.

i need that intmacy and time together at night w/ him...not ALL of the time, but some, if not most of the time. and 3 nights a week is NOT too much to ask. and i cant live my life w/ my man sleeping on the couch....i just can't. it's a big deal to me. sooo...we made up. and thus far, no problems. and in turn, i lay off his back because i'm trusting him to do as he says. i love him. he's great. and he loves me.

Answer 1

ok calm down. i know you dont want to hear this but it is your hormones that make you want to break up with him. First I would have another talk with him and tell him this is a serious issue. say that you love him and want him next to you at night. ask him why this is so hard for him to do. he may have a good reason. tell him this is a small thing that he needs to do to keep the relationship on solid ground. if he cannot do this after a rational and calm talk then maybe he doesnt care enough about you to sleep in the same bed as you. dont do anything to rash seeing that he is your baby's father.

Answer 2

I gotta tell you that I don't see the problem. While I do sleep with my wife, I have many friends in great relationships that do not. What I do though is that my wife and I have several days a week where we set the timer for just 20 minutes and go into the bedroom and chat. I don't understand why this is so bad that you would end the relationship. I suspect it is more of the he does not pay any attention to you at all. Also, this big as a house thing does not matter. You can still be sexy and not perfect.

Answer 3

Put a TV in the bedroom if it's that big of a deal. I have been married for 15 years now and have a hard time falling asleep when my wife is not in bed. Just tell him if he chooses to sleep on the couch instead of with you he will get up with the baby. I know your all but due now but do still have "feminine charms" and lets face us men are stupid and follow that all the way home. Good luck and I hope this helps.

Answer 4

Same thing for me. Actually worse cos he's my husband!
It's like he doesn't see it as a big deal. He'll make sure to sleep when I'm watching TV and then watch TV in the living room when I go in to sleep! It drives me crazy especially since we don't get to spend every night of the week together. (We don't live together technically and he works nights half the week.)
Its so annoying!
I wake up in the middle of the night in the dark creepy *** room (complete w/ sound effects, no less) and feel around me and there's no one!
He feels that I'm being a big baby because I need someone to sleep with me. I've kinda learned to just deal with it and not bother him anymore. Lately, he's been coming in to join me, though. I'll keep my fingers crossed that it lasts. If not, whatever . . .

Answer 5

My Ex used to do that to me and make up crazy excuses as to why he didn't want to sleep in the same bed with me I thought it was because I had put on weight and wasn't attractive anymore and he said that it was because he was too tall and he had to sleep on an angle... Have you concidered asking him if he would like to purchase a new bed maybe he just can't sleep on the bed you currently have... or you could just test his therory and bring the couch into the bedroom and say now you have no f*cking choice but to sleep in the bedroom with me.... Otherwise if he is not making any effort mayby the right thing to do for you and your unborn child is to leave him... I think you would feel more emotionally secure if you stayed with a friend over him

Answer 6

If this power struggle has been going on for a year, and you're pregnant, I would suggest that he's simply not going to do it. People rarely do things when they're scolded - quite the opposite.

My advice is to make the bedroom "yours" - decorate it the way you want to, get sheets, pillows and bedspreads that you like, put a bunch of stuffed animals and pillows on the bed, and take it over completely. You may find that you don't even want him there. But at that point, he will start joining you because you aren't on his back about it.

Answer 7

My husband and I have a similar problem. When he goes to bed he always wants me to come with him even though I'm not tired. It may just be that you are both on different sleeping schedules and he may not be tired enough to go to bed when you are. Granted he can watch TV in bed but he may think that would keep you awake. Have you ever waken him up and told him to come to bed? If he said he would make an effort then at least give him that chance. Some times old habits are hard to brake.

Answer 8

does he fall asleep on the couch every day? if so, i hear what you are saying. if it is only sometimes, then i understand i just he gets too comfortable there, that maybe why. i also understand you need for him to be there next to you, after all that is how we woman are...cuddlers. my suggest is this, try to make the bed a little more interesting for him to come to. ie tempt him by using your womanly ways, and in no time he shall make his way into the bedrome before you can call out his name. good luck. it is not worth ending a loving relationship though, if this is the only problem you two have.

Answer 9

maybe he sleeps on the coutch watching tv as to not disturb your sleep with the TV on. dont see a big deal about this. its better than not knowing where he is at and whos bed he is sleeping in. he is home so whats the big deal. you sound like a spoiled lil brat that he should do what you want him to do. going to leave a person becasue he sleeps on the couch. geeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzz get over your self and grow up. he could be doing a lot worse things like cheating on you or beating the crap out of you.

Answer 10

Your cold fight has last for one year and you've been together for 1 year 9 months?
If so, calm down and think about the root of your fright. Does he love you? Does he care you and the baby? Why he don't want to solve this problem?