Why are there so many people having children too young and before they can afford it?

Question

For years I have wondered about the judgment of people who start a family without first establishing the stability of a strong relationship with a spouse and a stable job that pays enough to afford all the costs of raising a child.

I am not even referring to "welfare moms". Instead I am referring to the many teen-aged or early twenties parents who end up divorced and/or broke with little mouths to feed.

Why do people do this to themselves? Why do they do this to their children? Is if because they are emotionally stupid, immature, desperate?

Answer 1

Hmm, where to start....

I guess it's the same reason that 30 year olds get married, raise a family, have children and then divorce.....

Or how 40 year olds stay married "just for the sake of the children" until the kids graduate and then it's divorce court time....

What I'm trying to say is this- it doesn't matter if you're an 20,30 or 40 year old, people's views on marriage and family have (unfortunately) changed. I don't believe it's fair to just blame "emotionally stupid, immature, desperate" 20 year olds. If you do that, then you better be prepared to also blame parents who get divorced. They too cause emotional damage to their families, right?

I do understand what you're saying....my (old) friend is only 21, has 4 babies from 3 different daddies. That sickens me. She says she "loves the feeling of being pregnant". That sickens me. She lost sight on what is important in this world, and has put her own happiness before the health and wellbeing of her children.

People need to understand that you are taking such a HUGE responsibility by bringing a little person into this world. There are so many different ways (psychologically, emotionally, physically) to screw them up. It takes a mature, loving, AND financially prepared person to raise a child properly....regardless of age.

Answer 2

Quite simply they are living in the moment and can't get past what they want at that particular moment, heaven forbid should anyone think thru or consider what the ramifications of their actions may be in the long term....

There's a glut of instant gradification and the h@l with consequences, with this idea that they are entitled because they want to, and it's 'all about me' syndrome.....sad. And it's not just these foolish teenagers having babies when they are babies themselves....you see it in stores where shoppers think their entitled to go off on employees 'cause they've had a bad day & need a victim.....rude people in customer service jobs......people in comitted relationships who justify cheating........
...as far as these babies having babies....and I know I'm gonna catch flack for this but so be it, if these 14, 15, 16 year old kids have babies out of wedlock, legal custody should be temporarily given to a close relative who is far more capable to take on the responsibilty and care for the child, and returned when the girl reaches the legal age of majority...unless she marries before that. Perhaps if a teenager knows the baby she's so willing to make she cannot keep until she's an adult, the idea of being a teenage mother will become far less appealing.......

Answer 3

For many people, they will never really be able to afford to have kids..
Let's face the facts here, the majority of Americans have been living on credit for the last two years thanks to the jump in oil prices. I work full time and have a decent job. My husband and I work at the same place to save gas money.. Even so, we just barely make it every single month.. We bought a $4000 car and a $60,000 home.. We have no luxuries, we never go out to eat, we don't have cell phones and it's a struggle to pay the heating bill.. We keep waiting to save money to have kids, but, fact of the matter is we will never be able too... That's the way it is.. We're in our late 20's now and it's obvious things are never going to get better..
I can't blame people for being a bit irresponsible and just having them anyways.. It's not something I'd do, but, I can't really blame anyone else for doing it.. Why should people never have kids just because they happen to be born in a cruel world?
Granted, I do think people should wait to be in a stable relationship. BUT, for many of us, the financial aspect is NEVER going to happen..

Answer 4

I think that is extemely judgemental! I can see where concern comes in, because having children to early and when you can't afford them is something this culture seems to have made cool to an extent, (Brittany Spears),( K-Fed(who couldn't afford to support the other kids he created prior to marrying Brittney) But some people who are poor generally love their kids and do a good job rasing them, and those same people will never be able to afford kids in this economy where the price of everything is rising faster every moment. So to say to those people you shouldn't have kids bc your poor and not only that your stupid and immature and desperate sounds like an radical and extreme devote religious thing to say!!!

Answer 5

For some, it is a matter of feeling loved and wanted somewhere at whatever cost. They have poor family environments where the parents are always working or earning money in less than lucrative ways. They didn't get the proper instruction or were too afraid to talk to someone about their feelings for fear of rejection of being humiliated. It becomes about the children born from these situations only after the parents have learned this very hard life lesson.

Answer 6

Speaking as a family and couples therapist, I tend to agree. One needs a license to catch a fish in this country, but anyone can become a parent. How about prospective parents take a parental readiness assessment that helps them determine their emotional and financial readiness for such a big life decision?

Is anyone ever really ready for all that parenthood brings? No, but you CAN be more ready than others.

Answer 7

Some people have an emotional lack in their lives and need some unconditional love.
They see babies as providing that love. They don't realise that children need more than love - they need emotional and financial stability too.
This is something we don't teach kids today. We have the idea that all children need is love. We don't talk about the responsibilities we should have towards them.
I have a formula - my children should have their own bedroom, and be able to go to ballet lessons and wear trendy clothes. And I try to pass this on to my children.

Answer 8

What do you consider too young and who are you to judge? I had my daughter at 19. It may seem too young to you. Your insinuations that I didn't have a savings or career at the time are correct, however I manage to pull it off. Her biological father did take off as men often do and I did it on my own.

I have had "Proper Parents" judge me my entire adult life. These same adults have children running out of control in public and disrespecting everyone around them. These children have been given the material things that my children haven't (BTW, My kids have never needed for anything).

My opinion is that these parents waited too long to have children. They were too focused on the unimportant things as you seem to be. The woman that thinks her kids having their own room and trendy clothes is going to be an example of misguided parenting.

It doesn't cost as much as you think to have a child. Aside from daycare costs there needs are pretty basic and they don't need that much.

Why does it matter to you what decisions people make? I am glad that I had my children young and I think they are the better for it. We have a lot of fun and have a great relationship.

Answer 9

The past 30 years or so many parents stopped being authority figures and became friends with their kids !Always there to bail them out, instead of letting them take responsibility for their own actions ! We need to turn back time to old fashioned faith, manners and values !

Answer 10

Sexual urges + infatuation = growth in population.

Some people feel they can keep their partner by bringing another human being into the world.
For others, it's an accident.....pill not working, condom broke.

And others are risk takers that live life by the seat of their pants. They don't consider the consequences of their actions.