When my mom found out I am a lesbian she freaked out. She kicked me out of the house when I was only 15. Then I guess she started doing drugs and stealing money from my brother to buy the drugs. She has now been through rehab and is in therapy. She is now begging for both me and my brothers forgiveness and she wants back in our lives. I want to have a mom again but im afraid she will leave again. Should I forgive her or will I only be setting myself up for more disappointments?
2007-12-02 04:31:41 · 12 answers · asked by say what? 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
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2007-12-02 05:17:48 · answer #1 · answered by I represent possibility- Shawn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well in my opinion is that it's better that u take her in rather than leaving her on her own. Chances are she might go the wrong way again when she finds out that there is no one to take her in and willing to forgive her. What she needs right now is emotional support from u and ur brothers. Take care of her and make sure that she does not go the wrong way again. Im sure u love her. If u love her give her that chance...the chance to be back in your life again. Everyone deserves a second chance and they do learn from their mistakes. Leave the negative thoughts aside and let her back into ur life. Forgive her because she is after all your mom, someone who held u in her womb for nine months. The bond between a mom and daughter should never be cut. All the best..i hope u will make a wise decision. Take care!
2007-12-02 12:44:53 · answer #2 · answered by lilliza 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's certainly a risky situation.
If you don't try now, you may regret it for the rest of your life, if the opportunity never arises again.
If you do try, I advise a "tough love" approach, to avioid being an enabler, and to help her focus on keeping herself together. Set specific ground rules and conditions to which she must adhere, and if she breaks them (or if her behavior even suggests she has), remove yourself from the situation. Do not compromise on any boundaries; once you givew an inch she will likely push it to the maximum. Talk to your brother and try to form a united front; she may try to pit one against the other if she reverts to bad behavior.
Loan/give her no money. If she needs a bill paid, you pay it directly (if you are so inclined, that is). Bring in outside counselling, too, for her and for the family as a group.
good luck.
2007-12-02 12:41:57 · answer #3 · answered by kent_shakespear 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Lisa. Please give your mother the benefit of the doubt. When I was fourteen I was forced into a marriage because of old world customs. At 17 I got divorced and came out to my family. My mother did not talk to me for almost 3 years and about a year ago she asked to see me. I denied her that right thinking she had abandoned me once and she might do it again. About 4 months ago my mother died. When we were going through her stuff we found a note in which my mother had confessed that she over reacted because she thought she had done something wrong and that is why I was gay. I know things get bad but even if she does set you up for another disappointment at least you will be able to see your mom one more time.
whoever gave me a thumbs down is one cold hearted SOB
2007-12-02 12:53:39 · answer #4 · answered by Mr. Nobody 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yes, my mom freaked out too and she wouldn't even look at me for a while so she totally lost my trust. But when she had time to calm down we worked out but we went slowly.
I suggest you go see her, talk to her, let her know you are willing to give her a chance because she is your mom and she does love you even if she don't have the best way of showing it. Don't rush back into it though, that is setting yourself up because she might not be as ready as she thinks so you need to slowly get to know each other again.
2007-12-02 12:45:57 · answer #5 · answered by Michelle 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been through a simillar situation look nothing after this can hurt more as long as you dont live with her and only go see her sometimes and "get to know her" again you will be ok and it will make you feel better to have your mom bak in ur life. So I think you should as long as you dont get close really fast take a little at a time.
2007-12-02 12:36:31 · answer #6 · answered by mom4dafirst time Oct 7thGirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take it slow. Maybe start with a letter to her explain to her your worries. Then if you feel comfortable make a phone call. And then progress to a short visit, maybe lunch out somewhere. Slowly increasing time you spend with her and how much you allow her back into your life. You both need to heal this wound, but I wouldn't jump both feet into it, start slow and see how it goes. You may want to gain the help of a therapist yourself as this will be a difficult time for you and your whole family.Good Luck!
2007-12-02 12:45:18 · answer #7 · answered by Deny_Zoo29 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no, people dont change and the next time something tramatic or bad happens she will turn to drugs in a heartbeat. Just make sure you avoid drugs as it seems you may have inherited an addictive personality.
2007-12-02 12:54:32 · answer #8 · answered by Patrick 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would recommend a gradual reconciliation. Just to make sure she is trully repentant and not reaching out for an enabler. Take it slow since she is still dealing with her own issues.
2007-12-02 12:37:32 · answer #9 · answered by wrathofkahn03 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You only get 1 biological mom so I would forgive her and let her back in. Go slow .
2007-12-02 12:41:43 · answer #10 · answered by Aloha_Ann 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋