My ex-husband lives in another state and has vacation time in addition to the holidays that are coming up.
He wants to spend time with our daughter who is 15 and just moved in with me. He has asked me twice if he can come and see her and I have said its okay.
However, he still does not know that my daughter and I are living in an apartment on our own separate from my parents. He sent our daughter to me thinking she would be in a home with a family structure. My mother had asked me to move out and so my daughter and I did.
Now, I am not sure of his holiday plans and my parents are putting pressure on my daughter and I to take a road trip with them.
My daughter tried to mention to my ex-husband that we will probably be moving into an apartment and he was very angry and upset at the idea. I know its not his decision to make as long as our daughter is in a safe and healthy environment which she is.
I am thinking its best to leave the decision up to him.
2007-12-02 03:30:19 · 20 answers · asked by Stareyes 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
"A stable family environment" was shot to hell years ago when you and he split up. He wasn't able to provide it when she lived with him, and frankly, living with the grandparents didn't sound terribly stable, either, so he can hardly blame you for being a grown woman who doesn't want to live with her parents! So he got angry -- he's hundreds of miles away, let him throw his temper tantrums!
IF you want to go on the road trip, then find out when they want to go, and tell your ex what days you will be in town so that he can see your daughter.
2007-12-02 08:18:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure WHY your EX still has so much POWER over you - and WHY you think this is still OK - are you spineless? Afraid of someone who has given up all rights to continue to run your life? I tend to believe this is because he sends support money - BUT, that does NOT give him the right to tell you what you have to do with it. Let the man be upset - once he SEES for himself that you are in a safe and healthy environment, he will calm down - and if he doesn't? OH WELL! Put the burden on HIM to prove WHY you and a 15 year old girl should NOT have their own place to live.
If your parents want to you go on a road trip, and everyone wants to go, then just tell your EX that the plans have changed and you will make it up to him at a later date.
REMEMBER - you are NO LONGER his WIFE, and you do need to make decisions WITHOUT his approval from now on. Let HIM worry about HIM - not you!!!
2007-12-02 11:40:56 · answer #2 · answered by BikerChick 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, what's your question? It's not that clear.
If you have custody of your daughter, YOU determine where she lives. The ex doesn't have to like it. However...Why is being in an apartment with you worse than being with your parents? Are you putting your daughter at risk of something?
As far as the holidays - you need to talk with both your ex and your parents about a schedule, and get both parties to agree to something soon. Let both know of ALL the possible plans (road trip, etc) and be nice in explaining that both are important.
2007-12-02 11:36:36 · answer #3 · answered by physicsmom04 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He shouldn't be concerned with where you are living unless he planned on staying there also and if he can't afford a motel for a few days he should stay home and save his money until he can. where you live is not as important as how you live. As far as your mother throwing you out, if you can afford where you are now that is probably the best for all. It is too easy for someone to move back in with their parents and become dependent upon them rather than moving on with life, as you seem to have done. Just send him a note explaining the situation and then let him worry about where he is going to stay and what he is going to do while he is there and tell him you need to know because your parents want you to go on the road trip with them.
2007-12-02 11:55:29 · answer #4 · answered by Al B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wrong, you have to do whats best now for your daughter and you, period. You owe him no explanations for your actions and he will have to accept your current conditions as long as your daughter is in no way in an endangering or hostile environment and that youre supporting her the best you can and the legal system will back you on this. Let him know of your living conditions before he shows up there so he can decide what to do and also it will give you time to decide if going with your parents is best for all. Remember to put your daughter first and foremost, and he will be alright. Good luck an Happy Holidays
2007-12-02 11:48:17 · answer #5 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Looks like you are the custodial parent.
Your ex has no say regarding your living arrangements (maybe the courts do).
It also seems that he may have been a bit controlling or manipulative (if you are so worried about what he thinks of your living situation). Just stand by your decision to live the way you are living. Having personal conviction is like a "force field" against a controlling ex.
2007-12-02 11:39:15 · answer #6 · answered by Charlie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would open up and fess up to him about the living arrangements. you dont have to go into details about why you left your parents. simply tell him that you were ready to be on your own and take responsibility for your own life. you want to raise your daughter and not let your parents do so. explain to him the your daughter is now 15 and can take care of herself when your not there. keep pushing the fact that your ok and your daughter has everything she needs.
as far as the plans for the holidays, ask your daughter. let her decide. if she wants to see her dad. agree to those plans. if she would rather take a trip with your parents, agree to that. dont make the decision for her cause you dont want to look like the bad guy for getting in the middle ya know. she old enough to make up her own mind. shes going to have to decide every holiday where she wants to be. i have divorced parents. every holiday i have to chose between my mom, dad, and then my boyfriends family.. its hard. maybe take the trip with your family for christmas and then have her father come and see her for newyears?? then new years you can make plans for yourself and your daughter will be tied up with her dad.
2007-12-02 11:46:10 · answer #7 · answered by Lucky 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So what your trying to say isthat an apartment is not a home? I live in an apartment and i feel it is as good as a home. Let him get upset , it is called YOUR EX. who cares what he thinks any more. Does he pay your bills? nope.so dont stress over it. you got a roof over your daughters head, food on the table. if he has a problem tell him well it was my idea before to keep her in a home but life changes and i had to do what i felt was best. end of story.
2007-12-02 11:36:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't see why your parents would pressure you to go on a road trip with them after they threw you out. I'd nix that idea right quick. As for having an ex in your apartment with you...ummm...you must really get along well to even consider it. If I were in your shoes I wouldn't leave the decision up to him. I think I'd recommend he take his daughter somewhere else. Aruba is nice.
2007-12-02 11:35:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to take control of your life and stop expecting people to tell you what to do. You need to learn to be more independent and not to rely on other people's feelings so much. There is a reason is is your "ex husband." He lost his rights to tell you what to do. The roll of your parents is to help you if you fall not to run your whole life. Your daughter is 15 how is she going to learn to be an independent woman if she can not look at you and learn from you.?
2007-12-02 11:57:18 · answer #10 · answered by Kahmmillion 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋