him - "if you are not happy,then you should leave" (after me saying im not happy with the way things are) then in another convo, him - "not working it out is called 'running', you rather run then work it out"(after me saying maybe I should move out been on my own because we have some issues. This was stated on 2 dif occasions. I think it is obvious some things need to be discussed and clarified between us.
a little history on us...
been together for 8 years almost nine met when i was 22 been livin together almost since we met. Hit it off real nice when we met and in the 3rd year he ran into problems and needed a very strong woman to put up with his situation (dont really wanna put him out the specifically but it is what it is) and i did and helped him through his troubling time through out that period (2yrs) HE told me (with out me nagging) ohh you are my everything we gonna get married blah blah blahhhh. I never pushed the issue because i was just happy being together and in love nothing else mattered so then he came out of the situation and has been for almost 4 years and doing well and I never heard any of the mushy mushy since. But were still together, but what happened to all the "oh you are my world" stuff? Was I taken for a ride? am i still? He does have a lot on his plate (3 kids baby momma issues that makes things harder for us and the kids takes care of the house financially and i do everything else) fair bargain? I dont know if we are ready for marriage and that is fine but why dont he even mention ANYTHING about what he said before or no updates or nothing.???
I know its not all his fault and i not even looking to point the finger, just wondering if i missed something or being taken for a ride because thats not cool.
I want some answers not a specific one but just something to go on...so why dont i just ask???
so i dont look like a stalker cuz im not! im trying to get answers with looking like a nag any suggestion are appreciated.
PS if you are going to bash me for mistakes already made dont waste your time, thanks.
I was thinking of just askin flat out if he is happy with the relationship in general and is there something about me that bothers him. just a start, am i being reasonable?
2007-12-02 06:10:43 · 5 answers · asked by GTASE 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Read an interesting article on how males and females think, act and use words. The two mind set are mutually exclusive that means there can be no meaning full communications because it's like two alien species talking. I spent 4 years trying to communicate with my ex, I pointed out on several occasions that we had a communication problem because of the two different language being spoken, we both use English. I live alone to avoid having to put up with this problem.
2007-12-02 06:25:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one has any business bashing you. We all make mistakes. And no you are not being unreasonable, you are just looking for a little security that you are still thought of. I understand this perfectly, I have been there. My husband helped me with hard times when we met. He was my emotional strength at the time. Now he has become the cause of my weakness. I have had to take on the majority of resposibilities, bills, 4 kids, and a full time job. Now he claims I do not spend enough time with him or our son. My other 3 kids are with their dad 1/2 of the time. He has become abusive and hard to communicate with.
So my answers are simple. Take a new approach. Don't throw the fact you helped him once in his face. Just feel good about what you have done and be the same strong person. If you feel you are needing him a little more try to reach out for that by reminding him how nice those times were for you. If there is real love it will be there through good and bad. If stating that you are unhappy with the hole you are stuck in, ask for a suggestion on how to change that. If it starts a fight then you may have some thinking to do about your future.
2007-12-02 14:31:45 · answer #2 · answered by noshenanigans77 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually, having read all your story, I think you & hubby may be having the "7 yr itch". By this, I mean, that although you have been together longer than that, a lot of marriages and long term relationships go through a stale patch.....life gets very tedious.....kids, money worries & other things that makes life seem hard....never seems to be an end to it all. But believe me, no matter what life throws at you and your hubby, you can get through this. Too many marriages fail at this point, when all that is needed is to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I think if you both try very hard to "rough out" this patch that you will both come out the other side a lot closer!!
It won't be easy, but then nothing good in life comes easy! Does it?
My very best wishes go to you both. X
2007-12-02 14:25:48 · answer #3 · answered by dot_on_the_horizon 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are being unreasonable. You tell him you're not happy, but you won't tell him why. I don't blame him for telling you to get out if you're not happy. If you're not going to talk to him about it, then you won't get what you want. He's not a mind reader. Quit expecting him to be. You say you've been together 8 years, but you don't want to ask about marriage because you don't want to be a stalker? That makes no sense. Grow up and start being a real woman before he finds someone else who won't put all this drama in his life.
2007-12-02 14:16:05 · answer #4 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he has a lot of problems to deal with. you know because he has children and momma drama. you were there for him. what you actually did was be of help to someone when they needed it. how can you feel like you were taken for a ride? you can't change things. sometimes we have to know when to move -on with our life. it is that time for you. 8 years is a long time.it is time for a change for you in life while you are still young. good luck
2007-12-02 14:41:26 · answer #5 · answered by susta1951 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋