Almost ex-husband threatening suicide more and more lately?

Question

We've been broken up for 4 years and have 2 children. In the beginning he was threatening revenge (yes, infedility), now, 4 years later he's drinking excessively and has threatened suicide many times. When i reach out and offer support, help, whatever i can do (because i DO take this very seriously), he tells me to butt out and leave him along. He claims we're all better without him. I'm worried. He's very "driven" and I feel he's going to do it.... He doesn't want to see anyone or talk to anyone... doesn't want help, doesn't think it will help.

In response to answer #1.... I would call 911, but he wont give me his home #, nor do i know his address. I've called the police before, but they need a landline to trace a call to a location. :-(

Answer 1

If he won't seek professional help, you could. It sounds like he is trying to guilt you into something. Remember, what a person choses to do is that person's choice. The only thing you have control over is your reaction to it. Take care of yourself and your children first. His threats should be taken seriously though because they are serious but you have distanced yourself from him already and that is the first step. ABOVE ALL you cannot control what anyone else does.

Answer 2

Well there's really no need to be jealous - and bad blood will only put your son in the middle. That said, youre not the only person to feel jealous because of an ex. But the truth is that we ALL (hopefully) tend to learn from our last relationships and therefore make changes to accomodate our new ones. I cant say I havent thought more than once "Geez, why couldnt you have been like that with ME?" - but I always have to realize that we never really would have been that way with each other. If we had stayed together he wouldnt have learned anything and neither would I. Thats the thing about most relationships... you never really learn anything until after the fact; in retrospect. And anyway you were both younger then and have since done some growing up. Who is to say back then he wouldnt have been fighting with her until 4am too, ya know? So dont take it personally. Its ok to acknowledge that you feel the way you do and its totally normal, but in the long run it isnt healthy and just let it go.

Answer 3

From past experience with working with suicidal people, I have come to learn that people who talk about it are the least likely to actually do it. Its the ones who are depressed and quiet who usually do it. It sounds like hes doing this to get you guys to feel sorry for him and beg him back to you. If he was really serious he would have done it by now. Hes probably playing the "poor little me" syndrome to its fullest. Real suicide victims dont threaten,in fact, they rarely seldom say aything or give any real clues to what they plan to do. With his drinking, it sounds more like "liquid courage" or stupidity here and he just wants attention. Theres no doubt he may be depressed about his life, but suicidal I seriously doubt it. He might even think about it but talking about it, shows me hes too chicken to actually do it. His drinking has now taken over control of him so thats why he wont seek help and until he admits to himself that he does really have a problem, he wont get help. All you can do is tellhim until he gets some help, you dont want him around. This may sound a little harsh but he needs to see the reality of his actions and not sugar coated

Answer 4

he is trying to manipulate u into getting whatever it is that he wants from u. if he wants no help there isn't anything u can do. u can no more help the man than u could stop him from cheating on u. so butt out of it and leave him alone. he does need therapy but u can't force him. at first he turned it all on u, now he is turning it inward, perhaps due to guilt. u didn't break him so how are u going to fix him, your not responsible for this, he is the way he is because he made certain choices, and probably wants his family back now, and can't get it. its really not your problem, anymore than his cheating on u was his problem, he turned his back on his family, and now he is getting the karma back he dealt out to u. he chose to destroy what he had, and now its too late to get it back and he is angry and thinks if he threatens suicide u will take him back and feel sorry for him.

Answer 5

While Hedda (above) may be right, it is absurd and wrong that people that talk about suicide do not follow through. Actually, many do.

Now to your question, you need to let the professionals deal with his issues as you are neither trained nor responsible for his behavior.

Answer 6

Confront him and say that he has 2 children that is going to need a farther in they're life and if he leaves he's leaving the kids that just might want him. There are just too many dads in this world that leave there children.

Answer 7

then you need to call 911 & report it as soon as possible. People who talk about suicide are merely asking for help, even though they tell you to butt out or mind your own business. If you want to save his life, then call 911 right now. Don't hesitate.

Answer 8

Tell him to go ahead. Tell him this is not your problem, and using something as serious as suicide is not going to make things better. Tell him if that's what he wants to do then stop talking about it and just do it. Your blood will not be on my hands. i had a boyfriend once that said he would kill himself if I leave, and I told him to go ahead. Did he do it NO. Did I leave him? Yes. You will live with this threat for the rest of your life if you don't nip it now.

Answer 9

What a thoughtful guy......
If he can't manipulate you by sleeping with other women, then it's the old pity party--suicide escapade.....

If he doesn't want the help, then let it go.
Or, have him committed into a hospital and you take over guardianship of him.

In the mean time, get your kids into counseling just in case he does commit suicide.

Answer 10

Al-Anon in your Community can help you...Also online at www.miraclesinprogress.com then click on the Alanon meeting link once the room loads...There you will meet many people who know exactly what you are going thru and have been there. They will give you alot on insight about their similar situations and ways to COPE!!!!
Good luck....