A little background (please read before answering):
My husband and I are in our late twenties. Over the last two years, due to medical problems (his), our sex life has become almost nonexistent.
He was never super affectionate before these problems, but he's even less so now. So not only do I not get sex, I don't get touched...and when I DO get touched, I'm disappointed because it doesn't lead to sex! Sigh.
Anyway. Divorce isn't an option, and neither is having an affair. What I'm looking for is people who have perhaps been in a similar situation to tell me how they dealt with it, and perhaps offer me some ways of dealing with it myself.
So I need advice. Please?
The real question is, how can I find a sense of fulfillment without sex, and still be able to look my husband in the eye, and not hold it against him that he doesn't want sex anymore?
2007-12-02 08:22:38 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He goes to his physician all the time.
They're not sure what the issue is. He is physically able to have sex, he just isn't interested in it. His doctor prescribed him some pills to help with it, but he won't take them.
And no, in case anyone wonders, he's not having an affair. He's home every night, on time, and I can always reach him on his cell.
2007-12-02 08:31:12 · update #1
I have talked to him about it. He knows how I feel. But he got so upset (not angry, just emotional) when I told him, that I just don't bring it up anymore.
And yes, I have tried initiating sex and intimacy with him. I've tried everything, literally, everything: bought lingerie, tried to get him to talk about his fantasies, encouraged him to try out porn (which he's not interested in anymore)...everything. It's just not happening.
2007-12-02 08:33:58 · update #2
I've asked him if it's me, and no, it's not.
I can be a little demanding and pouty, but no more so than any other woman.
And actually, he tells me I'm more laidback, because I let him buy new video games whenever he wants (if we can afford it), I have no issues with him playing video games for as long as he wants (as long as we go to bed at a decent hour)...oh, and I bought him his XBOX 360 within weeks after it came out. He tells me I spoil him rotten.
I don't expect him to clean, unless it's cleaning up after himself, I buy him treats when I go grocery shopping, I don't criticize him, and I've been REALLY supportive towards him with his medical problems.
He does tell me occasionally that he thinks I'm a great wife. :-) So, no, it's not me.
He's not even looking at porn, which he used to do pretty often. He just literally has no sex drive.
2007-12-02 09:07:32 · update #3
First, you need to tell your husband you feel this way. Counselors and family therapists exist to help you have that conversation. Don't underestimate the importance of this issue. Sex and intimacy are a major part of happy marriages, so do whatever it takes to rectify the problem. The first step, though, is being honest about your feelings. There are other ways to make love and perhaps you can find those ways together.
2007-12-02 08:30:43 · answer #1 · answered by Smooth_obes 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So, what are his medical problems? It sounds like that's the issue.
Anyway, its hard to imagine a man who's not interested in sex. Perhaps something else has happened in your relationship that's turned him off to you. I really haven't experienced this problem, but an acquaintance has. Her husband is so busy and she has to often insist on sex. However, I've noticed she has some personality issues that would definitely turn me off towards her if she were my wife. She can be very demanding, pouty and vindictive. She's also mentioned that she's even punched him in the gut when she's been mad at him. So, how do you think that makes him feel? Ready for loving? I doubt it.
I'm not accusing you of these things, but you may want to evaluate how you're treating him outside the bedroom. That could be contributing to how he's responding to you.
Either that or he's a closet homosexual. ;)
2007-12-02 08:52:23 · answer #2 · answered by rabban625 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am glad I read this, as this is just about the same thing I wrote myself and I too am a christian. My husband also cheated on me about almost a year and a half to 2 years ago. I try so dang hard to forget it! I love my husband, but when I am alone I can't help it and i sit and honestly wonder if I should have stayed? I often find myself wondering if I am pretty enough for him? I wonder too, what is it that he truly is attracted to? I also wonder that although he has apologized, and asked for my forgiveness, I still have a little fear. I wonder if he does actually feel bad for what he did to me and hurting me...But? Does he feel bad for what he actually did? Is it just cause he didn't want me hurt? I mean if I wouldn't have found out, would he have just came out and told me? You sound like me and i get frustrated with others views on life these days. As to me, Marriage Vowel's are Number One in my life to fallow by. I mean if I am gonna get married, I actually promise to fallow and go by all the vowel's. When our other partners ends up breaking the biggest vowel, can I trust him? I know what you mean, keep GOD in your life and try, but feel no shame or guilt if you decide it pest to break apart.
2016-05-27 06:58:52 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello, i dont have the answer, but i can offer a sympathtic ear from someone who is going though the exact same thing. I totally understand what u are going though. I have been only married for three years, before our marriage things were fine. Now adays, i face the same problem as u. I totally know what u mean, when things dont lead to sex. You become bitter and trigger a row of , well i do, yet i dont know how to deal with my frustrations. I will be interested to see what other replies u recieve, maybe they can help me too. Well, i wish u all the best and i do know exactly what your going though
2007-12-02 08:29:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you think your husband is so great, think again.Yes he has a medical problem ,but he can do something about it.He chooses not to.If he thought about you instead of feeling sorry for him self, that would be something.Both of you are in your twenties and been blessed with another day.Make the best of it.I see you try to please him,now it's his turn. If he doesn't take care of you ,someone else will.YOU ARE ONLY HUMAN! You can't change what you were created with.It's natural to want to make love.
2007-12-02 09:40:14 · answer #5 · answered by lala 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I want to agree w/ rabban i think it was, He may be homosexual. Alot of couples are married for years and then the man or woman in some cases, comes out that they are gay. If that is not the case then counseling perhaps? I dont' think you should wait until you are in your 50's to decide, oh i want to leave him now. Both of you have got to sit down and have a heart to heart hun. If you want to live with him without sex, then you have better get yourself ready for a life without it.
2007-12-02 09:26:27 · answer #6 · answered by venusintexas35 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him a little more time to recover and get yourself a toy for you to keep happy while waiting and dont pressure him-it will work out-if it soesnt divorce is always an option even tho you said it isnt
2007-12-02 11:03:36 · answer #7 · answered by Lunaeclipz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you nuts? I could understand if you were like in you 70's but you are in your 20's! Get on with it and find a new man. If you don't you will go your whole life and look back onyour death bed and regret that you didn't really live.
2007-12-02 08:51:37 · answer #8 · answered by DWInSTL 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
What about taking things into your own hands, literally? They do have objects out there for sale that can help you with your sexual frustration when he isn't in the mood.
2007-12-02 08:32:29 · answer #9 · answered by allrightythen 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well how about you be more affectionate he may be sensing that you are constantly dissappointed and thus he simply given up. is this a permanent problem? if not try getting some therapy for it.
2007-12-02 08:29:00 · answer #10 · answered by DJ M 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋