How come people on here can attack you and still be a top contributer?

Question

I just asked a question on my son. He is 5 months old and he is a happy baby. BUT when he is tired, he screams for hours. I hold him and sing, and rock, and everything. He fights and fights. He has done this since birth when he gets overtired. He does this a the middle of the night. I even sleep with him. Finally last night I put him in his play pen and let him cry. I went to him often to talk to him and give him affection. I nursed him 3 times and he cried ALL night. He slept for about an hour or two. I don't know what to do. When he gets overtired, he does not submit to it. He is not in pain... just VERY grumpy. I asked a question and joeybowiesmom, who is a top contibuter said that she cannot beleive that I would let my baby cry. And that I am SELFISH (she had that in caps), and she said that I think of no one but myself. My son cries for hours whether I hold him or not when he is overtired. Other than that he is a happy baby. How can people be so mean and be a top contributor?

she said my behavior is disgusting. I took 5 months to let him cry. I tried it all.

Answer 1

Hi There,

I am so sorry that you were attacked for your actions. Just as each person is different, so are their parenting techniques. I will tell you that I have been a been a pediatric nurse for more than 6 years and, as long as you are sure that there is nothing bothering your child ( illness, wet diaper, hunger), there is nothing wrong with letting your baby calm himself down. I work at one of the top pediatric hospitals in the nation and the technique you are using it one that is widely used by the pediatricians I work for. Here is the parent hand out we give. Look it over and adapt it to what works best for you. Feel free to email me if you have questions. You are a good mom and you want what's best for your child. What someone here thinks of your style doesn't matter.

Awakenings from Being Held Until Asleep (Trained Night Crier)

How do I know if my baby is a trained night crier?
A trained night crier is a baby who:

is over 4 months old and wakes up and cries one or more times a night
can only return to sleep if you hold him or her
is held, rocked, or walked until asleep at bedtime or naps
doesn't need to be fed in the middle of the night
has awakened and cried at night since birth.
When should my baby be able to sleep through the night?
From birth to the age of 2 months, most babies awaken twice each night for feedings. Between the ages of 2 and 3 months, most babies need one feeding in the middle of the night. By 4 months of age, most bottle-fed babies sleep more than 7 hours without feeding. Most breast-fed babies can sleep through the night by 5 months of age. Normal children of this age do not need calories during the night and are capable of sleeping through the night without being rocked or held in the middle of the night.

Why does my baby wake up crying at night?
Some common reasons babies over 4 months old wake up crying at night include:

Holding or rocking your baby until asleep.
All children normally wake up 4 or 5 times each night after dreams. Because they usually do not wake up fully at these times, most children can get back to sleep by themselves. However, children who have not learned how to comfort and quiet themselves cry for a parent. If your custom at naps and bedtime is to hold, rock, or lie down with your baby until asleep, your child will not learn how to go back to sleep without your help. Babies who are not usually placed in their cribs while they are still awake expect their mothers to help them go back to sleep when they wake up at night. Because they usually fall asleep away from their cribs, they don't learn to associate the crib and mattress with sleep. This is called poor sleep-onset association.

Providing entertainment during the night.
Children may awaken and cry more frequently if they realize they gain from it; for example, if they are walked, rocked, or played with, or enjoy other lengthy contact with their parents. Being brought to the parents' bed makes the problem far worse. Crying at night can also begin after situations that required the parents to give more nighttime attention to their baby for a while. Examples of such problems are colds, discomfort during hot summer nights, or traveling. Many babies quickly settle back into their previous sleep patterns after such situations. However, some enjoy the nighttime contact so much that they begin to demand it.

Believing any crying is harmful.
All young children cry when confronted with a change in their schedule or environment (called normal protest crying). Crying is their only way to communicate before they are able to talk. Crying for brief periods is not physically or psychologically harmful. The thousands of hours of attention and affection you have given your child will easily offset any unhappiness that may result from changing a bad sleep pattern.

How long does it last?
If you try the following recommendations, your child's behavior will probably improve in 2 weeks. The older your child is, the harder it will be to change your child's habits. Children over 1 year old will fight sleep even when they are tired. They will vigorously protest any change and may cry for hours. However, if you don't take these steps, your child won't start sleeping through the night until 3 or 4 years of age, when busy daytime schedules finally exhaust your child.

How can I help my child sleep?
Try the following suggestions if your baby is over 4 months old and wakes up crying one or more times in the night.

Place your baby in the crib drowsy but awake for naps and bedtime.
It's good to hold babies and to provide pleasant bedtime rituals. However, when your baby starts to look drowsy, place him in the crib. Your child's last waking memory needs to be of the crib and mattress, not of you. If your baby is very fussy, rock him until he settles down or is almost asleep, but stop before he's fully asleep. He needs to learn to put himself to sleep. Your baby needs to develop this skill so he can put himself back to sleep when he normally wakes up at night.

If your baby is crying at bedtime or naptime, visit your baby briefly every 5 to 15 minutes.
Visit your baby before she becomes too upset. You may need to check younger or more sensitive babies every 5 minutes. You be the judge. Gradually lengthen the time between your visits. Babies cannot learn how to comfort themselves without some crying. This crying is not harmful. If your child is fearful, hold him until he calms down. Then temporarily sit or lie down in his bedroom until he settles down. Try to leave before he falls asleep.

Make the visits brief and boring but supportive.
Don't stay in your child's room longer than 1 minute. Don't turn on the lights. Keep the visit supportive and reassuring. Act sleepy. Whisper, "Shhh, everyone's sleeping." Add something positive, such as "You're a wonderful baby," or "You're almost asleep." Never show your anger or punish your baby during these visits. If you hug him, he probably won't let go. Touch your baby gently and help him find his security object, such as a doll, stuffed animal, or blanket.

Do not remove your child from the crib.
Once you put your child in the crib, do not remove him. Do not rock or play with your baby or bring her to your bed. Brief contact will not reward your baby enough for her to want to continue the behavior. Most young babies cry 30 to 90 minutes and then fall asleep.

For crying during the middle of the night, temporarily hold your baby until he is asleep.
Until your child learns how to put himself to sleep at naps and bedtime, make the middle-of-the-night awakenings as easy as possible for everyone. If he doesn't fuss for more than 5 or 10 minutes, respond as you do at bedtime. Otherwise, take your crying child out of the crib and hold him until he is asleep. Don't turn on the lights or take him out of the room. Try not to talk to him very much. Often this goes better if Dad goes in.

Help your child attach to a security object.
A security (transitional) object is something that helps a waking child go to sleep. It comforts your child and helps your child separate from you. A cuddly stuffed animal, doll, other soft toy, or blanket can be a good security object. Sometimes covering a stuffed animal with one of the mother's T-shirts helps a child accept it. Include the security object whenever you cuddle or rock your child during the day. Also include it in your ritual before bedtime by weaving it into your storytelling. Tuck it into the crib next to your child. Eventually, your child will hold and cuddle the stuffed animal or doll at bedtime in place of you.

Later, phase out the nighttime holding.
Phase out nighttime holding only after your child has learned to quiet herself and put herself to sleep for naps and at bedtime. Then you can expect her to put herself back to sleep during normal middle-of-the-night awakenings. Go to her every 15 minutes while she is crying, but make your visits brief and boring. After your child learns to put herself to sleep at bedtime, awakening with crying usually stops in a few nights.

Other helpful hints for sleep problems.
Move the crib to another room.
If the crib is in your bedroom, move it to a separate room. If this is impossible, cover one of the side rails with a blanket so your baby can't see you when he wakes up.

Avoid long naps during the day.
If your baby has napped for more than 2 hours, wake her up. If she has the habit of taking three naps during the day, try to change her habit to two naps each day.

Don't change wet diapers during the night.
Change the diaper only if it is soiled or you are treating a bad diaper rash. If you must change your child's diaper, use as little light as possible (for example, a flashlight), do it quickly, and don't provide any entertainment.

Leave your child standing in the crib, if necessary.
If your child is standing up in the crib at bedtime, try to get your child to settle down and lie down. If he refuses or pulls himself back up, leave him that way. He can lie down without your help. Repeatedly helping your child lie down can soon become a game.

Keep a sleep diary.
Keep a record of when your baby is awake and asleep. Bring it with you to your office follow-up visit.

When should I call my child's health care provider?
Call during office hours if:

You think the crying has a physical cause.
Your child acts fearful.
Someone in your family cannot tolerate the crying.
The steps outlined here do not improve your child's sleeping habits within 2 weeks.
You have other questions or concerns.

Answer 2

I think we had this conversation before ; ) There is nothing wrong with letting the baby cry for short periods of time. I used to let them cry for about 5 - 10 mins and go in, rub their back, tell them that everything is fine and that I love them (I have 2 boys - 13 & 7). When my boys did this, I called it meltdown. They were so tired and so over stimulated that they just needed to cry! They would stop eventually. Having said that, if he is persistently screaming his head off all night, you may want to take him to the Doctor. Is he nursing enough? Is he still hungry? Is it time to add some rice cereal to the mix? Ask your doctor. That is my advise on the question.

NOW onto a reply to Pedsgurl - Excellent advise and great back up material!! Kudos

Do your own thinking - Well what can you say to that? Correct me if I'm wrong, but SMO2 indicated in her post that she has cuddled her child, rocked to him AND nursed him. It seems to me that you are being overly critical, don't you think? Lazy mothers you say? I take offense to that as will a number of others I believe. I am not and have never been a LAZY mother. The fact is, if you find someone that disagrees with your way of thinking, they are lazy, stupid etc... and that's a shame. If you are not going to be part of the answer, at least stop being part of the problem. To end this overly long post, I mean no offense to you but someone had to say it. (I just read the part about letting your baby cry gives is linked to brain damage. LOL)

Answer 3

To learn how to sing the best thing is always following a good course, I suggest an online course because it's much cheaper and you can get great results. I suggest to follow this course ( http://learnhowtosing.kyma.info ) it's perfect for beginners and for high level singers.However there are several key things to do to improve your singing voice, yet some rely on upon your gender and some don't. Since I don't have a clue about your gender, I'll let you know the ones that are not gender particular. I'll give you some suggestions but I reccomend to follow the course that I posted above...I did it and I know you will apprecciate it! Learn to breathe from your diaphragm, not your lungs. - most straightforward route for a beinging voice understudy to learn this strategy is to lie level on your back and breathe without considering it. You ought to perceive that it is your stomach climbing and down, not your lungs. Congrats, you've spotted your diaphragm. Presently remained up and practice breathing through your nose and pushing the air into your stomach rather than your lungs. You can practice breath/breathing strategies. When you've figured out how to breathe with your diaphragm, you have to show yourself how to work those muscles in a manner that will improve your singing vocals. This is accomplished by something many refer to as breath exercises. Fundamentally, you use five to ten minutes doing these before endeavoring to sing. Here are some to kick you off: "the pregnant woman puff" is where you utilize the labor breathing method taught in lamas' classes to work your mouth muscles. "the straw" is where you suck in all the air you can oversee and afterward gradually release it again on your own pace while switching up the variations of the breath release. For a better work out in this exercise you can really sing a few bars of a tune also.

Answer 4

My son also was a crier, but very happy at other times. I too finally had to let him "cry it out" and it wasn't easy, but waht else can you do when you have tried everything. He is 11 years old now, and that seems so long ago. So just hang in there, and know that he won't be like this forever but will eventually grow up and be better. I agree with the first answer you got, just because they are top contributor doesn't mean they are knowledgable, nice people.

Answer 5

Just because she's a top contributor doesn't mean she knows what she's talking about. Sounds to me like you pretty much know what you're doing. If he's crying whether you hold him or not, I would have to agree with you. You've done everything possible to try to comfort him there is nothing else you can do. He's only 5 months old, he'll outgrow this crying.
Good luck.

Answer 6

To get better at singing I reccomend to follow an online course: http://www.goobypls.com/r/rd.asp?gid=541

It's much cheaper than going to a singning teacher and you can get really good results...I did that! I can suggest evens some singer tips if you wish...For example I reccomend to drink lots of water. Avoid drinking sodas so often! Always warm up. Vocal exercises. Try drinking this natural "clear the throat" remedy: Water, Lemon Juice, Salt,

Answer 7

Top contributor is a title that comes automatically after you have answered questions in a certain category and maintained more than 10% best answers. Anyone can get it as long as they meet those requirements. There are lots of different people here, and with different opinions. Sometimes asking a question like that is asking to be judged...if you don't want to hear what some people have to say you shouldn't ask the question...no offense. You can't pick and choose who answers your questions or what they will tell you. But you can decide what you put on here. I personally think it is just fine to let him cry it out. My niece was the same way when she was a baby and that is ultimately what ended up working. It's called self-soothing and there is nothing wrong with it as long as you are not neglecting your child. I hope this was some useful information.

Answer 8

This is what happens when you post a question....you open up the floor to many different opinions of many different posters on here. Some of us feel strongly about a variety of topics, and this happens to be one of them for moms of newborns and babies. Try not to let one comment get the best of you....not everyone is going to agree with you and that's just the way this forum is. You can accept the advice given and just ignore the mean, nasty comments....from a Top Contributor or not.

Keep posting your questions and just thumbs-down the ones that you don't agree with....this seems much healthier than continuing the fight and posting a rebuttal question to attack the particular responder.

Answer 9

Thats too bad she would say that :( Being a mom her self you would think she would understand I think you are doing the right thing by letting him cry a bit it wont hurt him one bit especially if he's not hungry or in pain ...Its hard as a mommy to do it though TRUST me I know ;) But in the end it will help him and you get more sleep ...
Good luck and best wishes to you , you sound like a great mom so let her comment roll off your back :)

Answer 10

First things first. :-) Have you taken your baby to the Dr. to make sure he is not colicky? If not you might want to try that. My sister breast fed her baby and I know it is hard to grasp, but he was not getting enough to fill him up from her so she had to change to formula. She was breast feeding alot and she told the Dr. about it. Ever since she put him on formula, no more crying all the time wanting more. It might be he is not getting enough to satisfy him. Boys always eat more! I have learned that! :-) As far as someone being rude to you, never mind them! People like that are easily found on the www.

Answer 11

I thought that top contributor just meant that you were really active on here. Not that you were especially good at it. As a top contributor yourself, you should know that you're dealing with all different kinds of people here. Take the good and ignore the bad! You know what's best for yourself and your baby. Good luck!