Would it ever be appropriate to tell a friend you don't like his fiancee?

Question

Or should you always say nothing in that situation?

My friend's financee is very controlling and manipulative, and he caters to her every whim, no matter how unreasonable. He supports her 100% financially and waits on her hand and foot. It's frustrating to see him work so hard. His friends and family are baffled by his choice.

Thoughts?

Answer 1

Unless she's doing something to harm (physically) one of you, no. You will regret it. He knows everything she is doing to him, and has decided he's crazy in love anyway. He'll find out on his own, and you will still be his friend to lean on.

Answer 2

There's a saying, "Love is blind..." It's also deaf, dumb and mute. It's hard, when you see your friend from different point of view, it looks like he's being totally dominated.

I also wished, 19 years too late, that I had brought my then fiancee around my family and friends and stayed engaged for at least 6 months. They love me enough and are objective to see another person as they really are. Granted, there's always a chance your friend won't listen, might get upset with you, the friendship might end on that note.

However, I would hope that they would tell me, to save me years of pain and frustration. I don't envy you.

Answer 3

I don't think you should tell him like this. What you can do is have normal conversation on various topics as you do always.If an occasion arise anytime when he talks about his fiancee, you can be just a little4 suggestive very tactfully , telling him ,,,,,"look , this is a question of a life time to settled once for all.......why don't you think all the odds which may happen if she turns out to be your wife or ....have you ever thought whether your family members will be happy if you go ahead and marry her ..........it's just a suggestion to you .....you are the best judge regarding your relationship with your family and the new relationship you are going to have ......think of all positive and negative aspects NOW......lest you may find later on , you did something that can't be undone....I am just suggesting ....please don't take any offence , I am your friend and that's why I have told you all these .......otherwise , some day, you may blame me for not pointing out anything in this matter.....I am not telling ...'she is good or bad'....I want you to be fully convinced of the fact that what you are going to do is proper and will make and members of our family HAPPY.........please don't take any offence to this suggestion of mine ......I , in my stupid way, thought it proper to tell you this at the last moment.......'"
I think this may be one way to tell him about this during a casual conversation ....one of these days.ok?

If you think your friend is completely unreasonable/illogica/blockedl, then, just forget it.


God Bless

Answer 4

Dfferent people like different things. Some people like relationships where their partner physically abuses them - I don't mean the kind of abuse we see on TV where it's more than just role-play, I just mean the kind where people "play rough", so to speak, with mutual consent.

Some people enjoy being physically abused in a role-play situation, it only makes sense that some people for whatever reason also enjoy being treated like a servent. It happens, and if that happens to be your friend's circumstance, he'd probably seriously resent any intrusion by you no matter how well-intentioned.

If you decide to approach the subject with him, don't mention your suspicions specifically. Ask him questions that let him state his feelings about it if they happen to be the case, or just tell him that if he ever wants to speak to you about anything that's bothering him - be it with his job, his marriage, his family or "whatever" - that he can talk to you. Saying it that way makes it seem like you don't have anything specific in mind (so he won't resent you for criticizing her), while letting him know that if he -does- have anything specific in mind, it's okay with you for him to talk to you about it. Might seem a bit "girly" depending on how the two of you normally relate, but surely if you're close enough to be concerned over his choice in women, you'll be close enough that an appropriate opportunity will come up sooner or later for you to make this very general offer to him.

Answer 5

no don't say anything as if your friend loves this person they might think that your jealous and you could lose a friend over a small thing, just be there for your friend and make sure that they know that you will always be there, that way if your friend realise all this and ever breaks up you can support your friend by being there.
if you say something you might not get the chance later.

Answer 6

I would not say it directly, it would only cause harm.

Try hinting at it and say...."Gee I see you working really hard all the time. I think you deserve a break." And then suggest you go out just hang out as the guys. Get him a weekend away from the controller and let him taste freedom.

Answer 7

At the end of the day - it's your choice, it is REALLY difficult and I don't envy your situation.

However, if you are REALLY GOOD TRUE FRIENDS. Maybe you could try to explain how you feel. But - beware - there is ALWAYS some one out there to say you are jealous, and that is the most cutting hurtful comment when you know you are NOT.

Fore - armed is Fore - warned. Good Luck my friend....xxx

Answer 8

Depends on how close you are and how much he trusts and values your opinion. Sometimes it will push a person away, sometimes it will bring them to their senses. I always like knowing how my close friends and family feel about my major life decisions, but I understand that they have good intentions and I know that they can be wrong. Some people can't.

Answer 9

If he starts to seem extremely unhappy or that he's being abused then I would say something. If not, just let him make his choice. You don't have to like everyone...but if your friend loves his fiancee than you should be happy for him (i'm sure you are but I understand your concern)

Answer 10

No it would not be appropriate just be there for him when he needs you.
My dad is the same way with my mom and he is happy doing it he says. Sounds like your friend is too or he'd leave the situation.

Answer 11

It's really none of your business. And I'll bet he knows exactly what she is already. And apparently, he doesn't care. Probably because she earns the right to treat him any way she wants. In ways he thinks are appropriate.